Me Myself and I

Well GOOD MORNING BLOGGER,

Yeah Yeah its been a long while. Its been lots up ups and a lot of downs but I made it and well on my way back to the top. IT feels foreign being here. Like a baby I have abandon and now tryin to reconnect. My head has been spinning with things I want to say, but I couldn't write yet. Now I guess I have the urge. Where do you start when everything has changed? I am a year older, but feel 10 years wiser. Its amazing when you finally see the BS for what is was all along BULLSHIT. ITs like the sun shinning on shit and u missed it forever. Well now it stinks and I gotta move around. It feels good, I feel like I am finally becoming the women that I need to be to make my life what I have dreamed and I am finally making it happen.

Most important part of my Transformation. I took a 6 week vacation to Panama. Its amazing how seeing how another country lives completely opens you uo to what you could be or how much better you have it. My sister recently moved there and I went to see her and my Babies (my nieces). It was an amazing experience. Breath taking beaches and sunsets. Great food (some of the time) and I completely different vibe from the states. Its amazing to be in a less superficial space. Where beautiful is Just beautiful despite your size or race. Where people have no shame or rather no reserves about being themselves. IT also showed me how easily content people can be depending on their situation. Cashiers and fast food workers where suits to work. Can you imagine tis being a GREAT job in our country. Can you imagine being content in working in a grocery store b/c they dress it up and make it seem more GLAMOROUS. Don't get me wrong I know we have all started somewhere, but this is it for these people. You really think your poor until you see where the poor live int his country. The projects are paradise com paired to the run down high rise Panamanians stay in w/ no windows and clothes line draped between buildings. NY is crystal clean compared to the streets here lined with trash and smells unknown. It was an eye opener. How much do I take for granted? I have so many resources to do better but its the last thing on my list. It makes o since b/c here they don't have that choice. Police ride on motorcycles one in the from driving and one in the back with an AK rifle. Road blocks set up to check id and registration, but there are no tickets given just bribes and a "You can go" after the exchange. Yes, America indeed sucks sometimes. more than usual lately, but it could be a lot worst. It was just what I needed to start seeing things for what they really are. I beautiful place to clear my mind.

My Previous post was about unconditional lovers. I have been one for so long. I finally decided that it was unhealthy to love someone who only loves themselves. I had to let go of a friendship I have had for years. It's amazing how you can convince yourself that you are responsible for something you have nothing to do with. Can you really be responsible for an adult, no matter how much they act like a child? I decided I can't, Lord knows I tried for too long to be. It was finally time to let go. I thought it would be harder but I'm relived. I have surround myself with people I know actually give a shit and its not a show. People I can count on instead of it only being a one-way friendship. Its also weird now b/c I can't believe I remained friends so long without this person even changing a little. I had so much hope that there is always some good in people and now I think I was wrong. Some people don't. Some people are selfish and self centered. Some people are users. They take and take until you feel like there is nothing left and they still try to take more. You don't see this taking, you just see HOPE. A hope that one day things will change and your love will show them how it should be. I've learned that all the love in the world can't do shit for anyone if they don't love themselves and want to be a better person. Its OK tho, b/c now I am at peace with it.

I am they happiest, I've been in a long time and its not because everything is going well. Its because know that if I keep this path it will. If I'm patient all I want and desire will be mine. This vacation gave me my determination back. My mind set back. Action speak louder the words and I have been talking for too long. Watch Me WORK.
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ALRIGHY in less serious non life changing news (lol).

Ya girl has lost more weight so I'm thinking its time for a name change. I'm not feeling FAT anymore lol. I am definitely feeling SEXY tho. Stay tune for what I come up with



Did anyone watch the Search for the Next Pussy Cat Doll. Yeah I know it was crap. But the season finally was real crap. The shit is edited out the ass. It looks like something from out of the 80s. The worst shit I have seen all year. Not to mention seeing Lil Kim plastic beat up looking ass every week. I am convinced they put her on there b/c they wanted to take attention off the other chicks face who is also scary as hell.

Any who, That's all for now I gotta Get back to work. LOL ~Smooches~