IF this BITCH tells me the same shit multiple times, one more time we are going to throw down in this office. Yeah, I'm back to down time a work so I can write a little something something. Same bitch getting on my nerves. I HATE STUPID PPL. We should rid the earth of them. They are a waste of space.
Last weekend was one of Houston's big events. Its called The Beach Party (Formally known as Kappa Beach Party which is what everyone still calls it anyway). The Kappa organization didn't want this freak show to be named after them anymore haha. SO, although I did not attend the actually beach festivities in G-Town (Galveston, TX), I did attend the Farewell Block party on That Wonderful MLK(Martin Luther King, St. Dr whateva, I know every city has an MLK). As people are coming back home they go down MLK and floss. IT was my first time going. Surprisingly I had a great time. I hate Houston usually, but this event made me embrace my southern roots. Only in TX will you see Candy cars and Fifth Wheels. It was cool to be around ya ppl without any violence or Bullshit.
On a whole other note. I went to the festivities with my Girl Trish. We met at a job I use to work at and became cool. She is a white girl. It seems once White chicks that date Black dudes find out my sister is married to a white dude they automatically think I'm cool. Its so hard for me to comprehend, but it has happen more than once. Anyway the Block party was on her side of town so I went with her and her other WHITE friends. I knew I was in for "Hey Snowbunnies" all day, but I don't trip ppl are ppl. IF you cool, I'm cool witcha. Any Who, to make this long story short. The bitches had some hostility for black women, which was easily sensed. I have never understood how you can date black men, but talk down on black women, Who in the hell you think gave you the black man. IT boggles my mind. One huge reason I could tell they talked about black women is her child. He refused to sit in the back of the SURBURBAN with me and my friends Trish. HE had a screaming fit. He wasn't afraid of Trish, but he refused to sit by me. I know children are shy sometime, but its like that little boy has been taught some shit. THe worst part is he is half black. I don't know WTF they thinking, but why would you put that in his head. WE are where he came from. Then there little comments about the common hoes walking around the block party. I mean you just get a feeling when shit is not meant in a certain way. Anyway both of them were what we in Houston call BOPPERS. This heffa had the nerve to say OMG he ugly, but I don't want to fuck him anyway, I want to fuck his car. She meant it and didn't flinch or laugh after saying it. Maybe its just me, but everybody knows the REAL rich man drives a maxima and is saving his shit up. The one flossing in the new car is usually the one struggling on the low low. Anyway they are the perfect example of why I don't have many females friends. Women can be very STUPID sometimes and that's some shit I can't deal with.
It's so sad that I've been writing this same post since last weekend and I am now finishing it today. So, this weekend, was extra mellow. I didn't do to much. I did see the results of putting a bug in someone's ear. The best time is when there high or intoxicated. MY girl Trish was high and we were chit chattin. She has a major prob. A TRIFFLING man. Dude is 32 Y/O with no job and not looking. They are struggling big time. She has been hitting me up for loans quite frequently. Personally if we are cool, I don't have a problem helping you out, especially if you are trying to help yourself. I can no longer under help her. Its not my business what or why you and your man are still together, but I'm not going to give you money that he is going to use and he is not doing shit. SO, on Saturday she did the greatest thing ever. She ask me what I thought about her situation ~SMILE~ I had been waiting on this invite in. Usually I just give my opinion anyway, but we are not that cool yet so I waited to be invited, I told her str8 up...You can do bad by yourself, tell that dude get on his grind or kick rocks. With a little more added to that. The bug was planted. Trish got some balls that night and started talking to that dude crazy. She is finally starting to see the light. The problem is the boyfriend of course knows who put that bug in her ear. He knows he trifling and I guess b/c we are both black I am suppose to not tell the poor girl that she is looking quite foolish. WRONG. I hope she leaves his broke ass. She can do so much better on her own. Having a partner that doesn't work it like having a grown ass child.
This weekend I also realized, that even tho I miss certain friends, I am doing so much better without them. Without the constant drama I had to go through or the Bullshit they always carried with them. I still love them do death, but I think our deep friend time has passed and there is no going back. I also realized that I have been thinking about Sasha a lot. I haven't called or made any other contact, but I miss her. I miss hanging out, then I think about what she was trying to do to me and I wonder why. If we were as cool as I thought, why would she do that to me. I guess its hard to believe someone you thought was cool would do that to you. I guess I have more trust and hope in ppl. I also noticed that the whole incident has made me paranoid. If some ppl come around, I don't know and they look suspect. I bounce in a heart beat. Its like its all in the back of my head and I don't really trust ppl anymore. I mean I've had other friends that did dirt, but not for one minute do I believe they would sell me out knowing I had nothing to do with it. Everything in me tells me never to talk to Sasha again, which I won't, but I know one day I am bound to see her. I wonder to myself what will I see in her eyes, or what will she say to me, does she even know that I know what she was trying to do. I have mad issues on letting shit go unresolved. It makes it very hard for me to letit rest, even though I know I should. Probably why curiosity killed the cat, oh but the satisfaction brought it back.I dunno fuck it. That's all I got for ya ~Smooches~
P.S I'll post pics later. My computer at work is janky. Oh and just now the dumb heffa I was talking about at the beginning of the post, calls me to the back of the office and asks me why can't she send an emaill. SO She's like watch. So I watch her begin typing in the email address. This Dumb heffa is typing in (www.whateva.com) I'm like fool that is a web site not an emial address. She's like ohhhh that's why it wouldn't work. This is the incompetence I have to deal with. These bastid need to show me the MONEY and soon.
THROWBACK :)
HEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOO Errbody. Hope all is going well in the lives of all of you. Mine is stressful as usual. Work is kicking my ass and annoying the hell out of me at the same time. I really like this job. I like the opportunities it can provide. I like most of the ppl here as well. BUT. You know there is always a BUT.
These ppl have been in this business for years and I am wonder how the fuck they made it. For instance yesterday this women asked me HOW DO I GET TO THE INTERNET. I seriously thought she was joking so I asked "Are you serious?" She was like "Yeah, I don't know which one to push. Is it the button(she said button I did not, it should be icon) that says My Computer?" I can't stand a stupid person. This bitch annoys me daily. She is always talking to me or asking me so throwed off question. She hobbles around the office all day (she broke her foot or some shit) complaing about how much it hurts and how hard her job is and how she does not get paid enough. The women just annoys me so much. I feel like everything she ask me to do something she should know how to do or should be doing herself I get this attitude with her. Does this deter her from asking me shit. HELL no the next few minutes she back in my face telling me how she doesn't understand something. Its not just her though.
The marketing rep annoys me to. I showed her at least 5 times how to enter shit into the system. Every time she need something entered she still emails me. So, recently she emailed me the shit and had the nerve to put ASAP on it. She also didn't send enough information for me to enter the shit. I politely wrote step by step instructions for this Heffa and told her she need more information, I also told her to let me know if she had any questions. Tell me why I walk to the back where her desk is to scan something and she says "Hey SFC, I got your email, but did you enter it into the system?" Oh the things I wanted to say to this heffa but the Lord held my tongue. I replied no (thinking to myself this is a perfect opportunity for you to learn the shit yourself, so you can stop emailing me to do it). She then ask me "Well, are you going to?" I am screaming at the top of my lungs in my head. I respond sure BIOTCH.
On to the other person that is 2 seconds away from being cussed out is my BIG BOSS. I have created a nickname for him. It is rude so if your offended oh fucking well. It is Faggoty Douche bag or Faggoty Biotch. Yeah I confirmed he is definitely gay. Which I could care less about. He is just an asshole. I will ask him a question and its like he takes out parts of what I say and form a whole new question in his head and then answers that question. Unfortunately , that shit does not help me with what I am asking him. So I try to rephrase and ask again. He does the same shit over and this time makes it seem like I am wasting his time by asking twice. I just go and figure the shit out on my own. He also has little dick syndrome if you ask me. He walks around like he is the man barking orders an being rude to his staff, when in actuality without us he is nothing. His shit will not take place without our hard work. That really pisses me off. Recently he was saying that shit was backed up and in so many words it was my fault. He was siding with the customer instead of backing me. The President of our company came down from Philly to handle this shit. Oh Guess what? It was not my fucking fault (like I said), It was the customers staff that dropped the ball. I love being right, but did I get an apology, hell no.
In conclusion, I like this job. The pressure is great sometimes, but its also rewarding to see ppl walk out of my office smiling with the keys to their new house. The pay right now sucks, but in about a month (I hope) it will be VERY NICE. My boss's rudeness and the incompetence of the staff does annoy me. My immediate boss I adore. She is really down to earth and listen when I speak and ask her questions. I think the main reason why I haven't went off is her. She realizes my boss is an ass and usually shelter me as much as possible. I know that any job is better than no job, but I don't know if I can cut it. I mean this man is at the point of no return for me. He doesn't have many more passes before I blow up. So my question is How much money will you sacrifice for your Happiness?
Oh this is my baby(neice) Poppin Her Collar Uh Oh
Its kinda fucked up, but I feel like I always say what I mean here no matter how it sounds. I do that b/c this is my shit. So, with that said... I don't feel like writing. I feel my mind is so busy thinking of all the shit I should be doing. I feel like I rest but my mind doesn't. I'm always thinking of how I can do something. I am so determined to make the best of my good fortune. I have the opputrunity and I won't fail.
So since I'm feeling hella lazy...Here is a synopsis of what been happen.
I am working my ass off for my new employer. I hope all this hard work will payoff. I am so proud of myself b/c I'm doing my thing. Unfortunately, I am tired as hell and the weekend never seems to be long enough.
My B-day was April 8th. I feel old. I'm not old, but I feel older. This bartender gave me some concoction for my birth day. Let's just say it went down as easy as it came up...All over the bar LOL. It was too much for my stomach to handle. Oh well.
I had blonde highlights for about 4 days. I went to get my hair hightlighted for my birth day. I wanted lightbrown. They came out damn near platinum blonde. Luckily, they have been dyed darker and now they are very cute :)
Some people (I'm not naming any names, but you know who you are) seem to think I am conceited. This came as a shock to me. Although I feel I love my self...A lot. I am in no way a conceited bitch. I love me b/c for a long time I didn't and now I have to make up for it. Whateva, I am me...Hate it or Love it.
I saw this documentary on HBO called "Cutting Edge." It is a really nice documentary about a barber shop. They said something in it that really made me think. One guy said.
"All men CHEAT. If they don't CHEAT, they're GAY"
That fucking sucks. Is that all you have to look forward to. I personally think they should of kept that shit to themselves. If that's the best you can hope for out of a man. Fuck it. What's the point. Its a good point too. I mean I know a lot of gay guys. I have seen the "downlow guy" for myself. It's a fucking shame. I don't give a shit either way, but at least be real about it. Don't lie and fuck up the other person's life.
I'm fucking sick of being single. Its like the plague. I want a mate. I don't want a half ass mate, so Its gonna take a little longer than I thought. People or so full of shit these day
is sad. For example. I met this dude the other night. He decided to be str8 up and tell me how much of a hoe he was in so many way. He said he had 3 kids and lived with the babies mama. Oh, but wait... He didn't love her no more and he was only staying for they kids.
Question
Why stay in a hostile environment for the kids?
Answer
I'm not going to leave her until she gets on her feet. I'm going to wait
until she finishes school.
I put on the "that so sweet face" (thinking yeah freaking Right).
Question
Well how long are you gonna wait?
Answer
Oh, I'm not in a hurry.
Conclusion. He live with his baby's mama, but he fucks around on the side. He fucks around on at least a weekly basis. For some reason that night I had DUMMY written on my forehead and he thought I was going to go for that shit. SMH. Oh and once he found out it was not going down... I'm stuck up and uppity. FUCK U! My pussy gets given when I want it to and if you don't like don't fuck with me... HOLLA
Why the hell did I see Mike Jones on this corny ass show on MTV called "Yo Mamma." People come on and do the dozens and the best person wins, of course they have a yo mamma joke portion. Well, it was the finals and Mike Jones was on as a celebrity judge. One of the contestants kept REPEATING shit he said in previous battles. Wilmar (from That 70s show, who is also a host) said the other contestant should win b/c her material was not reused and fresh. Mike Jones had the fucking nerve to say "Yeah, that's true... You can't repeat yourself over and over and use the SAME material to win." WWWWWWWWWTTTTTTTTTTTTTTFFFFFFFFFFFFF. Mike Jones entire career is based on repeating the same shit over and over. Example "Who? Mike Jones." Not to mention, all of you non-Houstonians, Mike Jones have had the same wack ass lyrics since he was on the "BeforeThe Kappa" tapes. He's been saying the same shit for year. OMG I almost had a heart attack when he was telling this dude all the shit he needs to tell himself.
Jade is a spawn of Satan and needs to be destroyed.
OMG I almost forgot about one of the funniest things that happen to me. My "Go Out Crew" and I went out the other night and it was one of their birthdays. My homegirl was only turing 20 , but she was drinking like it was her 21st. She gets so fucked up. She is dancing all outta control and then she falls. I'm like oh hell no. It is time to go. So I tell her this and she is like NO, I want to stay. So we argue for like 5 minutes. Its like 5 of us. 4 are trying to convince her it is time to go, while she continues to dance and such. So finally one of the other chicks in the crew is like Fuck this. She puts this girl in a headlock of sorts. You know how police officers put you hands behind your head and hold you in that position. Well we are walking out of the club with the girl in this hold. People are looking at us like WTF is going on. I am crying laughing as we walk out of the club. Then the police start running our way. They think the two are fighting. We have to explain we are trying to get her home and they finally let us proceed to the door. We finally get outside where the drunk girl decided to meet a dude. He is helping walk her drunk as to the car. We are right behind the car when this happens.
Her drunk ass falls and some how lands underneath the car. I am almost rolling on the ground laughing at her ass. Oh and the night does not stop there. Later she falls down peeping outside b/c we can't find a bathroom. She pretty much pees on herself. Mind you I am still laughing. This was by far one of the funniest night outs I have had in a while.
*I think that is all for now ppl. Hopefully his week won't be so hectic at work and I can write. Smooches (Gotta Love Me)
I am soooooooooooooooooo Fusterated right now. The women at my job got fired today. Some to findout it has nothing to do with me, she has been slipping on her pimpin for a while and the boss finally let her go. The worst part is (well for me) now I have a shit load of work thrown at me and my boss is being all pissy. I just learned all this shit last week and he expects me to know all this crap. I hate not being able to d what is required of me not b/c I can't but b/c I haven't been taught. I am a bit of a perfetionist so this is realy irking me to no end. I need to understand whatI'm doing to ensure it is done right and I can't do that at this point. I am slos sick of him snapping at me ugh. I hate when ppl talk to me like I', stupid and he gives this look that says it. I'm not stupid i'm uninformed there is a big difference. I hope I can do this.
It feels like everything is annoying me today. I'm taking everything someone says to heart or the complete long way. Not to mention I'm starting to like someone and its been so long since I have I don't know what to do. I don't want to rush it and I don't want to come on too strong. So I feel like I am stuck in the middle of pretending I don't like them and lovey dovey talk. I HATE DATING. I want to skip through it all and find the ONE and live happily ever after. I'm so scared of being hurt, but at the same time I don't want to hold back how I feel. I'm trying to believe that everyone is nt alike and they are not allout to hurt me. I have this thing tho. Everytime a person I like says something I heard b4 that was bullshit, I replay that senario in my head. I have trust issues. I try to give everyone a chance, but this crap still runs through my head. Maybe I'm not ready for this just yet. I have been doing the single thing for a minute andI thought I was ready to get back out there. Now I want to run and hide b/c I gotta go through the B/S again.
Why does fat have such a bad stigma attached to it. Why is it that ppla re so interested in the FAT part of my name. IT doesn't matter that I'm sexy , its all about the fat. Why do you call urself that? You don't look fat is what they say. GREAAAAAAATTTTT I'm so happy I don't look that way to you. Prolly b/c I've lost a few pounds and things are melting away. I know that I am far from skinny, but maybe not so fat anymore. I hate using the word thick b/c it the wrong way. Why can't I just be me a person you find attractive and has a really cool personality. Why must I be defined by that. Its so funny when I meet ppl online and they come here then ask me are you fat. My respone is do I look fat. Beter yet do you like what you see. If you do then why the fuck do you care. So you guys be the judge. They are a bit blurry but you can still see my body type. What do you think?
I am doing some serious venting today. Thanks for listening.
Oh I almost forgot. Sasha called me again this weekend. She told me she did indeed go to jail for warrents and something else which she didn't get to tell me. I pretty sure what the otehr charge was. She also asked me to borrow $200. Of course I said no. I haven't called or went over there. I know she is bad for me and the Lord saved me once. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. So I gotta say HOLLA to Sasha. Thats all for now ~Smooches~
Hello Fellow Bloggers
The Pic above is the view from my office. I love it. I am freezing my booty off and I think I'm getting a cold. Global Warming is really screwing over Texas and I'm sure some other places. Its usually hot as the devils ball down here, oh but no not today its is cold as hell instead.
Its a bit awkward around the office. I don't really know how to handle it or how it will play out, but yesterday we had a staff meeting. At the staff meeting my boss is telling me all the things he wants the guy here from out of town to train me on. Everything He wants me to learn this other lady in the office already does. I came in as a temp Receptionist almost a month ago. SO, as he is telling me what I am to learn the women burst in and says.
"You are teaching her everything I do. If she's going to do that what am I going to do. Am I getting fired?"
My boss says He wants everyone to be trained on the system and no she is not getting fired. He also says they were going to have a private meeting after this to discuss some other shit with her. So we all leave and I got to the back to her desk to get trained and she answers the phone. After the guy and I are done training for the day, I go back and tell her she can have her desk back b/c we are done for the day. Mind you she came back there and got all her paper work and such , but I'm thinking is b/c she needs all that shit to do her work in the front. The women tells me we don't need to switch back b/c IF she stays that the receptionist area will be her new desk. My mouth drops and I'm like are you serious. She's like yeah so you can just stay back there. I felt so bad b/c this women is really nice and she's been in this business for awhile I assume and they are just going to give me her job.
For the rest of the day I really didn't have anything to do so I asked her if she wanted me to answer the phones, so she could do her other work. She says it with a little attitude no I got it. I feel like she is being rude to me for something that has nothing to do with me. Her job is a lot of work and a good learning experience, but I didn't try to take it and didn't ask for it. I feel like its going to be hostile if I actually do get her job. Although my boss hasn't discussed me taking her job, but he has said he wants to hire me permanently. I thought it was for the receptionist job, which would have been great. So time will tell how all that is going to go down.
Last night Sasha called me. I deleted her # so I didn't know it was her calling. ( I don't memorize # I just add them to my celly). I answer and I hear her say hello, but she is breaking up. So she hangs up and calls back, but I still can't hear her. I guess she got out, but I don't know how. I really want to know what happen but I don't want to get caught up in her drama again. Its really hard to let go of someone I see as a friend, but on the other hand I don't really trust her. I can't/won't call her. I'm sure she will call me back. I'm also wondering if she found the whole incident suspicious. I mean the cop comes I suddenly leave and go home. I mean she aint dumb I know she peeped the cops, but I don't know. I thought this shit was over, but I fear this will not be the last time I hear from Sasha. That's all for now Peoples ~Smooches~
A messenger just came into my office and told me
" You should smile like that all the time. You have a smile that will light up a room"
That turned this shitty day upside down. I love when ppl do random acts of kindness sometimes ppl really need it. So I don't have much to say. Posted some pics of my new hair cut. I loooovvvvvvvveeeeeee it.
For some reason I couldn't let Sasha go that easily. I had to know if I was right and if The LAWD was speaking to me and saved me from a heap of trouble. So, I called her,anonymous of course. Her phone went str8 to voicemail. Sasha's phone never goes str8 to voicemail. So I called again and it did the same thing. That can only mean one thing. She is in jail. Sasha's phone is never off b/c thats her money. Thank the lawd for instincts and following them. I know for sure I would have been in jail right now. I on the other hand will never know if she planned to do me dirty. Maybe laterin life we will me again. If she got caught htat night she is going in for a while. Its really sad b/c she only started b/c her stupid boyfriend told her to hold down the fort while he sent to jail and like a dumb ass she did. I never got that part. She had a regular job and she didn't need to, but she did it for him. I hope I never have a love like that.
On another note WTF is going on with gas prices. I mean dang. I HATE BUSH. I cannot wait till election comes around. I'm so happy he can't run again. I mean who voted for this man. Now he says our troops will be there until his term is up and the next Presidnet will have to clean up his mess. SMH PPl PLEASE VOTE if only so gas can go back to normal. That's all for now HOLLA ~Smooches~
I say "Why do you keep him around, if you know he shady?"She says "Think about this. If the police busted my house today, Who are they most likely to believe? A girl with no serious record or this dude that just got out of jail and is on probation.
The problem is after her telling me all this I don't really trust her anymore. IT also has a lot to do with the incident and us not talking, which I will post about later. . If she plays the games with other ppl why cant she be playing them with me. The problem is street smarts only takes u so far. You know what they say "You cant play a playa b/c u will always get played."
Sasha seriously never fails to amaze me. I figured out so much more shit this time. I figured out people who don't play games always get played b/c they don't even think about the game. They don't even think ppl play it and that sets you up for failure.
So, After reading blogs all morning I decided to make another post. I'm still struggling with what to do with Sasha. Her way of thinking is just to crazy for me. She has recently been dating some Scrub from the NO. She is not feeling anything about him, but his penis. She left us alone togeather to go to the store the other day. Why is this dude asking me things like: Can I eat ur pussy and telling me all the things he can do to me. Not mention before she left he was flirting with another friend of hers. SO, of course I am totally repulsed b/c this is not my style. I dont fuck with friends man and I dont do sloppy seconds. It seems all the men she messes with are trifflin. So I ended up dropping this dude off for her. Tell me why he ask me did I want to come up to his apartment. I asked him to shut my door before I told him something. I then talk to her the next day and I tell her how mad he was at her for not dropping him off herself. I also tell her he is triffling. I told her he tried to fuck me and if I was a dirty biatch he would have got some. You know what her response was. You should have got you some head and some of that good dick. I'm like hell naw. Sasha claims that she never has sex with the many different dudes she talks to, but then at other times she tells my how good or bad the sex was. I try so hard to understand how this girls mind works. She is such a good person in so many ways and in others she is an undercover scnadoulous BITCH. Everything she does is to benefit her, but she makes you think its to benefit others. I really enjoy being with her most of the time. I think I really keep going back b/c there is a slight attraction that has developed. I tried sooooooooo hard to make this a platonic friendship, but the more we hang out the more I see her that she may want more than that. The other day I was there. We were talking about kissing. I was like I love to kiss. She all of a sudden bends down and is like 5 centimeters from my lips and stops. I really believe the only reason she stopped is the look on my face. I had to have looked shocked or digusted or something. I know it wasnt an inviting face b/c I was so shocked that she was about to do that. On another occasion. She came out of the shower naked and had a conversation with me and modeled her new underware. My friends use to say this girl liked me and I was just in denile, but my reisistance to the thought is fading. I think there right. I think she's waiting on me to make a move as to not ruin or friendship or freak me out. This whole situation is crazy. I'm usual great at reading peoples intentions and hers are lost on me. ~smooches~
I am the Proud Auntie of a BEAUTIFUL HEALTHY baby Girl. I think we will call her Olivia. Watching someone give birth(this is my 2nd time) is the most emotional thing ever. I felt so helpless seeing my sissy like that and not being able to do anything. When they pulled her out and she held her in her arms I cried. I know its painful, but I can't wait to experience that feeling. Bringing a life into the world is by far the most beautiful thing ever. I am on cloud 9 right now although I only had 4 hours of sleep. Women are offically amazing creatures. ~Smooches~
I realize this weekend that ppl I don't give a shit about can't hurt me. I ponder there actions, but there actions don't hurt like they use too. The only people that can still get to me and hurt me are the ones I love. Some seem to be so skilled at this art. I am extremely sensitive which most of my friends and family know. The words they say to me have a way of turning my world upside down when they are hurtful. This weekend that happen to me. Someone I love said something to me that hurt me. Hurt me so much that the moment didn't and has not yet pass. Every time I see them or hear their voice I think of what they said and it makes me want to cry all over again. I know that everyone has their faults me included, but I've been trying so hard to be a better person. A more responsible person and get back on my feet. Maybe its me and I'm truly not doing shit,but that is so hard for me to except. I was so excited when I left work Friday b/c they offered me a permanent position. I bought Champange to celebrate. Within a few hours my mood was totally changed. I felt like I use to in school when kids picked on me. The ppl I love have a way of making me feel like a child and completely useless sometimes. All I wanted was someone to celebrate with and instead I got hurt. I'm also usually very outspoken, but with certain ppl I love I can't be. Some ppl are not very sensitive to others feelings. So, instead of saying what I think I just say what they want to hear. Its sad that an adult would be afraid to say what she needs to, but Its just not worth it most times. This time was the one time I tried to stand up for myself b/c I felt I was right and it only hurt in the end and the point I was making was totally not seen. I guess I can't win for losing. This whole incident has made me more determined though. I am determined to succeed and do better that what I'm doing. I'm not gonna look back and have regrets. I have to get out of my situation in order to keep my sanity and I'm crazy enough so a sista gotta get it together lol. I wish I could take a pill everyday that made me less sensitive. Its my greatest weakness. Moral of my story is "Words do hurt and Fuck Everyone all you have is yourself in the end." ~Smooches~
As everyone knows I talk about the New Orleans folks that have invaded my city. Although their presence has no affected me directly, excluding taking over everything and making asses out of themselves. Last night I was finally truly affected by their presence. Now my mom says that I am stereotyping, but that's BULLSHIT. I know how Houston was before and I know how it is now. Last night there was an incident of Child Abuse(LONNNNNNNNNNG story) to my cousin, who reside with my mom, from her mother. She is fine, but they made her go to the hospital just b/c of the circumstances. My mother and both children waited at the hospital for almost 5 hours. After my cousin was checked out and proven to be not hurt, they would not let us leave. The nurses told us we were not allowed to leave until the police came. There is a sub station no more then 3 miles away from the hospital. Again we were waiting 5 hours. We asked to leave and go to the sub station right down the street to file the report ourselves and still we were refused. The nurses kept telling up that the police had been dispatched, for 5 HOURS. Finally at 11pm, we were there since 6pm, my mom said she was leaving and they could come to her house to make the report. The police showed at like 12pm to take the report. It took all of me to act like I had since. I'm pissed b/c my cousin were their all night. No food was offered until the 4th hour. It was a school night and my mom had work the next day, but no one gave a shit about that. I'm pissed b/c this has been happening a lot in Houston since "They" got here. The police are starting to take hours to get to calls b/c they are backed up and a lot of them have quit. I'm pissed b/c the influx in crime is in direct correlation with the New Orleans people coming here. I'm pissed b/c this case was not taken seriously. I'm pissed b/c no matter how much I try to keep an open-mind about our VISITORS, I can't b/c too much evidence is against them. I'm not saying all of them and I'm not saying Houston didn't have problem b4, but I have never heard of anyone waiting that long for the police to come, especially at a hospital. My mom said a women's house got broken into in her apartments and it took the police 6 hours to get there. Now I know this is common some place, but not here. Then I read this today
The underlying $91.1 billion spending bill provides $67.6 billion to fund the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and $19.1 billion in new money for hurricane relief and rebuilding along the Gulf Coast.
The bill would bring total funding for the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan to $117.6 billion for the budget year ending Sept. 30. Total spending on Iraq and Afghanistan since the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001 would reach almost $400 billion.
I HATE BUSH. HE IS THE WORST PRESIDENT EVER. He is on a personally agenda and not what is best for this country. It amazes me that we can spend more on a pointless war than on rebuilding in our own country. I'm just pissed all together.
On a lighter note. " I Got A Jizob" ( from DaDa on Next Friday).
~Smooches~
I want to scream
But who would hear
I want to run away
But I cant remember how I got here
Lost in my own head
I wish I could clear my mind
Rewind Time
Make up different lines
And do it all again
Make it better this time
A Stronger me
Concentrate more on my abilities
Not what I dont have
I can't get mad
B/c it was all my choice
North or South
Left or RIght
I'm too tired to fight
About something I cant change
Gotta figure out how to maintain
The future is all I have
To make of it what I want
I gotta get on point
And prove to me
My life was never meant to be
Less the average
With the typical madness
I'm built for betta things....
I'm stuck. tell me what yall think thus far ~smooches~
Time and time again I found myself in a position where Sasha was approaching me with a threesome or telling me to fuck someone b/c he had good dick. Now I, personally. don't get down like that. I think is nasty And I don't do sloppy seconds. Sasha would always tell me about how good or bad the men she slept with were. She even told a few to break me off or made it seem like we "ALL" were going to get down. I would laugh it off b/c I know me. The problem was I never knew if she was serious. If I would have been down for it would she have? Now its possible it could be yet another one of her head games to see if I can be trusted or to see which flavor I prefer. Several times I could swear she was making a pass at me. I wasn't looking for that. I really just wanted a cool friend no strings or sex.
I said all that to get to a this. Mike a dude I met through Sasha would always hit on me when I came over her house and he was there. Now Mike was Sasha's man friend. He is also Jamaican and I never could really understand what the fuck he was saying until I had been around him and her boyfriend for a while. So, after finally understanding a convo I found out he had a little sense. He was really aggresive, like I like. I know he dealt with some grimey shit as well. I guess that was equally a turn on. Sasha kept telling me to fuck with him and that he was working with some major weight, if you know what I mean. Mike and I have never fucked, but we messed around. Nothing to serious.
Recently Sasha told me Mike was starting to hit the Cane heavy. She said he was coming like everyday buying nice sacks. Mike is truly a smart guy, but he has gotten way off track. He was a huge weed head but he didnt fuck with this shit on the regular like he was now. The fucked up part is that Sasha is his supplier. Now Mike and her are real cool. Mike and her man were real close. The more she talks about him the more I think of how cold she really is. Its all about money to her. She doesn't give a fuck about shit but the dollar.
Oddly, Mike ended up coming over while I was there and he was jumpy and kept shaking. He couldn't sit still. When Sasha told him she didn't have any he started talking about how his friend really need some. THe second her connectecd called and said he would be on the saw. Mike instally calmed down a little bit b/c he knew it was coming. I knew the man he waws befoer and the shit was said on top of a turn off. Mike told Sshas to let him hold some omey until he got the money from the other guy. Craig has never been a broke dude lt me say. Evertime I saw him he had money.
Then some shit started running through my head. How Mike would drop Sasha cash all the time. He would just give her money when she talk about how she was struggling. I figured they were just cool. She always said he had big dick. Then a thought about earlier when she said he does so much caine his shit won't get hard. Now I see it. I am so slow I didn't see it before. The way he looked at her sometimes or the way he spoke. I remember the day Mike and I fooled around Sasha suddenly had to go some where really quick and left us alone for a while. Sasha is or has fucked Mike. . Why would someone do that. It accrued to me that the few men that she has introduced me to she has prolly fucked. Sasha has too many levels for me.
The aboveis the lasted Sasha story. Sasha seriously never fails to amaze me. I figured out so much more shit this time. I figured out people who don't play games always get played b/c they don't even think about the game. The don't even think ppl play it and that sets you up for failure. Sasha recently stop talking to me b/c she thought I stole money from her and she didn't want to ask me about it. Why would strong Sasha hesitate to question me about her money. Why just stop talking to me for no reason and give no explanation. Then after a few weeks, she finally tells me what the problem is. If you read my past post about Sasha you will understand now why I cant trust her. The problem is I really like hangin with her. Its like virtual trip through the last urban novel you read. Her life excites me. Everyone knows when you play with fire you get burned. Sasha unber estimates my listening abilites. Now, I'm playing her game and she doesn't know. I'm Out ~Smooches~
I'm dissappointed in myself, b/c I am in damn near the same position I was in 2 years ago. I was so miserable this time 2 years ago b/c I knew this is not how my story was suppose to play out. I have BIG dreams and they are all in my grasp, but I seem to keep missing and falling flat on my face in front of tons of ppl. Its like a reoccuring nightmare. You'd think I could get it right finally. The same scene over and over and it keeps playingout the same no matter how many redos I get. I'm beginning to think I'm afraid to suceed, but that insane. THats all I think about, how life could be if I shoulda coulda woulda. My obseession with past failures are not allowing me to see that the future is what I make it.
I've been reading the palm reading book. It explains the lines on the hand and what they could possible mean. I know this shit is written to sound like someone perhaps, but its really interesting how much the stuff is on point. I guess I really just need to vent a little. Its funny b/c it also said that I am more likely to show my feelings instead of saying them and that I probably keep a journal to get stuff out. I admit I usually don't say how I feel b/c its easier to deal with. IT also say i'm probally a poet and really creative. Yall should check it out if u havent :)
On a lighter not did the bleeps just start on the Boonbocks or am I trippin. "Nab Oprah" was quite hilarious. Charlie Murphy and Samuel L. Jackson were funny as hell. Oh and I love how the "Blame Game" As everyone was calling it during Katrina has started again. Of course this was going to do.'
President Bush was anything less than fully involved," said White House homeland security adviser Frances Fragos Townsend.
LMAO remember when they reported Bush was still at the ranch and didnt cut his trip short for the NATIONAL EMERGENCY.
I'm out ~Smooches~
Sasha was the kinda girl you learned a lot from. She was always about her paper at all cost. She was the girl eveyone underestimated. She was the girl everyone thought they could fuck over. Little did I know Sasha would teach me an important part of the game last night. I hadnt chilled with her in a while, but thats a whole other story. She told me to come through and chill with her. Sasha and I were really close until this little BS went down, so I really missed chilling with her. Watching this girl work was an art form. All I could do was sit back and watch the show.
When I walk into the house I see there are new charcter added to the story now. 2 dudes are there. 1 have met before the other is new. Eventually Sasha and I get some time alone and I ask her as always whats the story on these dudes. Sasha tells me that the one dude that I know is now living with her. She said he was boohooin about he didnt have a place to live so she let him stay. THis isn't suprising. She is truely a really nice person as long as you are down for her and coming up. She then tells me the dude is triffling and doesnt clean up. He has also been smoking her product. Then to put the icing on the cake he just told her she owes him $40 for making change for one of her customers. The problem with that is all her product is gone and all the money is right. So how does she owe him anything. This is mind blowing to me that someone would consider someone else this damn stupid. I mean it is impossible to fuck ova a drug dealer. They are about their paper, but she gives him the money anyway. She knows he is lieing through his teeth, but she still gives him the money. THe automatic question for me was WTH u do that for. She say
"I like playing the game. I wanna see how far he will let it go. Money doesnt mean shit to me. THis is entertainment."
SO I ask her whats up with the other dude.
"He is something to do. He thinks I dont know that he stole my contacts out of my bathroom. I saw this dumbass Nigga at the club with them on. I know my shit and I have bad vision, so I know he couldnt see shit."
I say "Why do you keep him around, if you know he shady?"
She says "Think about this. If the police busted my house today, Who are they most likely to believe? A girl with no serious record or this dude that just got out of jail and is on probation.
I look at her in awe. She says "Its all part of the game. Even when people think they are winning and getting over, they are not. They see me as a dumb ass and think I dont notice this shit, when everything I do is a part of a plan.
************************************************************************************
I told this story for a few reason. One Sasha is a bad bitch and this is only one story of how this girls mind works. ITs intriguing to me b/c it is something I would never tolerate. Until this point I think I never really understood Game reconginze Game b/c I dont like playing it. I never play the game b/c it seem like a waste of time or perhaps it b/c I never had the need to. I have always been able to recognize it, but I usually do the opposite of the correct way in handling it. I call you on it and weed you out of my life. Sasha on the other had recognizes it and uses it to her advantage. From now on I'm going to have a Sasha post. I really want to write a book about this chick and the shit she has been through. Her shit gives THe Coldest Winter a run for its money. THe problem is after her telling me all this I dont really trust her anymore. IT also has a lot to do with the incident and us not talking, which I will post about later. . If she plays the games with other ppl why cant she be playing them with me. The problem is street smarts only takes u so far. You know what they say "YOu cant play a playa b.c u will always get played."
Yesterday I was watching the Daily Show. Jon Stewart was making fun of Bush as usual. I began to think of what other countries must think of our President. I personally think he is a fuckin idiot. I mean have you heard him talk. He was answering question at a college in NC I believe. This chick asked him why was there an education fund cut. He tried to act like he didn't hear her and then He didn't even know what the hell she was talking about. This is the man that makes major decisions for our country. Its sad that he doesn't know or his advisor don't at least cover the basis before an interview. His dumb ass was talking bout mountain biking and such. WTF, If I go and hear the president speak he better talk about more then his fucking hobbies. Now the state he was in is of course Republican, so they kept singing his praises. The funny part was in the background you heard some country bumpkin hick say "You did good Mr. President." What exactly has he done good these last few years in office.
Oh I must add to my last post. MY sister always says the phrase "Niggas and Flies". I never really understood what it meant until the trifling ass Nigga stole my phone.
Oh and why do ppl say " It could be worst" WTF, IT could be a whole lot fucking betta too. I hate the whole optimistic glass is half full shit. ~smooches~
I am soooooooooooooooooooo pissed off right now. You want to know why? TRiffling ass broke NIGGAS. Well, one in particular who I was trying to help out. This sorry Bastid stole my NEW cell phone from work after I let his TRiffling ass use our phone. I mean I dont understand. Why must black people contiune to bring each other down. If he only knew all the shit I'm going through right now and this shit does not make it better. If any of who have not seen the Martin Luther King Jr. speech on the Boondocks, you should really TIvo it. IT was damn near the best speech I'ver heard sine I have a Dream. YOu know they really need to be called out. FRom now on when ppl are acting Nigerish I'm gonna str8 call it like I see it. This shit has to stop. I'm so pissed right now, I dont even remember the funny shit I was gonna right. More lata ppl. ~Smooches~
If you didnt know, I write spoken word. I'm too big of a scarey cat to preform it. Check me out and let me know what you think ~Smooches~ Oh and there is a regular post below :)~
Your love is blinding
Only allowing me to see you
Your aura is consuming
Oh How you take over me
And make me feel safe
I'm at peace with this
Our union
The most beautiful thing I know
It must be heaven sent
Oh how I miss ya scent
Intoxicating
The words don't come out right
I'm tipsy from your love
I'm under your spell
You are the truth
Never leading me astray
Your love shines down on me
Like sun rays
YOu help me grow
YOu are my ray of hope
THat true love still exist
And it lives in our love
You give me joy
That cannot be measured
Baby, If you dont inhale
I can't exhale
You breath life into me
You and I I were pre-determined
Written in the Stars
For others to gaze upon in awe
How is it possible to be
So into you
But never stop being me
You are my destiny
I was looking through my journals from the last 2 years and I discovered something. I have changed. I am so amazed that the person writing was me. The shit I put up with was like "wow". I'm so happy b/c I LOVE ME. That is a little new. I talk a good game and that's b/c a true warrior never shows fear.
SO, I'm loving the response to my return. I really really appreciate the love ppl. Thank You. Its nice to have feedback on ya life sometime.
I was at the Sprint store today (I got a new phone for free :). thank the lawd for boobs lol) and this women ask me if I was from New Orleans. First let me say up to this point we were having a great convo. We were discussing how much Sprint truly sux and the hopes of now that they have merged, it would get better customer service. Then after this enlightening convo she asks me this nonsense. I mean don't get me wrong I wasn't offended. I was more stunned that she would confuse me. Now this may sound rude, but seriously I have heard them talk. Its really easy to tell usually. ( PLZ PPL OF NEW ORLEANS DO NOT TAKE OFFENSE TO MY NEXT STORY> THIS IS ONLy COMIC RELIEF THO EVERY THING I SAW DID TRULY HAPPEN)
I made the mistake of giving one of our new VISITORS my #. He seemed ok and he was talking about partaking (HEHE) so I was cool. Tell me why this dude called me like 25 times that night. He would call and say the same shit ova and ova. And hands to the heaven he was the slowest.
I would tell him something like "I don't know what time I can come. Let me call you back in about an hour." Is that hard to understand? His response "Ok, you know I really wanna see you, What time you wanna meet?" (After 3 times of this I stop and look at the phone. I scream into it "Can you fucking hear me?" He is like "Yeah lil mama I can hear you." So I say "Well, can you fucking understand what I'm saying?" He's like "Yeah mama I understand. What time you wanna meet?" I hang up the phone. I have a short patience for stupidity on simple shit. Ray Nagin Please Repair Chocolate City" ~Smooches~
P.S Really feeling Bun B Please support. Oh and thats my favorite verse ") A Girl has gotta get her's ;)
It dawned upon me today that I may be single because my tolerance for punk ass behavior is very low. I am not attracted to a dude who do not know how to take charge. I can tell a weak man from a mile away. I can tell when I can play with your head or catch your attention. Its pathetic. Get some fucking balls or Please do not approach me. I need a shirt that says CONFIDENT FAT BITCH. Losers need not apply. The world is not ready for me and neither are most Houston men.
OR shall I sat Hou-Orleans men. Man the crime rate in Houston has risen so fast it giving law enforcemnet a swimming in the head. We are short on cops and gang violents have seemed to increase. I swear to you I went out the other Night to a club that is usually very nice. Little did I know it was New Orleans Night. Have you ever heard the shit they play in the club? ITs like TEchno-RAp. They mix any song you can possibley think of with the same ass shaking beat. THe DJ was literaly sayin "who got they FEMA Check." And the crowd whent wild.
P.S. My mom told me she had to work today b/c its a 2 blk person limit that gets off on MLK. It's an optional holiday. That is so rude. Oh and BOONDOCKS R THE SHIT :)
~smooches~