So last night my fuck buddy called. Which will now be refered to as my ex-fuck buddy. So he calls and is talking kinda strange. He has never in is fucking pathetic like talked to me in this manner b/c he knows better. I think I have been faking it a little too well and he think he has it like this. When the truth is He has never brought me to orgasim with his mandingo. Which is sad b/c you would think with all that he would know how to work it. Dont get me wrong. It feels great but he has not taking me there and never will now. But I do a good job at faking it. So he calls like he da man. Talkin about when can I get some more of that ass. Like i'm some common hoe off the street. Ummm no. So at first I'm shocked so and the music is really loud in the background so I think he is joking. SO i'm like haha when you want some. Our relationship is stricly sex, so him bringing it up wasnt unusual. Then he didnt hear me and he said it again multiple times. This is when I realized I'm on speakerphone. SO he's like I dunno when I want it I just want to know I can Get it. I'm like WTF this nigga is trying to front in front of someone. So he was like can I tap that. I was like whateva I'll think about it. Odviously the convo was not going the way he wanted so he goes ok that all I wanted to know. I will call u back. The funny thing is since the last time it happen I had decided to completely cut him off for many reasons. So I had deleted his number. So this puts the fucking icing on the cake. Thats all for now ~smooches~ 
SO yesterday I went to see my Friend K. She is this white chick I use to work with. Now the white chicks flocked to be my friend at my last job b/c most of them dated black men. My sister happens to be married to a white man and My niece (cutest child ever) is mixed. This I assume put a huge "She's an Ok black girl" tag on me. I have never been the hater type. I dont get upset when I see black men with white women. Do you. So anyway, she was cool ao we kept in touch when we both left the job. Now K has potiental to do better, but HER man Is TRIffling. Have some self respect and stand up for yourself. When we were working together she was taking care of her man. He had no job and didnt seem to be looking. This alone made me think she was a fool, but she had redeeming qualites. So I went to see her and she was all scraped up like she fell. First she tells me they were arguing and she slipped (lie of course). Later she tells me what really happen. Old dude has lost his mind b/c he finally got a job. He got mad at her b/c she spent $40 dollars of his money. (he gives his checks to her) So he left and didnt come back in HER car until the next day. So when he does come back of course she wanna argue and ask questions. So he pushed her ass down. Now you know by my last post what I would have done. Anyway this was not the first time he has done this. He leaves all night without calling. Now what you think he doing. The situation would have went a little different if it was me. He would have came home. I would have invited him in. Took my fucking keys and told him to go check by the dumpster b/c that is where I left his shit. And if there is a problem then HPD (houston police department) will be on speed dial. I dont have time for the Oh imma do betta routine. So I pretty much tell her she is a fool and she need to kick his ass to the curb. Mostly b/c she use to support his ass. She dont buy shit. I mean she spent the money on gas. cigs. and food. WTF. He needs all on those things as well. Of course I got the usual quietness after I spit my opinion. Everyone that knows me knows I do not hold my tounge when It comes to my friends when they need a reality check. I told her long ago to leave this dude. He is not the one. But no. This is what erks me about the whole mixed realtionships. Now i'm not saying all black women, but most would not put up with that shit. Again I am not saying all but most men that date white women do so b/c they know we not gonna but up with BS such as this. And it really fucking bothers me to here white women say. "yall mad b/c we took yo man" Hold da fuck up. Have u ever considered we aint wont his ass. So you taking another triffling brother away is not really a loss. I really dont mind the whole thing. I love my niece to death, but I think its a respect thing on both sides of the fence. White and Black women can not respect the fact that someone found love with the opposite race. I guess the white women pissed b/c there white men have been forcing themselves on us since we got here and black women are pissed for the same reason. Why be with a white man after all our history. Whateva. Do you and be happy. Its amazing how many stares my sister's family get when they go out. Its like ppl should really be over this shit already its pretty common now. Ppl roll their eyes, say rude things, whisper shit. Its sad. Grow up ppl. Thats all folks. Oh the little person with my shades on at the top is my niece. The look better on me lol ~smooches~ 
How rude of my job to make me do work today lol. I had a great weekend. I spent way too much money but it was fun. I talk to Justin. He is the only guy that I can tolerated and have a REAL convo with. WE have been friends for about 5 or so years now. He would be my man if he wasnt on this I want to be single kick. One day maybe, but if not that still cool . He is a really good person to talk to. He always have me laughing with his stories. I went to boring ass Sherlocks (a pub in houston) on Saturday. It really sucked, mostly b/c it was a goodbye party for someone who couldnt get in b/c he left his license. Then is was raining like crazy. I got my hair wet, well not my hair and that why I was prolly(really annoying). My wig is too cute to be damaged by rain lol. I was talking to my sister about my dad. I realized that I really dont know the man that well. I 've heard horrible stories about him since I was like 8. I mean I've met himand know where he at and shit, but I dont know him. Prolly b/c I dont want to. All he ever did for me was tell me lies. He beat the shit outta my mom. No one has ever really went into details so I dont know the whole storey. I dont know if I ever will. I just think there is something everyone is not telling me. I cant imagine it getting any worse then what I have already heard. The more I think about it the more I commend my mother. She went through that shit with both me and my sister's father. I cant imagine that it was like. I pray I will never experiences b/c I will be under the jail. I wish a MF would hit me. The only outcome is death for him. Anyways I have never been a big Tupac fan, but I saw the whole documentary this weekend. Powerful man. I am so sure the goverment killed him. He was talking about standing up and taking action in out black communities. Now you know they cant have that. If black ppl start coming together. They wont know what to do. We have so much potential, that we are wasting. Its sad b/c If he were here now I think the world would be a little different. I like this quote I heard in the movie, something like "I may not change the world, but I will spark the mind that will." I saw this chick I went to high school with. She was like OMG u look so differnt. I dont think I do tho. I know my self esteem has changed and now maybe I carry myself accordingly. WEll thats all Folks ~Smooches~
I'm going through the motions
But I'm not really here
I want to say some shit
But Do I really care
I'm Tired
Thats what I am
Why fight for something
That doesn't want to be here
Playing these head games
Its a damn shame
You can't man up
You know STand up
Tell me how you really feel
YOur lies was not part of our deal
How hard is it
To just let go
To let me move on
But no
You lead me on
Feed me lies
To keep me warm
When all I want is the Honest you
Truth will suffice
We aint gotta fuss and fight
If you dont want me
Then dont talk to me
THis shit is elementry
What I have to go through with you
To tell the fucking truth
Its cool
I'm through
I havent written in awhile. I think this one sucks but it will grow on me. I'm fed up as u can tell. I'm almost at the point where I dont trust anyone. I'm so tired of playing the high school ass games. When will people learn u cant have ur cake and it it too. I'm not gonna sit around and wait for you to be a man. Fuck that. Like I said I f you dont want me then dont talk to me. I think people in general think fat chicks gotta settle just b/c they the fat chick. ~News Flash Fukkas~ I aint gotta settle for shit. I'm too cute for all this drama. I'm not gonna cry or stalk ur ass. I'm gonna move the fuck on. Its funny but everyone who ever dogged me has come to regret it. Everyone who wanted to see me cry or lose the confidence I have has failled. YOU CANT SHAKE ME. I love me. Its that so hard for ppl to believe. Have u seen the pic lol. J/k i'm not that bad. AnywayZ I went out with a few friends last night. I got to get my laugh on which felt good. Smoked and had a few drinks. Yes i'm a smoka and I dont me Cigs lol. I miss my friends which is funny b/c they are always a call away. I feel like there is not point in calling no more. Same shit different day and my phones do accept incoming calls. I never understand ppl that be like "you cant call nobody" but hey never call u either. I need to meet some new ppl. Learn some new POV. SO if anyone is in Houston hit me up lol. Oh I need a name for the poem any suggestions ~Smooches~ 
I'm all better noe lol. My leg is almost back to normal after a day off work lol. Nothing much going on except the usual. Oh I think I am addicted. I bought another one. Its cute and yes I am still turning heads lol. I'm swearing off sex for awhile (no not b/c of the leg) b/c the whole fuck buddy thing has never been my style. The more I do it(which isnt that often but its still good) the more I dont like the situation. I dont really trust the person I'm doing it with either. Sec is overrated most of the time and I always have myself. No one knows u like u know urself. So I am on break from sex. I have a full weekend planned and I cant wait until this week is over. Later ppl. ~Smooches~ 
First I'm REAL upset blogger lost my post the 1st time I posted. The second time telling is never as good. Anyway I had a great weekend mostly. Friday I FINALLY got some. WE took out time and did it right and at the end we were both tired as hell, but my body seemed to be dealing with this release a tab bit different then usual. So I go to get up when I have fiannly caught my breath and I damn near hit the floor. MY leg seems to be not working properly. My first thought is hmmm I must have laid on it wrong. SO, As i'm going down the stairs I am most fall b/c My legs gives out again. Its weird and funny at the same time. I mean I have heard of ppl walking funny after sex and with what he working with its possible, but it has never happened b4. So I go home and sleep. Wake up and my leg is still hurting but worse. Oh WEll I got shit. I spend 4 hours at the sprint store listening to why they could not give me a new phone and how I must wait 3-5 days. HEll to the NAW. So they direct me to another sprint store. Now I have wasted my entire morning standing with my hurt leg fucking with ppl at the sprint store. At the next store I was not so nice and Had to get Ignit(ignorant). Low and behold there is a phone for me in the back that appeared out of thin air. I am very annoyed. Later that day I tell my sister how I think I hurt my leg...later follows for about 15 minutes. I still dont think its that serious. SO we go home and she tells her husband...laughter follow. My leg hurts but not enought to make me ruin my weekend. So later that day me and my sister also decided to buy wigs to give us a change. I find one as u can c and I buy it. Guess what? MEN LOVE ME IN SOME LONG ASS FAKE WEAVE. They were like a swarm of fucking bees. I'm like could u pls give me 50 feet u r in my bubble. I got out later that night and shake my ass with my new do. Again they were like bees. My leg hurts more of course from the dancing but I had a good time. Sunday I decided to look up my symptoms on Web MD. I have a pullled hamstring from fucking. I am never gonna live this down and EVERYONE got jokes. At least everyone I told my leg hurt b4 I knew it was a pulled hamstring. So this weekend was interesting to say the least. Check out the wig...let me know what u think ~smooches~
I feel stuck. Stuck in a fucking routine. I go to work. I come Home. I watch TV/SMoke. Then I got To sleep. Same shit different day. I'm learning nothing new and it is annoying the fuck out of me. I feel stupid (which I know I'm not). How do ppl do this. THe same thing day in and day out. It feels like a waste of time. My job is boring as shit. I dont do anything. Everyone is like u got the best job ever. I on the other hand think it sucks. I mean I love getting paid to do nothing, but I would love to have something to do. I fear when I finally do I will be like WTF is this. I have a huge problem going out alone. If there is no one to come with me I usually just dont do it except for shopping I can do that shit with my eyes close. BORING is what my life has turned into. I'm kinda tired of the club seen. Is this what happens when u grow up. U become boring as hell and do nothing. I wanna be a kid again then. I feel like I'm watching my life happen b/c its too boring for me to be apart of. I keep thinking of all the things I use to do and why I dont do then now and I just dont know. I seem to think that everyone is on a different page or not on my level. THat could be true or maybe we are and I dont want to acknowledge that. I dont wanna be stuck doing this for the rest of my life. All the things I really wanted to do seem to have slipped away or I forgot. I think my life got so annoying after I left my apartment and started this job. Nothing seems the same anymore. I also think everyone has turned into fucking idiots. I mean i'm surrounded by them all day at work. THey ask me stupid ass questions. Oh and when did the DMV start handing out licenses to every dumb ass in town. I swear one day rode rage is gonna get the best of me. I feel ppl get on the road just to annoy me. Why the fuck would u in front of me going 40 when i'm going 70. Why would you get in the fast lane going 45. Why do ppl brake when there is NO ONE in front of them. I mean this crap annoys me to know end. Oh and why is dumb ppl think they know everything. HOw is it possible for you to talk complete nonsense and not know it and on top of it all you wont let anyone get a word in b.c u think u r right. NEWS FLASH YOU ARE WRONG BISH. UGHHHHHHHH. Stupidity is the worst. AWww I feel better now. ~Smooches~
I have been looking for a new template for the last 2 days at work since I have nothing to do. I am still looking, but I like this for now. Nothing much has been going on. I hope I will be getting some today(reason for the happy subject lol). My sister's sister is truely annoying. HOw the hell do u invite urself to someones house. I have never heard anyone do this until the other day. She kept hinting around and my sister never gave and so then she finally said we are close by we gonna stop by. WTF? I was so shocked. I really didnt know people do this. Why would u want to be somewhere u r not wanted. I hope she reads this too. That is CRAZY. I was looking around the net today for some black big girl art and came across some really nice artist. Check it Out
~Smooches~ 
I have been thinking about a few things, like how i censor my blog b/c of who may read it. Then I discovered I dont give a flying fuck who sees my blog or who doesnt like it. I am me and I should be able to say whateva the hell I want. So let me just say what has been annoying me with everyone lately. I hate when ppl call you when they are on the way somewhere to ask you if you want to go. I use to do this to ppl and I never knew how annoying it was until it happen to me. I hate people that are sensative about what you say to them, but they can say or do anything to you and expect for everything to be ok. WTF? If you can dish it you sure as hell can take it. I hate not wanting to do something, but feeling obligated or I hate not wanting to do something that you know you should b/c that person has done so much for you. It makes me feel so bad. I hate when you finally come to a realization that all ur friends will not be your friends forever. I hate knowing that I am growing apart from ppl that have been my friends for soooooooo long. I hate loving someone who doesnt love you back. I hate having sex and not getting anything from it. I mean damn what a waste of fucking time. I hate repeating myself. I hate my annoying ass boss's GF who is always and forever at our fucking place of work annoying the shit outta me. I hate being bored. I hate being in Houston (its so freaking boring). I hate couples b.c i'm single right now. I hate skinny bitches who dont think I can get there aman. But for some reason they dont seem to see him checking me out on the low. I hate ppl who try to use you (for the record I am not that fool). I hate ppl who lie for no reason. Hmmm. I see somewhere this turned into the I hate blog. Ok so. I love my family. I love oreos lol. I love learing new things. I love having a good time. I love meeting new ppl. I love spoken word poetry. I love ME. OMG I forgot to tell that I saw that Super Size movie. It freaked me out so I decided to stop eating fast food. I lost 4 freaking pounds. THat is soooooooo cool b/c I wasnt even trying. I recommend everyone try it. Not for the losing wait factor, but b.c you feel so much better. I'm a sexy bitch regardless tho lol. Ok thats enough for now. I have really been ranting. OH by the way the face pic above is old and when I had my eyebrow peirced ~Smooches~
So...another boring weekend under my belt. I just want to say how much EVE (as in adam and eve) sucks ass. Finally me and my fuck buddy can get together and b/c of this trick I cant get none. I cant wait to meet that heffa. Imma have a few choice words. I pretty much chilled all weekend. My friends seems as if they are drifting apart or just out growing each other. We are all growing up and clubbing every night doesnt seem that fun anymore. I'm so bored with Houston I dont know what to do. Well actually I do. I'm applying to a few colleges out of state. I've decided if i dont leave now I never will. I keep asking myself, "why are you here?" I never wanted to stay in Houston for the rest of my life. I wanna see the world. My sister has so many stories of the trips she has taken and places she has lived. I gotta go. I think I've been making excuse not to move on and grow up. Its been time. Its odd tho, b.c I dont plan on telling anyone one that I am applying (unless they read this blog) and even if they do I still dont want to talk about it. I just want to do. Show my family that I can be more productive then I have. If I could leave right now I think I would. I need to be free, alone, INDEPENDENT of all things that I know so well. WEll thats all I got for now. I'll post pics with this tomorrow at work. Why waste my free time when I can get paid to do it lol. ~Smooches~
SO... I Havent had any good sex in like 2 months. I use to have this really good fuck buddy. Someone who finally knew how to hit it right. Our schedules conflict all the freaking time so technically we really are not Fuck buddies anymore. I mean giving urself an O gets really old after a while and I have reached my limit. I am such a sexual prude tho. I don't have alot of sexual partners by choice. But through reading the other sexy fat chicks blog, I feel it is time to get mine. I dont get as nearly as much sex as I would like. THere is a freak waiting to unleash on some lucky guy. SO my new mission is to get laid of the regular. I just want an O. The only difference is I cant bring myself to do all these one night stands. Its just really odd to me. Although I have had one when I was younger. It was actually one of the best sexual experiences I ever had. Hmmm I dunno. All I do know is I need to get some b4 the week is over or everyone is gonna start to hate the Bitch I turn into. ~Smooches~ 
I really have turned into by far the most boring person I know. This weekend I did mostly nothing. I cleaned. On Sunday I went To Chances. My friend Bobby and Colleen did Karoke. I hate making an ass of myself so I passed. I had fun, it was good to get out. I bought an outfit to die for lol. Its green bug looking shades with shirt to match and of course tons of accessories (pic to follow). I have decided that perhaps its not the best idea to move right now. I feel like a loser b/c I haven't been to school in a year. I got an email from a best friend in High School that said she is on her Senior year. That hit me hard. It put in perspective how much time I've wasted. I mean I Am a sophomore at least but I am far behind, but I just don't know what I want to do. I thought I wanted to be a pediatric nurse, But I'm not sure if I'm cut out for it. I wanna go away to school before its too late. I keep looking at the here and now instead of the future. Like I have a really good job now, but in the future will I regret not pursuing a career I would be more happy in. I love kids and helping them would truely make me happy. I want to make my family and friends proud, but I feel like I'm seriously lacking right now. Everytime I say to myself things are almost perfect with me. I see this huge thing i'm really not happy with. I'm so bored with what I'm doing. I'm not happy inless I'm learning something new. At this point I'm not. I gotta get back in school and feel productive again or I'm going to continue to feel this way. My priorities are all out of wack. My spending habits are horrible, but I cant seem to get on track no matter how much I tell myself would I should be doing. Anyway. Mo'niqu's Fat Chance really sucked ass. All the fat girls on there were beautiful, but their self esteem seem to suck inside. I love me...we all have are bad days when we think we look horrible. I mean I understand how much being FAT can hurt. I've cried and had low self esteem. I think it showed America that, yes all the taunting does really hurt us and everyday we go home and cry. I dont. I use to. I decided if I didn't love me no one would. Its the self confidence that comes out that makes ppl a do double take. Skinny bitches hate to see a confident fat girl. Trust me I know. On the other hand Fat girls have no problem with congradulating the next chick, b.c it took us forever to get out of that horrible web of ugliness that America puts around us. Ok I was really ranting. Sowwy lol. In other news, I have came to the conclusion not only do men suck ass so do women. It is impossible to find a person that is honest with you and themselves on everything. People stop living in denial, its not just a river in Africa. This has to be my longest post so far. I guess I had a lot to get out. I really want to speak on the shadiness of my best friend friend's, but I know he will eventually read this and I don't really wanna talk about it. Lets just say it was shady, but I'm over it. Ok it's time to start acting like I'm working. I'm sure I will Have another post today. I bought 2 magz. ~Smooches~ 
So I said I would post some of my poetry. Enjoy ~Smooches~
Wanting
By: ME
I want you
To want me
So deeply that
When i`m not with you
It`s hard to breath
Because I am the air you need
I want me
To want you
So deeply
What when I bleed Its your blood type
Because you sustain me
I want you
You want Me
That`s all me need
Two consenting adults
With open minds and open hearts
Feighning for each other
Trust and believe I`m ready to play part
To be the strong women
To guide ya heart
In my heart you can let your fears hide
Our minds are Intellectually intwinded
So when I say i`m feeling you
You know i`m Not lying
Compatable in everyway
But different a night and day
Allowing each other to be independent
Yet dependent
On all the beautiful things we bring out in each other
I can`t picture myself with another lover
Your touch calms me
In your arms I feel safe from harm
And my heart is warmed by the words you testify about me
Kiss Me
It`s hard to think about
Without getting caught up in another fantasy
About you and me
And that thing you do with your tounge
Has me completely undone
And this is only foreplay
What will happen when I lay in bed
With person who has be headsprung
and Me mesmorized by their eyes
As they eat my fears away
And dries my tears with kisses
As My hips are gripped
I realease my fears on to your lips
And we are one
In this moment of bliss
So, my friend Bobby started a blog and I've been wanting to for a while. I keep a personal journal so its not that different. Anyway, I liked his so I decided to start my own. Mine is the Chronicle of The Sexy Fat Chick for self explanatory reasons. Unfortunately for most of you this blog may be a tad bit boring. I have went from wild party girl to boring working 9-5 girl, but I am trying to break free. My life is usually pretty interesting. SO just to let you know a little about me. I'm a bit of an Amazon lol. 5*11 full figured bomb shell is more like it. No i'm not conceded, I'm just confident. I am so happy today b/c I got my replacement phone. I dropped the old one in a pool while at the the bar which was also in the pool. I was a little tipsy I suppose. I'm kinda excited b/c i have a date of Friday, but the guy is already annoying me. I annoy pretty easily, but he is doing it on purpose. I'm also kinda bitchy b/c my fuck buddy is being stingy with the goodies. He is always so freaking busy and our schedules dont work well together, so i'm like whats the point. Work is boring as hell as usual, b/c I dont do shit. Which I guess is a upside, but I Hate being non-productive (if thats a word). I'm sure I would be a lot happier if I was in school learning something new, but unfortunately i'm not. I'm excited for my sissy, but I cant tell you why just yet lol. Well, thats all for now. Think I may drop some new Poerty I just wrote. I love spoken word, so if you do to feel free to hit me up. Until then ~Smooches~
