Fusterated

I am soooooooooooooooooo Fusterated right now. The women at my job got fired today. Some to findout it has nothing to do with me, she has been slipping on her pimpin for a while and the boss finally let her go. The worst part is (well for me) now I have a shit load of work thrown at me and my boss is being all pissy. I just learned all this shit last week and he expects me to know all this crap. I hate not being able to d what is required of me not b/c I can't but b/c I haven't been taught. I am a bit of a perfetionist so this is realy irking me to no end. I need to understand whatI'm doing to ensure it is done right and I can't do that at this point. I am slos sick of him snapping at me ugh. I hate when ppl talk to me like I', stupid and he gives this look that says it. I'm not stupid i'm uninformed there is a big difference. I hope I can do this.

It feels like everything is annoying me today. I'm taking everything someone says to heart or the complete long way. Not to mention I'm starting to like someone and its been so long since I have I don't know what to do. I don't want to rush it and I don't want to come on too strong. So I feel like I am stuck in the middle of pretending I don't like them and lovey dovey talk. I HATE DATING. I want to skip through it all and find the ONE and live happily ever after. I'm so scared of being hurt, but at the same time I don't want to hold back how I feel. I'm trying to believe that everyone is nt alike and they are not allout to hurt me. I have this thing tho. Everytime a person I like says something I heard b4 that was bullshit, I replay that senario in my head. I have trust issues. I try to give everyone a chance, but this crap still runs through my head. Maybe I'm not ready for this just yet. I have been doing the single thing for a minute andI thought I was ready to get back out there. Now I want to run and hide b/c I gotta go through the B/S again.

Why does fat have such a bad stigma attached to it. Why is it that ppla re so interested in the FAT part of my name. IT doesn't matter that I'm sexy , its all about the fat. Why do you call urself that? You don't look fat is what they say. GREAAAAAAATTTTT I'm so happy I don't look that way to you. Prolly b/c I've lost a few pounds and things are melting away. I know that I am far from skinny, but maybe not so fat anymore. I hate using the word thick b/c it the wrong way. Why can't I just be me a person you find attractive and has a really cool personality. Why must I be defined by that. Its so funny when I meet ppl online and they come here then ask me are you fat. My respone is do I look fat. Beter yet do you like what you see. If you do then why the fuck do you care. So you guys be the judge. They are a bit blurry but you can still see my body type. What do you think?

I am doing some serious venting today. Thanks for listening.

Oh I almost forgot. Sasha called me again this weekend. She told me she did indeed go to jail for warrents and something else which she didn't get to tell me. I pretty sure what the otehr charge was. She also asked me to borrow $200. Of course I said no. I haven't called or went over there. I know she is bad for me and the Lord saved me once. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. So I gotta say HOLLA to Sasha. Thats all for now ~Smooches~