I have a problem. Maybe its not a problem but it doesnt help make my life any easier. I am an UNCONDITIONAL LOVER. Sometimes I think it is a curse. I have the ability to see peoples true aura. Maybe I see what God really wants them to be. I block out or accept their HORRIBLE faults and see through to there good heart. I believe everyone has this ability with certain individuals, but no everyone can love this way. I mean when do u reach the point of no return when all that good shit u see inside doesnt mask the ugly person some people are determined to be? How long do u alow urself to be the idiot and swallow all the hurt feelings? I'm at a point were I can't do it anymore. It seems I have been seeing the good in certain ppl for a little to long and now I don't believe there is any. Now i believe I am delusional. All this hope I had for them to change or at least WANT to be a better person b/c that is what I show them is gone. I love so hard unfortunately sometimes harder than I love myself, which is my own fault. I can't allow my life to be so affected by someone I love that I cant recognize that I am no longer happy. This is no longer ok to love someone so much for so long and still feel like they don't give a shit. I thought maybe I should change myself, be more cold and unloving like them, but in all honest its not me. No matter how much I pretend not to care I do. I can no longer pretend it doesnt hurt or I dont cry when I do. Even though this will be the hardest thing I have ever done I dont see any other way. People never appreciate what they have until its gone. Unfortunately it will be too late to get it by then. When I thought about writin this post it started completely different. I started with me think of my grandmother. WE call her TiTi. She was no blood relation. Back in the day people that couldnt take care or want their kids would just give them to someone. Well that is what happen to my mom. She still knew her real family, but she grew up with TiTi. This is a women who never had any children of her own. She took in kid people couldnt or didnt want to take care of and raised them as her own. I never met a women quite like her. Her abitlity to love people that were nothing to her unconditionally was amazing. People would do some horrible shit to her and she would still have their back whe shit got funky. I never understood it as a child. It was passed to my mother and then to me i guess. I would look at them and think "Why dont u just leave them alone. They dont want to do right and probably never wiil." It is amazing what kind of hope UNCONDITIONAL LOVE gives u. Its like we believe our love can change anything, in time. Now that I am older I dont know if I believe it. The worst part is I don't know if I believe it and even if I did I dont think I would change. I love seeing the best in people most of the time. How long do U have to see the best in them b4 they finally see it and change to it as well?????
~Smooches~
9:48 AM
8:07 AM
Happy New Year EVERYONE!!!!
Yes, Its been awhile, but I 've been doing me. Tryin to get myself together and things are falling into place. I know more now that I ever have that I am truely BLESSED. In the last few months there has been so many times I wanted to give up but I pressed on. I believe we all go through things for a reason. This is my storm but the calm will come. Patience is the key. I have gotten a lot better with that. I know everything wont be great over night but if I am patient it always works out for me. Maybe not the way you want it to but there is always a ending. Anyway, decided to drop by with a few random thoughts and new pics. Ya Girl is almost not a Fat Chick anymore. I think I'm gonna have to change it to Sexy thick Chick. Either way I'm happy with it.
1. Clones Animals used for meat to sell in the store without a label it is cloned. WTF I am not eatin that shit. Some stuff God just does not want us to do and reproduce without his help must b one of them. Watch ppl gonna start going crazy and shit. <<<<<<<<
2. Oprah opening a new school in Africia b/c she is tired of helpin trifflin intercity black kids. <<<<<<<<<<>
3. DREAMGIRLS>>>>>>>>> By far the best black movie I've seen in a while. American Idol chick tore the house down for a first time actor. And what can I say about Beyonce but she was pretty to look at but her singin compared to American Idol ( Can't remember her name) was BOO BOO. Maybe takin this part wasnt the best idea. Anyway this movie demonstrates what I have been saying for years "FAT GURLS ALWAYS GET THE LAS LAUGH BITCHESSSS"
4. LIARS>>>>>>>>>>>Lately I have encountered a lot of liars. Not just regualr lies but shit that dont even need to be lied about. Like having a job. You can only hid that shit for so long. If i never see u at work its gonna get pretty hard to explain. Or lyin about ur hair being real. BITCH I SEE UR TRACKS I know that shit is fake and it aint even HUMAN. SMH
5. HATERS>>>>Finally saw Kat Williams Pimp Chronciles (funny as hell). Haters are gettin way more sneaky. The worst are the friend haters. Or they claim to be ya friend but u notice they steady throwin salt in ya game. Droppin little rude comments and laughin like oh I was just playin. Bitch do u see me laughin. One of my friends has the worst hater. This person has befriend this person and their mate only to break them up. It is so odvious the person likes one of them and is only tryin to weezil in. I see and I cant stand this person. What kind of friend goes back and tell ur mate everything you do wrong. Thats some hoe ass shit and then smile in ur face like they aint a snake. Watch ur back ppl they out there and they will sneak up on ya.
6.Cig Tax>>>>> I started smokin cigs for awhile when I was workin at the job from hell. I notice my use picked up lately. Well that shit is over b/c there is no way in HELL i'm payin almost 6 dollas for some cigs. I have one habit I dont need another. I am thinkin about bootleggin cigs tho. I mean seriously u could make a killing now.
Thats all I got for now. Hope everyone has a blessed year ~Smooches~ SFC
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