I am soooooooooooooooooo Fusterated right now. The women at my job got fired today. Some to findout it has nothing to do with me, she has been slipping on her pimpin for a while and the boss finally let her go. The worst part is (well for me) now I have a shit load of work thrown at me and my boss is being all pissy. I just learned all this shit last week and he expects me to know all this crap. I hate not being able to d what is required of me not b/c I can't but b/c I haven't been taught. I am a bit of a perfetionist so this is realy irking me to no end. I need to understand whatI'm doing to ensure it is done right and I can't do that at this point. I am slos sick of him snapping at me ugh. I hate when ppl talk to me like I', stupid and he gives this look that says it. I'm not stupid i'm uninformed there is a big difference. I hope I can do this.
It feels like everything is annoying me today. I'm taking everything someone says to heart or the complete long way. Not to mention I'm starting to like someone and its been so long since I have I don't know what to do. I don't want to rush it and I don't want to come on too strong. So I feel like I am stuck in the middle of pretending I don't like them and lovey dovey talk. I HATE DATING. I want to skip through it all and find the ONE and live happily ever after. I'm so scared of being hurt, but at the same time I don't want to hold back how I feel. I'm trying to believe that everyone is nt alike and they are not allout to hurt me. I have this thing tho. Everytime a person I like says something I heard b4 that was bullshit, I replay that senario in my head. I have trust issues. I try to give everyone a chance, but this crap still runs through my head. Maybe I'm not ready for this just yet. I have been doing the single thing for a minute andI thought I was ready to get back out there. Now I want to run and hide b/c I gotta go through the B/S again.
Why does fat have such a bad stigma attached to it. Why is it that ppla re so interested in the FAT part of my name. IT doesn't matter that I'm sexy , its all about the fat. Why do you call urself that? You don't look fat is what they say. GREAAAAAAATTTTT I'm so happy I don't look that way to you. Prolly b/c I've lost a few pounds and things are melting away. I know that I am far from skinny, but maybe not so fat anymore. I hate using the word thick b/c it the wrong way. Why can't I just be me a person you find attractive and has a really cool personality. Why must I be defined by that. Its so funny when I meet ppl online and they come here then ask me are you fat. My respone is do I look fat. Beter yet do you like what you see. If you do then why the fuck do you care. So you guys be the judge. They are a bit blurry but you can still see my body type. What do you think?
I am doing some serious venting today. Thanks for listening.
Oh I almost forgot. Sasha called me again this weekend. She told me she did indeed go to jail for warrents and something else which she didn't get to tell me. I pretty sure what the otehr charge was. She also asked me to borrow $200. Of course I said no. I haven't called or went over there. I know she is bad for me and the Lord saved me once. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. So I gotta say HOLLA to Sasha. Thats all for now ~Smooches~
Hello Fellow Bloggers
The Pic above is the view from my office. I love it. I am freezing my booty off and I think I'm getting a cold. Global Warming is really screwing over Texas and I'm sure some other places. Its usually hot as the devils ball down here, oh but no not today its is cold as hell instead.
Its a bit awkward around the office. I don't really know how to handle it or how it will play out, but yesterday we had a staff meeting. At the staff meeting my boss is telling me all the things he wants the guy here from out of town to train me on. Everything He wants me to learn this other lady in the office already does. I came in as a temp Receptionist almost a month ago. SO, as he is telling me what I am to learn the women burst in and says.
"You are teaching her everything I do. If she's going to do that what am I going to do. Am I getting fired?"
My boss says He wants everyone to be trained on the system and no she is not getting fired. He also says they were going to have a private meeting after this to discuss some other shit with her. So we all leave and I got to the back to her desk to get trained and she answers the phone. After the guy and I are done training for the day, I go back and tell her she can have her desk back b/c we are done for the day. Mind you she came back there and got all her paper work and such , but I'm thinking is b/c she needs all that shit to do her work in the front. The women tells me we don't need to switch back b/c IF she stays that the receptionist area will be her new desk. My mouth drops and I'm like are you serious. She's like yeah so you can just stay back there. I felt so bad b/c this women is really nice and she's been in this business for awhile I assume and they are just going to give me her job.
For the rest of the day I really didn't have anything to do so I asked her if she wanted me to answer the phones, so she could do her other work. She says it with a little attitude no I got it. I feel like she is being rude to me for something that has nothing to do with me. Her job is a lot of work and a good learning experience, but I didn't try to take it and didn't ask for it. I feel like its going to be hostile if I actually do get her job. Although my boss hasn't discussed me taking her job, but he has said he wants to hire me permanently. I thought it was for the receptionist job, which would have been great. So time will tell how all that is going to go down.
Last night Sasha called me. I deleted her # so I didn't know it was her calling. ( I don't memorize # I just add them to my celly). I answer and I hear her say hello, but she is breaking up. So she hangs up and calls back, but I still can't hear her. I guess she got out, but I don't know how. I really want to know what happen but I don't want to get caught up in her drama again. Its really hard to let go of someone I see as a friend, but on the other hand I don't really trust her. I can't/won't call her. I'm sure she will call me back. I'm also wondering if she found the whole incident suspicious. I mean the cop comes I suddenly leave and go home. I mean she aint dumb I know she peeped the cops, but I don't know. I thought this shit was over, but I fear this will not be the last time I hear from Sasha. That's all for now Peoples ~Smooches~
A messenger just came into my office and told me
" You should smile like that all the time. You have a smile that will light up a room"
That turned this shitty day upside down. I love when ppl do random acts of kindness sometimes ppl really need it. So I don't have much to say. Posted some pics of my new hair cut. I loooovvvvvvvveeeeeee it.
For some reason I couldn't let Sasha go that easily. I had to know if I was right and if The LAWD was speaking to me and saved me from a heap of trouble. So, I called her,anonymous of course. Her phone went str8 to voicemail. Sasha's phone never goes str8 to voicemail. So I called again and it did the same thing. That can only mean one thing. She is in jail. Sasha's phone is never off b/c thats her money. Thank the lawd for instincts and following them. I know for sure I would have been in jail right now. I on the other hand will never know if she planned to do me dirty. Maybe laterin life we will me again. If she got caught htat night she is going in for a while. Its really sad b/c she only started b/c her stupid boyfriend told her to hold down the fort while he sent to jail and like a dumb ass she did. I never got that part. She had a regular job and she didn't need to, but she did it for him. I hope I never have a love like that.
On another note WTF is going on with gas prices. I mean dang. I HATE BUSH. I cannot wait till election comes around. I'm so happy he can't run again. I mean who voted for this man. Now he says our troops will be there until his term is up and the next Presidnet will have to clean up his mess. SMH PPl PLEASE VOTE if only so gas can go back to normal. That's all for now HOLLA ~Smooches~
I say "Why do you keep him around, if you know he shady?"She says "Think about this. If the police busted my house today, Who are they most likely to believe? A girl with no serious record or this dude that just got out of jail and is on probation.
The problem is after her telling me all this I don't really trust her anymore. IT also has a lot to do with the incident and us not talking, which I will post about later. . If she plays the games with other ppl why cant she be playing them with me. The problem is street smarts only takes u so far. You know what they say "You cant play a playa b/c u will always get played."
Sasha seriously never fails to amaze me. I figured out so much more shit this time. I figured out people who don't play games always get played b/c they don't even think about the game. They don't even think ppl play it and that sets you up for failure.
So, After reading blogs all morning I decided to make another post. I'm still struggling with what to do with Sasha. Her way of thinking is just to crazy for me. She has recently been dating some Scrub from the NO. She is not feeling anything about him, but his penis. She left us alone togeather to go to the store the other day. Why is this dude asking me things like: Can I eat ur pussy and telling me all the things he can do to me. Not mention before she left he was flirting with another friend of hers. SO, of course I am totally repulsed b/c this is not my style. I dont fuck with friends man and I dont do sloppy seconds. It seems all the men she messes with are trifflin. So I ended up dropping this dude off for her. Tell me why he ask me did I want to come up to his apartment. I asked him to shut my door before I told him something. I then talk to her the next day and I tell her how mad he was at her for not dropping him off herself. I also tell her he is triffling. I told her he tried to fuck me and if I was a dirty biatch he would have got some. You know what her response was. You should have got you some head and some of that good dick. I'm like hell naw. Sasha claims that she never has sex with the many different dudes she talks to, but then at other times she tells my how good or bad the sex was. I try so hard to understand how this girls mind works. She is such a good person in so many ways and in others she is an undercover scnadoulous BITCH. Everything she does is to benefit her, but she makes you think its to benefit others. I really enjoy being with her most of the time. I think I really keep going back b/c there is a slight attraction that has developed. I tried sooooooooo hard to make this a platonic friendship, but the more we hang out the more I see her that she may want more than that. The other day I was there. We were talking about kissing. I was like I love to kiss. She all of a sudden bends down and is like 5 centimeters from my lips and stops. I really believe the only reason she stopped is the look on my face. I had to have looked shocked or digusted or something. I know it wasnt an inviting face b/c I was so shocked that she was about to do that. On another occasion. She came out of the shower naked and had a conversation with me and modeled her new underware. My friends use to say this girl liked me and I was just in denile, but my reisistance to the thought is fading. I think there right. I think she's waiting on me to make a move as to not ruin or friendship or freak me out. This whole situation is crazy. I'm usual great at reading peoples intentions and hers are lost on me. ~smooches~
I am the Proud Auntie of a BEAUTIFUL HEALTHY baby Girl. I think we will call her Olivia. Watching someone give birth(this is my 2nd time) is the most emotional thing ever. I felt so helpless seeing my sissy like that and not being able to do anything. When they pulled her out and she held her in her arms I cried. I know its painful, but I can't wait to experience that feeling. Bringing a life into the world is by far the most beautiful thing ever. I am on cloud 9 right now although I only had 4 hours of sleep. Women are offically amazing creatures. ~Smooches~
I realize this weekend that ppl I don't give a shit about can't hurt me. I ponder there actions, but there actions don't hurt like they use too. The only people that can still get to me and hurt me are the ones I love. Some seem to be so skilled at this art. I am extremely sensitive which most of my friends and family know. The words they say to me have a way of turning my world upside down when they are hurtful. This weekend that happen to me. Someone I love said something to me that hurt me. Hurt me so much that the moment didn't and has not yet pass. Every time I see them or hear their voice I think of what they said and it makes me want to cry all over again. I know that everyone has their faults me included, but I've been trying so hard to be a better person. A more responsible person and get back on my feet. Maybe its me and I'm truly not doing shit,but that is so hard for me to except. I was so excited when I left work Friday b/c they offered me a permanent position. I bought Champange to celebrate. Within a few hours my mood was totally changed. I felt like I use to in school when kids picked on me. The ppl I love have a way of making me feel like a child and completely useless sometimes. All I wanted was someone to celebrate with and instead I got hurt. I'm also usually very outspoken, but with certain ppl I love I can't be. Some ppl are not very sensitive to others feelings. So, instead of saying what I think I just say what they want to hear. Its sad that an adult would be afraid to say what she needs to, but Its just not worth it most times. This time was the one time I tried to stand up for myself b/c I felt I was right and it only hurt in the end and the point I was making was totally not seen. I guess I can't win for losing. This whole incident has made me more determined though. I am determined to succeed and do better that what I'm doing. I'm not gonna look back and have regrets. I have to get out of my situation in order to keep my sanity and I'm crazy enough so a sista gotta get it together lol. I wish I could take a pill everyday that made me less sensitive. Its my greatest weakness. Moral of my story is "Words do hurt and Fuck Everyone all you have is yourself in the end." ~Smooches~
As everyone knows I talk about the New Orleans folks that have invaded my city. Although their presence has no affected me directly, excluding taking over everything and making asses out of themselves. Last night I was finally truly affected by their presence. Now my mom says that I am stereotyping, but that's BULLSHIT. I know how Houston was before and I know how it is now. Last night there was an incident of Child Abuse(LONNNNNNNNNNG story) to my cousin, who reside with my mom, from her mother. She is fine, but they made her go to the hospital just b/c of the circumstances. My mother and both children waited at the hospital for almost 5 hours. After my cousin was checked out and proven to be not hurt, they would not let us leave. The nurses told us we were not allowed to leave until the police came. There is a sub station no more then 3 miles away from the hospital. Again we were waiting 5 hours. We asked to leave and go to the sub station right down the street to file the report ourselves and still we were refused. The nurses kept telling up that the police had been dispatched, for 5 HOURS. Finally at 11pm, we were there since 6pm, my mom said she was leaving and they could come to her house to make the report. The police showed at like 12pm to take the report. It took all of me to act like I had since. I'm pissed b/c my cousin were their all night. No food was offered until the 4th hour. It was a school night and my mom had work the next day, but no one gave a shit about that. I'm pissed b/c this has been happening a lot in Houston since "They" got here. The police are starting to take hours to get to calls b/c they are backed up and a lot of them have quit. I'm pissed b/c the influx in crime is in direct correlation with the New Orleans people coming here. I'm pissed b/c this case was not taken seriously. I'm pissed b/c no matter how much I try to keep an open-mind about our VISITORS, I can't b/c too much evidence is against them. I'm not saying all of them and I'm not saying Houston didn't have problem b4, but I have never heard of anyone waiting that long for the police to come, especially at a hospital. My mom said a women's house got broken into in her apartments and it took the police 6 hours to get there. Now I know this is common some place, but not here. Then I read this today
The underlying $91.1 billion spending bill provides $67.6 billion to fund the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and $19.1 billion in new money for hurricane relief and rebuilding along the Gulf Coast.
The bill would bring total funding for the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan to $117.6 billion for the budget year ending Sept. 30. Total spending on Iraq and Afghanistan since the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001 would reach almost $400 billion.
I HATE BUSH. HE IS THE WORST PRESIDENT EVER. He is on a personally agenda and not what is best for this country. It amazes me that we can spend more on a pointless war than on rebuilding in our own country. I'm just pissed all together.
On a lighter note. " I Got A Jizob" ( from DaDa on Next Friday).
~Smooches~