Chronicles Of The Sexy Fat Chick

Late Night Thinking

2012-01-14T00:20:00.000-08:00

I went to a poetry show tonight. I started thinking about how much I use to be into spoken word. Then I started thinking about a poem I couldn't remember apart to, which led me back to my old home this blog. I begin reading some old post. I see so much growth, so many lessons learned the hard way. I miss an outlet. I have started at least 3 new blogs, but I feel so connected to this one. I have lost all my little following, but this blog has my life for several years, I poured my heart out to it. How could I just leave it. Life kept me busy, but now I am finally at a place in my life where I have time to write and I have so much on my mind. I want to come back home, but it feels so weird. I guess you never know what could happen until you try. I think its time to try. I need to get back to the things I use to love. I need to get back to me.

SFC

I just want to be SUCCESSFUL

2009-09-19T10:44:00.000-07:00

this blog use to be my life. I would blog faithfully, but life has changed and things are super busy. Although, things have changed I think it is important to get back to what you are use to. I have so much shit to say and not enough intelligent people to listen to it. So, why not share my enlightment with the world lol.

Back

2009-05-30T11:34:00.000-07:00

I started a new blog and started writing on it, but there is really no place like home. I thought this blog had too much history, but is really just has all my growth. This blog shows me going from a unsettled woman in search of her sexuality. In search of acceptance, to who I am now. I am secure in how I am and what I am. I am learning that others opinions of me don't matter. The only thing that matters I that I am happy with my life and I can look back with no regrets. I am older but I still feel young, like I have so much to learn and that excites me and disappoints me. I feel like I've been through so much already, what could be next. I know without a doubt my path will be great and I will achieve all I ever dreamed...in time.

So, lets recap the growth. I am a lesbian, I have gained my independence, I am walking the path to my success, I am motivated and ready for greatness. I am single and hating it, I finally came out to my mother, one of the hardest things I have ever done. I have loved a few women and at the end I wondered why, but I am finally starting to see the lesson. I am learning that everything isn't meant to be compromised.

I just turned 26 and my life was consumed with school and work and my small social life. Now I am on summer break, laid off, and wonder what they hell am I suppose to do with myself. I am bored beyond belief. There are no distractions. I truly have me time and it scares the shit out of me. I feel all the emotions I don't have time to feel when my life is in full force. I feel lonely, bored, depressed, happy, excited, and insane all at the same time.

I have to figure out how to be happy alone with no distractions. I finally have to do some soul searching in myself and I don't want to. Or maybe I simply don't know how to start. All of this has happened for a reason I believe is for me to figure out some shit.

Follow me on my journey...

~Smooches~

ANNOYED AND MISUNDERSTOOD

2007-08-01T10:26:00.000-07:00

I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ANNOYED. Explain this to me why the fuck does my opinion matter so much. I figured out a long time ago if u worry about what everyone else think you are bound to feel like a failure. I know I can be a bitch or just rude sometimes but if you know me u know its all love. If I do sometihng you dont like thats fine I will try to remember that, but I can only be ME. So, if it happens again let that shit go cause I have already told you how it is. Then to make it seem like I always do it or I do it on purpose pisses me off. I am so tired of ppl not understanding me and wantin these changes. Well fuck that I dont want to change if you can't handle the person I am then dont FUCK with me. I Am like so beyond stressed right now. Its amazing how things can be going so right but still have you damn near going crazy. My life is moving in the direction I want but other thing are poppin of as my progress is happenin that is really stressin me. It amazes me how ppl can justify there behavior with what there going through, but cant understand yours can be based on the same thing. I'm not sayin its right but thats how it is. I am a good person I dont try to hurt people and when ppl make it seem like thats what i'm doin it annoys me especially someone I'm really down for whenever they need me. If I can accept you for your flaws accept me for mine.

I'm so tired of BS and how did my life get filled with so much drama. I am forever Yellin "DRAMA-FREE" then outta no where is all around me. I just want one day of not giving a shit about anything but of course that will never happen. I have so many feelings that I keep inside to please or make it ok for others and it always blows up in my face. When I finally say how I feel its like me just playin tit for tat with something they did when its really how I feel and I am at the point if you dont give a FUCK neither do I.

It amazes me how my mind set has changed from a year ago. Shit I wanted back then is stuff I absolute despise now. I dont want it anymore. I cant even figure out why I did it too much fuckin trouble. I just want any easy going life with stress that I create not from others. I wanna be understood and I dont feel like I am. I think its time to get on the FUCK THE WORLD tip and keep doin what I'm doing.

AHHHHHHHHHH! I feel better now. I thought I was gonna have to smoke a Cig for a minute this shit had me vexed. Wow I am cussing quite alot but thats how its coming out of my head. Anyway Thats all for now. Now that I have a laptop I need to start bloggin more. This is really helps lol. ~Smooches~

Me Myself and I

2007-04-30T06:12:00.000-07:00

Well GOOD MORNING BLOGGER,

Yeah Yeah its been a long while. Its been lots up ups and a lot of downs but I made it and well on my way back to the top. IT feels foreign being here. Like a baby I have abandon and now tryin to reconnect. My head has been spinning with things I want to say, but I couldn't write yet. Now I guess I have the urge. Where do you start when everything has changed? I am a year older, but feel 10 years wiser. Its amazing when you finally see the BS for what is was all along BULLSHIT. ITs like the sun shinning on shit and u missed it forever. Well now it stinks and I gotta move around. It feels good, I feel like I am finally becoming the women that I need to be to make my life what I have dreamed and I am finally making it happen.

Most important part of my Transformation. I took a 6 week vacation to Panama. Its amazing how seeing how another country lives completely opens you uo to what you could be or how much better you have it. My sister recently moved there and I went to see her and my Babies (my nieces). It was an amazing experience. Breath taking beaches and sunsets. Great food (some of the time) and I completely different vibe from the states. Its amazing to be in a less superficial space. Where beautiful is Just beautiful despite your size or race. Where people have no shame or rather no reserves about being themselves. IT also showed me how easily content people can be depending on their situation. Cashiers and fast food workers where suits to work. Can you imagine tis being a GREAT job in our country. Can you imagine being content in working in a grocery store b/c they dress it up and make it seem more GLAMOROUS. Don't get me wrong I know we have all started somewhere, but this is it for these people. You really think your poor until you see where the poor live int his country. The projects are paradise com paired to the run down high rise Panamanians stay in w/ no windows and clothes line draped between buildings. NY is crystal clean compared to the streets here lined with trash and smells unknown. It was an eye opener. How much do I take for granted? I have so many resources to do better but its the last thing on my list. It makes o since b/c here they don't have that choice. Police ride on motorcycles one in the from driving and one in the back with an AK rifle. Road blocks set up to check id and registration, but there are no tickets given just bribes and a "You can go" after the exchange. Yes, America indeed sucks sometimes. more than usual lately, but it could be a lot worst. It was just what I needed to start seeing things for what they really are. I beautiful place to clear my mind.

My Previous post was about unconditional lovers. I have been one for so long. I finally decided that it was unhealthy to love someone who only loves themselves. I had to let go of a friendship I have had for years. It's amazing how you can convince yourself that you are responsible for something you have nothing to do with. Can you really be responsible for an adult, no matter how much they act like a child? I decided I can't, Lord knows I tried for too long to be. It was finally time to let go. I thought it would be harder but I'm relived. I have surround myself with people I know actually give a shit and its not a show. People I can count on instead of it only being a one-way friendship. Its also weird now b/c I can't believe I remained friends so long without this person even changing a little. I had so much hope that there is always some good in people and now I think I was wrong. Some people don't. Some people are selfish and self centered. Some people are users. They take and take until you feel like there is nothing left and they still try to take more. You don't see this taking, you just see HOPE. A hope that one day things will change and your love will show them how it should be. I've learned that all the love in the world can't do shit for anyone if they don't love themselves and want to be a better person. Its OK tho, b/c now I am at peace with it.

I am they happiest, I've been in a long time and its not because everything is going well. Its because know that if I keep this path it will. If I'm patient all I want and desire will be mine. This vacation gave me my determination back. My mind set back. Action speak louder the words and I have been talking for too long. Watch Me WORK.
*************************************************************************************

ALRIGHY in less serious non life changing news (lol).

Ya girl has lost more weight so I'm thinking its time for a name change. I'm not feeling FAT anymore lol. I am definitely feeling SEXY tho. Stay tune for what I come up with

Did anyone watch the Search for the Next Pussy Cat Doll. Yeah I know it was crap. But the season finally was real crap. The shit is edited out the ass. It looks like something from out of the 80s. The worst shit I have seen all year. Not to mention seeing Lil Kim plastic beat up looking ass every week. I am convinced they put her on there b/c they wanted to take attention off the other chicks face who is also scary as hell.

Any who, That's all for now I gotta Get back to work. LOL ~Smooches~

Unconditonal Lovers

2007-01-08T09:48:00.000-08:00

I have a problem. Maybe its not a problem but it doesnt help make my life any easier. I am an UNCONDITIONAL LOVER. Sometimes I think it is a curse. I have the ability to see peoples true aura. Maybe I see what God really wants them to be. I block out or accept their HORRIBLE faults and see through to there good heart. I believe everyone has this ability with certain individuals, but no everyone can love this way. I mean when do u reach the point of no return when all that good shit u see inside doesnt mask the ugly person some people are determined to be? How long do u alow urself to be the idiot and swallow all the hurt feelings? I'm at a point were I can't do it anymore. It seems I have been seeing the good in certain ppl for a little to long and now I don't believe there is any. Now i believe I am delusional. All this hope I had for them to change or at least WANT to be a better person b/c that is what I show them is gone. I love so hard unfortunately sometimes harder than I love myself, which is my own fault. I can't allow my life to be so affected by someone I love that I cant recognize that I am no longer happy. This is no longer ok to love someone so much for so long and still feel like they don't give a shit. I thought maybe I should change myself, be more cold and unloving like them, but in all honest its not me. No matter how much I pretend not to care I do. I can no longer pretend it doesnt hurt or I dont cry when I do. Even though this will be the hardest thing I have ever done I dont see any other way. People never appreciate what they have until its gone. Unfortunately it will be too late to get it by then. When I thought about writin this post it started completely different. I started with me think of my grandmother. WE call her TiTi. She was no blood relation. Back in the day people that couldnt take care or want their kids would just give them to someone. Well that is what happen to my mom. She still knew her real family, but she grew up with TiTi. This is a women who never had any children of her own. She took in kid people couldnt or didnt want to take care of and raised them as her own. I never met a women quite like her. Her abitlity to love people that were nothing to her unconditionally was amazing. People would do some horrible shit to her and she would still have their back whe shit got funky. I never understood it as a child. It was passed to my mother and then to me i guess. I would look at them and think "Why dont u just leave them alone. They dont want to do right and probably never wiil." It is amazing what kind of hope UNCONDITIONAL LOVE gives u. Its like we believe our love can change anything, in time. Now that I am older I dont know if I believe it. The worst part is I don't know if I believe it and even if I did I dont think I would change. I love seeing the best in people most of the time. How long do U have to see the best in them b4 they finally see it and change to it as well?????
~Smooches~

I'm a Diamond in the Rough, But this Year I Shall SHINE

2007-01-03T08:07:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year EVERYONE!!!!

Yes, Its been awhile, but I 've been doing me. Tryin to get myself together and things are falling into place. I know more now that I ever have that I am truely BLESSED. In the last few months there has been so many times I wanted to give up but I pressed on. I believe we all go through things for a reason. This is my storm but the calm will come. Patience is the key. I have gotten a lot better with that. I know everything wont be great over night but if I am patient it always works out for me. Maybe not the way you want it to but there is always a ending. Anyway, decided to drop by with a few random thoughts and new pics. Ya Girl is almost not a Fat Chick anymore. I think I'm gonna have to change it to Sexy thick Chick. Either way I'm happy with it.

1. Clones Animals used for meat to sell in the store without a label it is cloned. WTF I am not eatin that shit. Some stuff God just does not want us to do and reproduce without his help must b one of them. Watch ppl gonna start going crazy and shit. <<<<<<<<

2. Oprah opening a new school in Africia b/c she is tired of helpin trifflin intercity black kids. <<<<<<<<<<>

3. DREAMGIRLS>>>>>>>>> By far the best black movie I've seen in a while. American Idol chick tore the house down for a first time actor. And what can I say about Beyonce but she was pretty to look at but her singin compared to American Idol ( Can't remember her name) was BOO BOO. Maybe takin this part wasnt the best idea. Anyway this movie demonstrates what I have been saying for years "FAT GURLS ALWAYS GET THE LAS LAUGH BITCHESSSS"

4. LIARS>>>>>>>>>>>Lately I have encountered a lot of liars. Not just regualr lies but shit that dont even need to be lied about. Like having a job. You can only hid that shit for so long. If i never see u at work its gonna get pretty hard to explain. Or lyin about ur hair being real. BITCH I SEE UR TRACKS I know that shit is fake and it aint even HUMAN. SMH

5. HATERS>>>>Finally saw Kat Williams Pimp Chronciles (funny as hell). Haters are gettin way more sneaky. The worst are the friend haters. Or they claim to be ya friend but u notice they steady throwin salt in ya game. Droppin little rude comments and laughin like oh I was just playin. Bitch do u see me laughin. One of my friends has the worst hater. This person has befriend this person and their mate only to break them up. It is so odvious the person likes one of them and is only tryin to weezil in. I see and I cant stand this person. What kind of friend goes back and tell ur mate everything you do wrong. Thats some hoe ass shit and then smile in ur face like they aint a snake. Watch ur back ppl they out there and they will sneak up on ya.

6.Cig Tax>>>>> I started smokin cigs for awhile when I was workin at the job from hell. I notice my use picked up lately. Well that shit is over b/c there is no way in HELL i'm payin almost 6 dollas for some cigs. I have one habit I dont need another. I am thinkin about bootleggin cigs tho. I mean seriously u could make a killing now.

Thats all I got for now. Hope everyone has a blessed year ~Smooches~ SFC

~1 Step Foward 2 Steps Back~

2006-11-17T09:28:00.000-08:00

Yeah Yeah I know I Have been MIA for a long minute. Life is getting the best of me at the moment. Its like if nothing is going good in my life i I really have no desire to write about it. Right now my life is not too great. Its hard to go from the baddest FAT bitch to the brokest. Am I making it? Yes. But i'm struggling and I haven't had to struggle in a while. It is so hard to stay positive. I know that eventually things will get better but its hard to see the sun when all these storms are in my way. I filed on my last employer and am awaiting the mediation, which i hope comes soon. I am so ready to get this over with. Sometimes I think was the stress my last job had as bad is the stress I have now. Was it really worth it? Hell Yes. True its hard, but by no mean should I have had to deal with all the shit that happen at that office. I miss the money, but thats about it. I mean don't get me wrong I grew up poor. I know the value of a dollar and how my life could be right now. Its really not that bad,but once u get use to shoppin every week it is a huge change. I guess I miss the life I was building for myself and I'm pissed b/c the ignorance of a few ppl I lost it all. Not because I was not doing a great job, but b/c the color of my skin. It makes me so mad just thinking about it.

Then with the whole job hunting saga and bills piling up my sister leaves the country and she take the only 2 poeple that can make me smile no matter how bad i feel. She took my neices. Her entire family moved to Panama. When she was here we argued a lot, but what sisters don't especially when u live with them. Now that she is gone I realized how much I needed her. I don't even mean money or all the cool shit we did together. I mean just her. I miss someone who listens. I have realized none of my friends truely listen. When people tell me their problems I seriously think about it and try to help them. I don't feel like I get that in return except from her. She always listen and tells me really good advice even if she knows thats not what I want to hear. I miss that. Its so true you never know what you have until its gone. I definately feel it now.

And to keep with the tragic theme. This is the FIRST holiday I will be completely alone. My Mom is going to visit my sister in P-Ma and I am left to fend for myself in Houston. Its really not that bad b/c I can go to errbody house and get a plate without feeling greedy lol. I'll propbably spend it with one of my friends family that can really throw down in the kitchen.

Sidebar--- This is going to be a real shocker. Yesterday I met not one but 3 people from the New Orleans that was not ghetto and their accent was actually cute. I was taken a back b/c they talked like they had some sense.

Why is it when people get a little money, they completely forget where they came from. This shit is annoying. Its like uh Excuse I knew the broke you ur not that fly. I dunno I'm not one to hate, but when it becomes pretty odvious that someone is trying to make you jealous that shit gets on my nerves. I am happy for your sucess or lack there of but You don't need to try to rub it in my face. Oh and by the way I've been there and done that on my OWN, so get ya mind right. Money is the root of all evil 4real.

Also what is up with this Thug Mentality. I am noticing more and more young adults 18-23 are so into all this BS. Like selling drugs and robbin people. Its like they seriously think this is a great career move and they will never get caught b.c they are way to smart for that lmao. The funniest part is this is coing from a high school drop out. Every major criminal I have ever know has gotten caught. Its like inevitable. Why would you do it. It amazes me how they try to convince me of how they could do it and get away with it.

JIM JONES LOOKS DIRTY. Although him doing the Ballin song at the awards with Jay Z there was pretty funny.

Is it just me or is there something off with the Faces of the girls in the group CHERISH. They all look a bit odd to me in a alien kinda way.

Anywho enough off my tragic story. If anyone still comes here please keep me lifted in prayer. In the mean time I'm gonna stay POSITIVE ~SMOOCHES~

Why Is Errbody Trying the Throwin Shade on My Shine?

2006-09-11T15:22:00.000-07:00

Hello Fellow Bloggers. SFC checking in and asking a great question. Why is ERRBODY throwin Shade on my shine. It seems like at every turn someone has something negative to say to me. It can be about me personally, how I live, or what I do. Its really getting on my nerves and I find myself poppin off on people. Then they wanna call me a BITCH, when if you would stop dippin in my kool-aid in the first place I wouldn't have had to handle you like that. Its so odd b/c I am not use to or shall I say until now I didn't believe ppl hated one me. I mean back in the day when I wasn't as sure of myself I just thought people were mean, but now I realize it was HATIN. Like now I'm doing my thing, in a new tax bracket and showing it. I am also looking SCRUMDIDDLYUPTIOUS and people don't like it. I personally don't hate on people. Friend most importantly and I feel that JEALOUS rearing its head. It was really getting to me at first and I realized something. People have been doing it for years and it will contiune,so people just don't wanna see you do good and shine. They want you down in the trenches with them struggling. Well FUCK DAT PAY ME. I am so grateful for everything that has been happenin in my life and I am truly blessed. As long as I know what's up the rest doesn't matter.

So like a week ago I called the EEOC to tell them about the issues at my office and to see if I actually have a case. They told me I did and the process of filing a formal charge. I know its the right thing to do, but all I can think of is this job is my livelihood and I don't want to lose it until I am ready. Unfortunately things at my office are only getting worse and now my top boss is trying to get me fired. He critique everything I do and is now even blaming things on me that I am not responsible for, while CC; the owner of this business on ever email. He is on a mission and I am her to make sure he fails. The way I am treated for the quality of work I do is ridiculous. When your customers are telling me how much better the company is doing since I came on board perhaps your attitude should be different toward me. I am sover the crying everyday,now I'm just pissed that I allow it and so do the owners and no one cares. Today I've decided to roll the dice and see what happens. It really sucks to be so happy in your personal life a miserable 9 hours while your at work. Then I bring it home and think about why a person would do the things he does. I can't live like this. I want to leave work where it is and not take it home with me. I don't really see any other options. Maybe this will make them take it seriously.

OMG on a lighter note. 2 of my friends were walking me home from there apt (we live in the same apartments different complex). One of the wanted to stop at another friends apt in the complex to see his new puppy. So we go and are there about 5-10 min and decided to leave, when we hear the neighbors downstairs bammin on the ceiling. We are like WTF b/c we really weren't making any noise. So we go down the stairs on one of my friend is really pissed off about it. So I felt like I was 12 again. He's like I'm going to knock on his door and run. I'm like nooooooooooooo. Its like 11:30 on a weekday. So he does it anyway. So what do I do. This 23 y/o adult lol. I run like hell. I didn't know who lived there and I was not trying to be shot. People are crazy these days and will shoot you for less. It had rained that day and I had on fil flops but I sprinted across the grass to my apartment. I met up with them on the other side and they like why you run. WTF yall not getting me shot. Anyway the dude from apartment he knocked on came out talkin shhh. I felt like a little kid I promise. I had to laugh at myself b/c I took off running.

ATL was really nice. I got to see Monica in concert and take some pics with Samore. Also saw tons of reality TV stars. But Lennox Mall is BOO BOO. Sorry all the ATL folks but they but a big hype on ATL and its not that crunk. I mean don't get me wrong the club scene is better than Houston but if Lennox is your best mall, I'll stick with H-town. Then as I was walking through there I saw a group of chick heads doing the "CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP"dance in the mall while video taping. I couldn't help myself I laughed really loud and was like are you serious. I detest that song. It makes no sense what's so ever. The weather was excellent tho and downtown is really nice. That Underground mall is kinda scary tho. I would definitely go back. ATL reminds me of Houston with a little twist of excitement.

That's all got for now. ~Smooches~ And I'm not proofreading this either.

Fw:ROAD TRIP!!!

2006-09-02T19:14:00.000-07:00

9 hours in the car and still cute lol. On my way to ATL. MY ASS HURTS. Why did i read they raised 9.5 million or billion i forget FOR Lebanon. I hope there were no American donations because the NO is
still fucked up and we need all money to go to that. Im trying to get these bastids outta here. Why did the mayor of Houston say not to give any money to the homeless. Lol. They mad. I guess blogger
kinda cool to let me clog from my cell. ~SMOOCHES~

Life

2006-08-30T07:01:00.000-07:00

Random Thoughts

1. Why is Ignorance bliss?

2.Why is it I wish to be stupid sometimes so stupid people won't annoy me?

3. How do Idiots get top positions in companies. I mean If I can tell you are an idiot someone else has to.

4. Why is it when my Old Best Friend from high school added me on my space and I saw pics of our old click (it was 3 of us) and a new chick they hang out with it kinda made me feel sad? I mean its silly b/c we haven't been close for years. Its just so odd to see a different face with those two b/c it use to be me that completed the 3 some (He He).

5. Why do people think that everyone came be persuaded by flattery? I know I'm cute that bullshit don't work on me.

6. Why do I plot revenge errday in my head?

7. Why do people not keep in touch?

8. Why is it that I am trading my happiness for money. I mean I know I gotta eat but this is ridiculous?

9. Why do people assume I believe the BS they spit at me. I can smell shit from a mile away, please find another sucker?

10. Why only now is Bush taking responsibility for Katrina?

11. Why are people offended by the truth?

12. Why do people have unprotected sex? WTF this needs no commentary.

13. Why do I feel like I have no one to really talk to although I have several close friends?

14.Why do I care about other people's feelings instead of worrying about my own?

15. What makes some people think I give a Fuck?

16. Why did this chick in Houston get car jacked and thrown out of the car on the busiest street in Houston and no one STOPPED. Why?

17. Why is it every time I have to speak to my boss I throw up a little?

18. Why are people so FAKE?

19. If every dog has his day, when will I have mine?

20. Why can't I stop asking myself questions?

~Smooches~

Katrina Memorial

2006-08-29T07:40:00.000-07:00

Since it is the 1 year mark of this National disaster I gotta talk about it since it effect my city the most with out ever hitting here. First let me ask the Lawd for forgiveness and ask him to send his blessings to all the TRULY HARDWORKING people that loss their entire lives that they worked so hard for. Also my heart goes out to ANYONE who lose someone in the tragedy. Yes, our government failed there own and it is truly sad and should have never happened.

As you all know and I'm sure saw at least one show about the aftermath and how things are shaping up in the NO. Well of course shit is still the same and Bush is still doing his thing in Iraq and saying Fuck Yall, I'm trying to get this OIL Money. on the radio today they were trying to get people to call in positive things that this distress has brought about a year later. Sadly all the people that called were mostly Houstonians b/c we gotta get up and go to work in the morning unlike other who sit on there ass all day. The consensus is Houston has truly been FUCK UP due to these people. I'm not saying all, b/c I have met and read about several who took this as a blessing to do something better or who actually trying to work and get their life back to whatever normalcy you can have after such a tragedy. It seems most of them don't want to do shit. How is it there you have been here for a year and you still have no job and living of of your FEMA shit and you it about to run out. Why is it that FEMA is so behind on paying the apartments in Houston that they cannot afford to make repairs. Word of mouth from one manger that FEMA just paid for July's rent. They also don't pay late fees. That means really nice apartments that let these people in b/c our government said "Oh we got them let the m in" are now struggling to keep tenants let alone the grounds up. So now I must suffer b/c you living for free and not trying to change it. Why is it that I am FOREVER hearing one of them same WE HATE HOUSTON WE WANT TO GO HOME. I Say KICK ROCKS HOE. If all you can do is complain and bitch about how bad you have it here go back to them broke down ass projects you came from. I just know if it was me and I can from living with nothing and they gave me a new start, I would be GRINDING and trying to get my life on track. Instead, I come home from working hard to see their ass sitting outside of the apartments steps talking shit and drinking. It angers me b/c I work hard and they don't do shit and get paid for it. I remember when this first happen people were giving them jobs over Houstonians b.c they wanted to help. I'm also pissed b/c SOME of them seem to think we are obligated to feel sorry for them and help them. Its like when you tell them they can't do or have something they wanna through KAtrina up in your face. My city took you in and did you right. We volunteered and gave up rooms our houses and now you wanna shit on us. Well fuck you too. I have no sympathy left in me for all the TRIFLING evac we have. Again I am not saying all but the a Freaking lot are taking advantage. They are getting use to using the system just like they did in the N.O. Fema has extended there 1 year rent free living until October. Every Time the deadline hit they get more time. They should really put stipulations on paying your rent. Like having a job would be a requirement for extended assistance. It is unbelievable how they are wasting money instead of actually helping people they are enabling them be to TRIFLING just like there were in the N.O. Then I heard on the news 1 out of 4 N.O students didn't pass. WTF yall teaching those kids down there. They are behind Houston and causing teachers to have to re-teach and slow lessons down to keep up. This whole thing is a mess. They need to get someone in charge of this that actually knows what they are doing b/c this shit is not workin. Just wait until all the FEMA aid stops and all they people get evicted. Then what. Where will they go and what will they do to survive. I mean since they came from the #1 murder capital what you think they gone do. Pray that's all I can do. ~Smooches~

What is the WORLD coming To?

2006-08-25T09:47:00.000-07:00

SOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Lets skip all the Where u been? Whats been going on BS? Life is the answer. I've been keeping a list of shit I wanted to come and blog about so here we go

1. How da fuck u gonna eliminate Pluto. I mean seriously who are we (one planetin the system that has life, that we know of ) gonna say Pluto aint making the cut no more. further more do you know ow many kids failed science exams b/c the forgot about all that info we were forced to learn in school. now allt hat info is useless. I just a cannot believe they gonna kick a planet out of the solar system. I bet bush had something to do with it. He always trying to bully somebody.

2. The New episode of Survivor has split the teams up by races this time. so all the whites together and the black ova dere and the Mexicans ova there. WTF now they knew this was going to cause some shit. You know what they doing don't you. Trying to prove once and for all the White race can truly survive without minority assistance. I am so interested to see which team excels in the challenges. I have also read some ignorant ass comments about the Black ppl team is going to lose b/c black people cant swim. Do people actually believe this BULLSHIT. FOOL WE CAN SWIM, it is very possible for all regular humans to learn how to swim. What on God's green earth would make people think it is genetically impossible. That is the stupidest shit I ever heard in my life. You know it was the white man that started that shit. They didn't want they money (Slaves) to make a swim for it back to the mother land. Bastids!

3. While on the way to work, I heard on the radio that Dallas, TX is thinking of banning saggy pants and having a fine if you actually walk around like that. My thoughts. HELL FUCK YES. That shit looks so tacky. I do not want to see your draws. You also cannot walk, and God forbid you try to run, you as good as got. It looks so tacky to me. I see dudes with belts holding there pants below their ass. Really what's the point of the belt. Buy pants that fit and get a freakin life. Some idiot called in and said well if we gotta pull out pants up then they should also ban cleavage. SMH I'm not even gonna respond to that shit.

4. I recently read the morning after pill is going to be available over the counter for women over 18. WHY? I believe in abortion under certain circumstances like (retardation in the fetus, rape, incest, serious risk to the mothers health). If you are just some hood rat hoe who can't keep her legs closed this medications should not be available to you. Allowing this drug the be so easily accessed will only cause a rise in STDs. I mean think of the statistics now on STD in this country. The only reason its probably not higher is b/c people are afraid of getting pregnant. Now the solution to there problems is here. Not to mention the age requirement means nothing. Now teenagers can go have sex and get an older friend to buy it and their parents will be none the wiser. Are we actually helping my making this drug so ready available to the public without doctors supervision. I hope they put a limit on the number you can buy or something b/c there is no doubt in my mind this drug will be abused.

5. Heard another topic on the radio about Hip Hop and how people think it a bad influence on kids and such. One of the djs brought up a great point. There has always been music that parents disapproved of in every era of time. Why is it that hip hop saga has gone on for so long. I mean people eventually accepted Rock music and left it alone and now it is mostly accepted. But hip hop is still getting a bad wrap. The dj said he believes its b/c it Black people that are benefiting and making the most money from it and as the song goes THEM HOES DON"T LIKE THAT. A women called in and said a lot of people that wrap are African Americans who have been in jail at some point or felonies (which may or may not be true), but she is saying that rapping or singing is something they can do that does not require a background check. B/C hip hop embraces you if you truly have talent(shit even if you don't u could get one song out of it) no matter what is in your past people don't like that. I thought it was an interesting way to think about the whole hip hop is so bad Drama.

6. This pregnant Bitch in my office who I have spoken about before is digging herself into a lawsuit. I think I've written before about her using derogatory words like TACO - for Mexicans andusing the word NIGGA in general when speaking. Now she is rather ghetto and all but the bitch aint black. She is Mexican. If you coose to talk down on your own race thats your business, but dont bring mine into it. I mean I use NiGGA but I never use it at the work place and I sure as hell wouldn't expect someone I don't know or I work with to talk to me and use this word. Well one of my bosses over heard her telling me a story and she kept saying Nigga (she says it alot like she the most ghettoest person ever in life). My boss told her that wasn't appropriate and that I may feel uncomfortable with her saying that. I said I know thats the way she talks but I do find it offensive and unprofessional and if the wrong person heard her our office could be sued. I did tell her this before about using Taco, I guess she assumed Nigga was ok, but its not. So she apologizes to me and said she didn't know it offended me. Later that day she was back at it again. I know she says it at home all the time, but she should be able to keep that shit to herself when she isn't. I really think I should report it to the EEOC but I am the only black person in a 5 person office so they will know it was from me. I'm not trying to start shit,but I shouldn't have to hear this where I work from someone I don't even know like that. I guess I'm up in the air on it and need a second opinion. My sister says get a lawyer lol. She always down for controversy lol.

Well in general life is going great. Gotta new place and it feels nice, yet a bit lonely to live alone again. I'm enjoying it now but its only a matter of time before I hate it lol. I'm going to ATL for labor day weekend. So, if anyone out there wants to show me around HOLLA AT ME. I'm so excited. I need a break real bad. That's All I got. Smooches

Everyday I'm Hustlin

2006-08-03T13:31:00.000-07:00

Guess whos Bizack!!! I'm not really in a writing mood right now. I just thought I should make it know I'm still alive and doing aight. Life gets you caught up sometimes as you all know andI guess it has me caught up. Ya girl is HUSTLING. I have so much shit I need to do in the next 2 months but I'm trying to make it happen. Life is good,though. I really can't complain although that seems like that is all I do. I want life to be easy and I can't get my mind to realize that will never happen. The easy way out is not an option anymore I have to do this and I guess thats a little scarey. Now I know what they meant by you are going to wish for your childhood days again b/c now I wish I could go back to that easy life. Yall keep me in ya prayers for strength. I love the pic above. I was feeling quite nice in it lol. The upside is I've been having a good time with old friends and its nice. I'll write more later... if life doesn't side track me yet again.

MIA

2006-07-17T07:06:00.000-07:00

I guess I forgot blogger still existed. Its been awhile. Every time I think about how I should write I don't really want to. I've been working on a book. Well working on how to write the book first, then I'll start. I never knew how any Ideas I have floating in this head. I'm so nervous today, b/c I FINALLY get my big raise. We settled on an amount, but that amount is looking kind of wack right now. So I sent the owner of the letter asking for a few more $$$. He is suppose to be in town today to discuss it. Conveniently on Friday I had a break down in the office. When I get pissed off, I cry. Not a few tears, a lot and almost to the point of hyperventilating, if its really crucial. As everyone knows I hate my boss. This is really said b/c I don't even hate all those fuckers that use to make fun of me or made my High School Years Horrible. I hate this man though. Its such a strong word but if you met him you would know why. Anyway, I had this breakdown b/c this fucka has a habit of making his fuck ups look like his staffs. Its like whenever someone has something bad to say about this company he tells them that his assistant is new and I'm just the receptionist. Well at least that’s what he told this dude. He doesn't seem to comprehend tat if his staff looks stupid, NEWSFLASH the whole company looks stupid, all at the expense of his ego and what every intelligents he thinks he has. So pretty much I need to be compensated and I'm tired of the owners not knowing about how he runs his office. The shit is not organized and the customers run this company. We have not authority over our assigned duties hb/c if they don't like our answer, they go to him and he send out email with these customers CC on it tell us to do whatever they say pretty much. Being the intelligent, black women I am, I cannot stand for someone insinuating otherwise, and of all people his dumb ass. Oh no. So now I'm on that pay me of FUCK you tip. I either get what I ask for or I start looking else where. I know that I cannot continue to work for an idiot or under the circumstances. And its only going to get worse b/c at today's meeting I'm going to make sure its known why I need a increase and it solely based on his stupidity. It really sucks b/c the owners are really nice and have a very profitable compant that could be so much better with the right people.
On another note, I had a GREATTTTTTTTTTTTTTT time this weekend. I went out with a few friends. I think I've talked about them before, but most of my closest friends are gay. We've been friends since High school. I've been around the gay world for a while, but it never ceases to surprise me. Going to a gay club is lie entering a whole new world. Not b/c there you see people of the same sex dancing and kissing and such, but b/c the vibe is different. Yes things still sometimes still pop off in a gay club but usually people are there to have a good time. I mean if you are the most prosecuted ppl in the world the last thing you want to do is come to a club meant for you to be accepted and start a lot of shit. The vibe is mellow and gay (happy lol). Anyway I went with some new people, so it was a new experience. My new friend BEBE who is a dude I met through one of my friends boyfriend, seems to be one of the well known in the Houston gay community, so walking through a club with im is like walking down the gay red carpet at the Gay Grammy's. Its so funny b/c he is such a performer, which you also see a lot a gay club, but he had me cracking up all night. He doesn't walk through the club he does what I call a glide/dance. Its like he's walking through his video and he has to dance and seem like he's mingling lol. It was an experience. Here it seem the Gay night out last wayyyyyyy longer that the str8 ones. I didn't get home until 6, everyone that knows me knows once it gets too hot, I am ready to go ASAP.

In other news, I was discussing this whole gay thing with some people. I think that if you are attracted to men and women them you are bi. Even prefer the same sex, there is still an attraction to the other as well. Well, another person there saw
it differently. He thinks that people who are bi are that way b/c they are not ready to come out and be gay yet. Meaning it is a happy medium for them. They don't have to deal with all the shit that comes along with being fully gay and if ever questioned they can always bring up the opposite sex they also like. This is a great point. I never thought of it this way and subconsciously this could be true.
Last, but not least. I, ME, The SFC, met someone in the club. Now my policy is, you will neva eva eva meet someone in the club that is going to be more than a booty call. Now whats really fucked up is that I've never really tried to have anything with someone I met in the club. I don't even approach people. I'm on the whole tip that if you like what you see you will come over. Well, while in the club this weekend something caught my eye. From the first look I was like damn. I purposely stood by this person just to see if they would approach. No haps, but they did offer there seat to me in a nice cool spot. The club I was at was like visiting hell in most parts so if you could find a cool spot with a chair you have found a quality spot. I declined the offer and ended up walking off following friends. The rest of the night I would pass by and sneak glances, or I would catch this person doing the same. I am super shy so, I was not about to make a move (I know how old am I like 15, but that just me). So the club is closing and we are walking out and I obviously rolled my eyes at this person. I didn't know I did it, I guess I was annoyed that they hadn't tried to get my number. So the person ask me why you rolling your eyes at me. Oh course I immediately go into flirt mode and tell them I dunno what they are talking about. Then for the first time in history (at least that I can remember) I say you should call me sometime. Then the regular, oh well let me get your number thing happens. Its so funny b/c after the club closed, everyone is in the parking lot for like an hour or more, so I end up seeing them out there. The person tells me that they were watching me all night, but they are shy as well. So, if I wouldn't have taken this chance all that sexiness would have been lost to another. Thank the LAWD. B/C SFC is about to get her groove back LMAO. That’s all got. I'm going to add a few pics. ~Smooches~

IDIOTS OF THE WEEK

2006-06-26T13:22:00.000-07:00

I've been wanting to start and idiot of the week blog. I encounter so many Idiots on a daily basis, be it driving, watching the news, or/and WORK. I'm going to test out the response here and see what happens. On with the point

THE IDIOTS OF THE WEEK ARE

THESE BITCHES I WORK WITH

Lets call this person Amy. Oh and I pray am reads this just to let her know she is not fooling nobody, but herself. So, this new chick joins our company after they make this place so undesirable the other lady quits. I mean that was the new boss's(lets call her OGM for Old Googley Moogley) plan all along. She wanted to get this poor (although quite stupid, but so is she) Lady outta her so she could hire her friend. Before this lady quit she hips me to the game my new overtly friendly boss was up to. OGM likes to smile in your face and talk shit behind your back to the VP. The sad part is all she does is talk shit about the VP. I bet she doesn't mention that when she is in there kissing his ass. Anyway, the OGM slipped up by talking shit about the chick that quit to a lady that works at company we use. Unknown to her (and still is) the lady she was talking shit to was, the lady that quit, really good friend. So the whole time she was talking shit to her,the women went back at told the other lady. Just a little side info of how stupid and sneaky these ppl are. The funniest part is I knew this shit was happening all along and I could have very well told OGM or the other annoy bitch that quit, but I had a feeling they both were fraud and It was entertaining (yes I know I am EVIL MAHAHAHAHA). So back to Amy the Idiot. Amy comes to work for us. Things get better and she is doing an ok job besides asking me a million fucking questions all day. This I don't mind much b/c everyone has to learn new shit at some point and I was in her position a few months ago, learning our system. The problem is she is just too clueless about normal shit ppl should know. As a matter of fact most of her questions where computer questions in general. Like she was sending emails to our customers in all CAPS. I told her in computer speak that is yelling and it looks lazy and unprofessional. She replies with " Oh, I didn't know that." Great, now you know and you should stop. Tell me why this heffa is stills ending emails the same way. Some Idiots never learn. She also has this habit of calling me when she doesn't know how to spell a word like "Office," I kid you not. She asked me how to spell that. Now every time I advise her all the computers in the office have spell check and the internet. I'm assuming she doesn't understand what that means b/c the bitch keeps calling me. So like 2-3 weeks after she is with us, I come into the office and she starts telling me how she needs to train me for when she is gone. I'm like "Where are you going?" She proceeds to tell me this long ass story about how she JUST found out she was 6 month pregnant. Now I know its possible for you not to know you are pregnant, so at first I believed her. Let me stop lying I knew the bitch was lying from the beginning. They knew (her and OGM) if she didn't get in right then they were going to find someone else to hire. SO, they let her FAT ASS come here knowing she was pregnant all along. Then this heffa has the nerve to say "I don't look pregnant do I?" I say NO, but I'm thinking hell fuck yeah you do, I just thought you were extra fat and did not want to be rude. So, now all of a sudden after this bitch has been looking fat this whole time, no she looks pregnant, which leads me to believe she was trying to hide the shit. Then she comes back the next week w/ this whole "The doctor says I can't lift anything heavy." This I am also aware of and I understand why, but BITCH I AM NOT YOUR NEW BELL BOY/SLAVE. Ever since they told her this shit, I am the designated pick shit up BITCH. The other day this bitch ask me to carry 8 folders that were not full from my desk to her's. Let me say she is skating on thin ice and will soon get her ass cussed out. So, then a few days later she says "Yall (yeah we in TX), I went to the doctor yesterday and guess how much I weigh. 210 pounds (by the way she is like 5*6). Do you know how much I weigh when I'm not pregnant? 156 pounds." Then I think to myself, BITCH how is it you didn't know you were pregnant or at least concerned by a 50 pound weight gain in 6 month. The bitch is Lying and no one can convince me otherwise. As a matter of fact ERRBODY up there is a fucking Idiot for believing this lame ass story.

Now, to the next idiot my new boss lets call her Old Googly Moogly( OGM ) b/c that's what that heffa looks like. She is like 40 and looks 60. This heffa goes on and on about how all the men she has ever been with were drop dead Sexy. Later she tells the story of her last Sexy man who house sat for her and when she came back all her jewelry and anything else that could be transported easily was gone. So pretty much her fine men use her for her money,then kick her to the curb. This is the same boss that likes to talk shit. Both of these bitches are messy and I am so sure they talk shit about me. Unknown to my stupid new boss, I know how trifflin she is. She tries to get me to tell her shit about my life. BITCH, do you think I am an idiot. I do not need you in my Kool-aid like that. The other day , I taught her how to select more than one file to copy and paste. How they Fuck do you not know how to do this. You Freaking IDIOT.

Then Last and Certainly not least is my Big Boss/ VP (I've written about him before). How the hell he has landed this job is a miracle in itself. Don't get me wrong I've said b4 these ppl know a lot about the business, but everyone knows shit b/c obsolete and that what's going to happen to them. All they know is how the business works, they don't know shit else. For instance, right now all 3 of them (OGM, AMY and VP) are in his office trying to help him write a letter to all our customers who haven't been using us lately. This is how the letter starts "Sometimes in life we lose friends and sometimes in life we lose business friends." LMAO that shit sounds retarded and its probably why they don't use our company anymore. Every time this dude sends out an email he has spelling errors. The worst part is his Outlook is set up to spell check before he sends an email. This mean the shit is so misspelled Spell check doesn't even know what they hell he is talking about. The fact that they allow him to write letters to customers amazes me. I remember when I first started he had me retype a annoucement of our new manager coming on board. He told me not to change anything, but after reading it I couldn't do it. I changed like half of it and gave it back. He had to know I fixed the shit, but he didn't say anything. He is also like the most computer illiterate man I know. Today he showed me how you can listen to music free on Yahoo Messenger. The sad part is its not like a fucking secret, everyone has the Yahoo radio shit at the bottom. He thought he found some shit like the fountain of youth or something. I could go on for days, instead I will just stamp IDIOT on his forehead and move on.

Enough ranting about these idiots. I'm sure I'll find more idiots next week and will report their Idiot antics for your amusement and pleasure. ~Smooches~

HOODRATS MUST BE DESTROYED

2006-06-12T11:12:00.000-07:00

This blog entree is dedicated to all the HOODRATS. Please get yall Shit Together

So I was hangin with a friend who I don't hang with that much anymore last weekend. He introduced me to this chick lets call her CiCi, she is the epitome of Ghetto Trash( HoodRat). Let's start with the fact the bitch has been collecting what she tells them is disability. I, on the other hand, think its Welfare. Let me just say she don't look disabled to me. So, she doesn't work and she has 2 BEAUTIFUL kids ( 7 months and the other is like 4 or 5). I walk into her house and I am taken a back. I instantly conclude it is not safe to touch anything and antibacterial sanitation will be need upon leaving. This bitch's house is FUCKING FILTHY. I mean I know people with kids have a hard time keeping their shit clean but this bitch must have for got she does not have a maid and it is her job to clean the shit up. The floor looked like it has not been swept in months. There is a faint odor of something not being right. As I walk pass the kitchen I figure out it must be the dirty dish water someone has left in the sink. Or it could be the several dirty dishes I see scattered across the house with food caked on that looks like it has been there for months. My friend tells me that another dude asked her why her house was so dirty and her excuse was and I fucking quote "Oh I just made groceries." WTF does that have to do with you cleaning this filthy ass house.

Our purpose for going there was to pick up an X for my friend. Well, come to out she is getting rid of her kids and cannot wait to get on it herself. So, we sit there for awhile and then her friend BOOKIE comes. I kid you not there is a GROWN ASS MAN name Bookie walking around a hood in Houston. He is originally from, come on I know you all can guess. HE is from the MUTHERFUCKING N.O. better know as New Orleans. *SIGH* Well, Bookie must think he is the MAN although he is one ugly, tired, broke looking mofo. Bookie only thinks this b/c CiCi is fucking him. That's all great and shit, but Bookie lives with his baby mama. CiCi is very aware and does not give a shit. Apparently neither does the BM b/c she is aware as well. As a matter of fact the dumb heffa has seen Bookie go into CiCi's house then come and knock on the door only to have CiCi say he is not there and she that doesn't know what the chick is talking about. I assume the girl believes her and walks away. Either way she know what's up and she doesn't care. So we leave her and end up going out and standing her up b/c she was suppose to go, but she was taking to long to get rid of her kids. My friends don't have children so we really can't relate so she got left. Anyway one of my friends was feeling bad b/c she was on X and called us crying and shit so after we left the club, we went back to her house. We walk in and she is in her bedroom. We go in there and her and Bookie are in bed naked. Now if I'm chilling with a dude naked I'm going to let it be known before 3 people come into my bedroom. So, we walk in and she acts like its gravy. Telling us to sit down and shit ( on the dirty ass floor).
So we chillin there for a minute and I have to pee. Yes, I am afraid of what I will find in her bathroom, do to the look of the rest of the house. I have no intention of putting my ass on the seat anyway. So, I ask her could I use her bathroom. Her response is
" Oh the toilet is stopped up. Just go pee in the shower I just did it." My mind has a hard time of wrapping itself around what she just said so I do the odviously.

I ask " What did you say?" She replies "Girl, just pee in the shower." I must have looked at her like she lost her mind. I think to myself I cannot piss in someone shower. It is completely different to piss while taking a shower and just pissing in it. Then my mind goes to the part here she says she just did it. I do not recall hearing an water to wash out her shower when she was done or to wash her hand for that matter. The more I think about it the more grossed out I get. I turn to my friend beside me and say "I need to go outside and find a bush." CiCi asked me "Why do you need to find a bush." I reply "So, I can pee." She says it again "Girl just go pee in the shower." I look as her as if she has lost her mind again. I mean this is where her children bathe and so does she I hope. I can't imagine allowing a complete stranger, fuck that, I can't imagine allowing myself to do that shit. So, I sit there and ponder this girl's mental stablity, while I try to hold my pee. SO Finally I say can I pee in the toilet and not flush. She was like "Yeah, since you don't want to pee in the shower." So, I go into her bathroom and shut the door. I stop, try to keep the throw up down. As I look around I see a brown sink with diffrent products around it. On he floor is the clothes she had on earlier with her dirt draws attached. Then I look at the shower, it then dawns on me why she doesn't mind me or herself pissing in there. The bathtub is BLACK. I kid you not when I say this. Not a ring round the tub either the entire bottom and about halfway up the sides is BLACK. I look down at the toilet and it is black as well and it is not from it being stopped it, This is caked on dirt and grime. I turn around open the door and walk back out. Shortly after I leave. Oh, but it does not end there. MY other friend stayed. He says after we left another dude CiCi is fucking name P short for Percy ( I only use this name b/c is sound gay lol) comes by with a gun in a strap around his chest. Bookie is walking out as P is walking end. Luckily no one was injured. The next day, for some reason one of my friends were over there again and i go over. This time I meet a new person when I go over there. Her name happens to be CiCi as well, so we will call her CeCe 2. So CeCe 2 to is on X too. Come to find out her and CiCi have been what we call rollin , which means on X all night and all that day. It is about 5 or 6 pm the day after. Her children have now been brought back to her. SO she and her friend are taking care (if that's what you want to call it) of 2 children high. I then begin to think what do these children eat out of if all the dishes are dirty. I was at the chicks house a couple of hours each time and I only saw her feed the baby once and I didn't see her clean out a bottle. I come to the conclusion she has been using the same dirt bottle. I only conclude this b/c when we get there that day she is feeding her again out of the same bottle from yesterday. TRIFFLING.
Anyway CeCe 2 starts talking to my friend who is a Gay man about how she think P is gay. I am tripping b/c I know P and CiCi fuck as well. The plot thickens. CiCi and CeCe 2 are both fucking P and they are friends. They not only fuck him separately, but together. P has supplied them with there X and he gets his money's worth odviously. So she tells us how P like to use toys in bed, but not on them. He has them use the toys on him. She also tells us of P and her going to gay bars and him disappearing with men into the bathroom and hitting on other men. SO pretty much this heffa knows he plays both ideas of the field, and is fucking her friend and doesn't give a shit. There whole arrangement is like a cocktail for a STD. About an hour later Bookie shows up. You would think this dude would stay clear after the whole gun incident, but I guess when Pussy calls you gotta go. So he comes over and is chilling in the living area with my friend and I while CiCi and CeCe 2 are in the bedroom (which is just as filthy as the rest of the house if I didn't mention that). He is limping and being the nosy Mofo I am I ask him why he is limping. He replies by unbuckling his belt and unzipping his pants. He pulls down his dingy underwear to reveal a bandage over his pubic area. He begins to explain he went to the hospital last night for a ingrown hair on this area and it really hurts. LMAO ingrown hair my ass, maybe Herpes or syphilis(?). Then a few minutes after telling me this he ask for my #. Now he may not know, that I know he has a baby mama at home, but he damn well knows I know he's fucking CiCi. My mom always says the company you keep will determine how ppl see you. I guess being even remotely associated with this BIRD had him slipping to think he was going to get my #. So, I decline twice and he gives up. He brought another N.O. friend along with him. SO, I started asking them what they do. They both reply not a DAMN THING. I begin to tell them of a place I know thst is hiring and they pay $21 a hour. Bookie stops me and asks me what the hell am I telling him that for. He has no intention of looking for a job, oh and why should he. I'm sure his baby mama either works or is getting FEMA or both and their rent and untilties are paid up for like a year. The truth is why would he work and I'm sure he didn't work before he came here either, so why start now. I guess me suggesting his broke down ass get a job was offensive, so he spit back the question do you have job. I reply YES YOU BROKE MOFO MOST PPL IN AMERICA DO AND IF THEY DON"T THEY ARE LOOKING. I meet my first male HOODRAT. Shortly after I leave.
The next day the same friends I was chilling with that weekend come and take me to lunch that Monday. They tell me they went back to CiCi's house that Sunday before. Now although they are Gay they are both interested in the female anatomy. Why on God's green earth they would think these chicks were the ones to play show and tell with I don't know. Anyway they went over there and CeCe 2 was under the dirty cover (the bed had no linen on it and a dirty blanket her and her men and her kids sleep on) with only a t-shirt on. Again they let them come in the bedroom. One of my friends was like let me see what you working with. He goes underneath the cover and pulls it back. He says he smells and odor, but is unsure of what it is and who or what is it coming from. As he begins to spread her legs open he sees what he describes as Cottage Cheese (hence my names for the both of them CiCI LMAO) between the lips. She quickly gets u and says she needs to take a shower. BITCH A. She knew she needed a shower before they walked in the door let alone opening up her nasty legs. B.She knew either her ass has just got done having sex or has a yeast infection and yet and still you allowed this dude to open your nasty legs and see that. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW GHETTO BIRD. Then my friend had the nerve to tell me CeCe 2 thought I was cute. I'm like WTF am I going to do with that info. I wouldn't allow that bitch to pour me a glass of water with gloves on let alone tough me. After seeing these women, if that's even the right thing to call them, I am so never get in the situation they find themselves so content in. Don't get me wrong they seemed, although not very intelligent, but cool people. I unfortunately am unable to grasp the point of their lives. They only thing CiCi has that is worth shit is her children and she can't even get that right. I fear for them and what she lets in her house. Her baby girl is so beautiful and some men see CiCi as an opportunity to not only get some of her ass but MAYBE take advantage of her children as well. I hope she wakes up and sees the light,but I doubt it. She seems comfortable in her filth right now. This story was kinda hard to tell, even though parts were funny, seeing her children made is different. If it was just her fucking up her life that would be fine with me. Her children don't have a choice. Her son is old enough to know whets going on and that will effect him. I'm praying for all you GHETTO BIRDS. GROW THE FUCK UP. I'm Out. ~Smooches~

P.S. Blogger u sux for not letting me post pics

The boobs Trouble or maybe not

2006-05-31T16:45:00.000-07:00

What It Do blog land? People in Houston say What it do. I Freakin hate this question if you can call it that. It means like how's it going, but you sound really dumb saying it. Anywho, Life is grand, well mostly. This week I have yet another story to tell about yet another trifflin Houston man. I had to make sure it was safe before I posted lol.

So Last Saturday, I volunteer to go to Sonic (Burger Place) to get my fam dessert. Its like a drive up place and it has a little drive through boxes at each parking spot to order from. So I am sitting in my car when one of the waiters pass by. He is staring at like he lost his mind. So I stare back of course. He passes by my car and flirts. The guy seemed really nice and he looked aight and he has a job. In Houston, that is hard to find. So he comes back and brings me my food. He makes more convo and casually ask for my #. I usually ask for there # and choose to call or not. He keeps asking me when I'm going to call and if i actually will. My response was maybe. So I give him my phone so he can input my number. I turn to arrange my food in the car safetly as he is doing this. I don't know if dudes do this errwhere, but in Houston dudes sometimes try to pull what I like to call a STUNT. When ask them to give there # instead of you giving yours, they input the number and them call themselves in order to get your #. I HATE THIS SHIT. I usually don't even let ppl input the # themselves anymore. I usually do it for them. WEll, this dude caught me slippin. I mean why would you do this shit. It makes you look desperate and it annoys the shit out of me. Also even if you do call A. doesn't mean I will answer and B. if I do it will probably never get answered again b/c I know I did not give you my #. Anyway all this goes down unknown to me at the time. I leave Sonic and I get home and about 20 minutes later I get a phone call from an unknown #. I answer and he's like

"Whats up, you was not going to call me were you?" I'm thinking this is some
dude I gave my # to a while back maybe. SO I'm like
"Maybe I've been busy." Odviously I wasn't too convincing b/c he
says
"You don't even know who this is, do you? This is Craig." So Now
I'm like WTF how the hell did he get my #. Then it hits me HE has pulled a
STUNT. So yes now I am annoyed, but I'm not cold hearted so I contiune our
convo, while contemplating if I'm ever going to speak to him or better yet block
his shit.
So I start asking the regular get to know you questions. First
question I ask
"Do you live alone?"There is a long silenece and he begins to give his
answer
"Well, right now I'm living at this half way house for 8 months them I'm
going to get my own place." WTH a half way house is a place that people stay
when getting out of jail on a major charge or rehad. SO my next question is
of course
"WHY?" The answer was not what I expected to hear
"Well when I was like 1 y/o my mom go murdered by this dude. He
claimed he was crazy and he got off. When I got old enough, I murdered
him."

I'm speechless. I mean I am so sure I've dated ppl that did dirt, maybe even killed ppl, but the difference is I did not know anything about that shit. Even worse he is fresh out of jail, I'm not fucking with it. This was a little too much info too soon for me. I am instantly uncomfortable and tell him I need to go. This dude proceeds to call me no less hten 8-11 more times that day. I didn't answer. I then become heavly concerned for my life. Yes I am meladramatic. So, I tell my sister and she laughs for a good minute and then tells me to tell him I'm not interested. I am afraid to do it. So the next day rolls around and dude is still calling me a lot. So then he text messages me and says. I probabaly don't want to talk to him b/c He works at SONIC. I'm think DUDE that don't mean shit to me. So I text him back and tell him it is his past that bothers me and I don't think I can fuck with him on any level. The calls stopped and I haven't talk to him since. Moral: Never let anyone input a # into ya phone b/c it could very well be a murder ur talking too. SMH thats a damn shame when you gotta learn lessons like that. Also the biggest down side is I LOVE THAT FREAKIN SONIC and not I can't eat at that location any more. DAMMMMMITT!!!

Oh and the shit stil does not stop. I met another dude. NOt like that he was a cop and he was pulling me over at the time. I was parked at a gas station. NOw that the INVADERS have came my street is Hot (The block is hot he he) anyway dude pulls me over. He comes up to my window and ask

"Do you know why I am stopping you?" Of course I reply NO and give a confused look. In actuallity I am fully aware of this said warrent, but you know how u get caught up with other shit and thats what had happen. So he tells me
"Come back to my car and look at my computer screen ." I walk back and he sits down in his car and I lean over to look at the computer. Mind you (hence the pic) I have ample boobage and when I usually were low cut shirts, so when I bent over to look he had a great view. So after I look at it and confirm it is me he says (while looking at my boobs not my face)
"You know if this warrent comes back valid, I will have to take you to jail."I tell him I understand and he allows me to go back to my car and arrange for someone to go come get it my car ( which was nice b/c they usually dont let u do that). Well, I am shaking in my freakin boots. I have never been to jail and I don't ever want to go. All the jail movies are playing through my head. He walks back to the car and smiles and says
"Today is your lucky day, the warrent was came back invalid, you should call and get it removed from ur record."

I drive off knowing this man is liked the view or the county has fucked up. I call the next day and sure enough I am now sure My boobs will take over the world. I still have a freakin warrent.

Thats all I got for now ppl. HOLLA ~Smooches~

P.S. My work computer suxs so I will post pics later HOLLA

When You Tell a Lie...

2006-05-20T13:25:00.000-07:00

Hey Peoples, Hope Errbody is Great. Today someone I am feeling on a more than friends level LIED. It wasn't a big lie, it was kinda like a half lie. When I first started talking to this person they told me they had a car, but couldn't drive it b/c the tires where really bad. Although far fetched or maybe true, I had no reason not to believe them so I took it as fact. This person also told me they where saving up for the special tires that the car needed b/c of the rims. *SIGH* Today this person told me they went really early this morning to wash THE CAR. They went on and on about the hassle it was. At the end I am thinking WTF, although this person did say they drove THEIR car around town sometimes. I am thinking why the hell wash a car you rarely drive. Most of the time, when I talk to this person they are driving one of their parents car's. So I ask the question ,that I already have a feeling what the answer will be. I ask

"Who's car are you getting washed?"
The person replies. "My mom's car. I don't have a car, but if I were to go somewhere it would be in this car. I pay for everything for it except the car note and she is deciding if she is going to give it to me or get me a
new one."

This person then goes on with another subject like nothing happen. I eventually get off the phone and ponder why they would lie. I mean the person is a full time college student so I don't expect them to have all the things a working adult would. It really sucks b/c I don't like this person b/c of what they have, but for the conversations we have and the way we vibe. I also like this person b/c they are furthering their education and are following their dreams. I have an issue with lying. I usual don't. I know the consequences of it and if I'm feeling someone, I come clean or just don't do it from the beginning. This makes me see this person differently. I don't see them as honest. I mean this is not a big deal, but it makes me wonder why you would lie over something so petty. Something that doesn't really matter and you could have told the truth about. It makes me wonder what else will they lie about. What else HAVE they lied about. We are not together, but I don't know if I want to be with someone that is a liar. What I really need to now is, If I am blowing the out of proportion? AM I TRIPPIN.? It just seems like an unnecessary lie to me. Once I find out about one lie my mind starts running through all the other bullshit I thought was a lie, but believed b/c I didn't have a reason not to.

On another note. After watching an episode of College Hill (there was limited entertainment on TV that day) I am scared as hell to have sex. I mean I knew AIDS statistics where staggering, but not this damn bad.

AFRICAN AMERICANA MAKE UP 12% OF THE POPULATION, BUT HALF OF US HAVE HIV.
Of the estimated 145 infants perinatally infected with HIV, 105 (73%) were African American
Of the estimated 18,849 people under the age of 25 whose diagnosis of HIV/AIDS in the 33 states with HIV reporting, 11,554 (61%) were African American.
Since the beginning of the epidemic, African Americans have accounted for 379,278 (40%) of the estimated 944,306 AIDS cases diagnosed

WAKE UP!!!!!!

That is a damn shame. That means 6% of us have HIV. That is horrifying for a single black women in America today. I mean I have to go out a choose a mate and hope that I don't fall in love with someone that is positive. (Sidebar OFFICIALLY no sex without me seeing your test result and of course a condom is always required. NO TEST NO SEX HOMIE) I mean I know there are tons of drugs to help you live with it now, but why would you want to. Think of all the everyday complications you may have to go through just b/c you have it. I know someone who found out they were HIV positive. It then hit home for me. I knew it happen to tons of people, but never someone I knew. It made it more really for me I guess. The truth is we are killing ourselves. How hard is it to use a condom and most importantly GET TESTED. Only we can slow this down and at least try to stop the spread.

I didn't intend to write about the two together, but it makes sense. People that know and don't know lie about things like this. It hurts people everyday. I am sure if someone knew they where having intercourse with someone who had it they MAY have second thought. IT is a choice and everyone should be given the choice to choose if they want to go down that road. That little lie I talked about about could lead to huge lies like this. Don't get me wrong this is not the major reason I think that about lying, but it is definitely a good FUCKIN point. Enjoy your weekend peeps. *Holla* ~Smooches~

Cinco De Mayo Tribute and Other Misc. Shit I Wanna Say

2006-05-04T13:35:00.001-07:00

Fuck Mexico

Hola fellow bloggers! This is my Cinco De Mayo tribute. Recently in Houston the ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS have decided to protest for legal citizenship. LMAO Let me repeat that ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS want legal citizenship. They have protested and blocked our freakin streets. I believe last Friday they all went on strike at their jobs for the day. All the Mexican restaurants were closed so it was a no taco day (Except Taco Bell he he). Anyway this whole thing boggles my mind. Do I think they should get FREE health care and other benefits that people that were born here can't even get. HELL NO. I think, If they don't like it here they should take there ass back home. WE already have an influx in population in Houston. As a matter of fact you damn near can't get a Job in Houston unless your Bi-Lingual. So, Hell naw I don't want them bastids here. Do you know why everyone must be BI-Lingual. B/C Bitches insist on calling places with that "Speaky Spanish" bullshit. Hell naw, I don't speak Spanish b/c I'm AMERICA and we speak English. If your are going to immigrate to a country at least attempt to learn the language. It's people that have been here for years that still don't know English. It is clear they are not trying to be productive and by making it a requirement for people to be Bi-Lingual in Spanish to get a job, is enabling them to stay that way. It didn't occur to me that in other states this is prolly not an issue. I mean, Texas being a border state we get the majority of them. Everyone of course doesn't agree with my opinion in fact one person told me I should relate b/c I am African American. BITCHHHHHHHHHH. First, My ancestors did not ask to come here, they were forced. Second, My ancestor built this freaking country. Without their hard work America would not exist. Then they have the nerve to get all hype for Cinco De Mayo. Its Fucking Mexico's INDEPENDENCE. They fought us b/c they were not down and wanted to be separate. SO, I say kick fucking rocks. You wanted to be INDEPENDENT so do ya thang. Don't be wadin through the water trying to get the benefits of America now that your shit has went sour. It's bad enough, we got the amount we do. Our city has been changed enough by the culture of Mexico. The problem is they Day Labors are getting sick of the little money they making now they wanna be like errbody else. That would not be a problem, if you were suppose to be here. You snuck here in some van or a boat, whateva. The other day a hood by my house had a shoot out b/t Coyotes (People who transport illegal aliens) over illegal immigrants they were hiding in an old boarded up house. America needs to be like New Zealand. You can visit all you want, but you can't come live there unless they need you. WE don't need all these no English speaking mofos fucking up job opportunities for Americans and spending our tax dollar on a issue that should be Mexico's. Yeah Yeah, I know America was built by immigrants from all over, so freakin what. We are built now. We don't need any more of yall up in here dang. Do you see gas prices, we don't have any money to share with any of yall mofo so MOVE AROUND THANKS. The really fucked up part is, everyone I work with is Mexican and I'm writing this at work LMAO. FUCK 'EM

Speaking of work. I am about to pull my hair out. These bitches are gettin more simple by the day. The slow heffa I talked about last post is still annoying me. I cannot wait until this bitch quits. She is forever complaining to me about her job. QUIT HOE. I don't care. I am almost to the point were I say STOP TALKING TO ME, I DON'T GIVE A SHIT. It would be ok maybe if she had something different to say , but she doesn't its the same shit every time. I have mastered the art of tuning her out. I now even have a "not interested" look on my face and continue to work without look at here whenever she talks. She still does not get the point. On thursday befor I left she told me how much she appreciates all my help. She also said that everyone we work with thinks she is slow, but she is not. Its really fucked up when everyone around yout hinks you are slow, but you can't seem to see why. This bitch is living in denial. Just in case she reads this YOU ARE SLOW. TAKE A FUCKING COMPUTER CLASS AND ESL BIOTCH. She is a prime example of what I am talking about above. This bitch has been her damn near since creation and still is struggling with english.

I have also Noticed I have a HUGE potty mouth. I can usually control myself at work and sometimes around my Mom. It has become so natural sometimes it slips. I think my new goal is to stop cussing. Which will be hard b/c I have road rage and I cuss at ppl everyday as I drive.

Speaking of driving. I think everyone shhould have to retake the test every few years b.c there is some bastids out there that do not need a license. Like Bitches(oops) ppl who brake while traffic is flowing at high speeds and NO ONE Is in front of them. I mean What the hezzy is wrong with you. I almost ramed you in the the ass loser. Thats all I got PPL ~Smooches~

Weekend and White Chicks

2006-04-24T14:12:00.000-07:00

IF this BITCH tells me the same shit multiple times, one more time we are going to throw down in this office. Yeah, I'm back to down time a work so I can write a little something something. Same bitch getting on my nerves. I HATE STUPID PPL. We should rid the earth of them. They are a waste of space.

Last weekend was one of Houston's big events. Its called The Beach Party (Formally known as Kappa Beach Party which is what everyone still calls it anyway). The Kappa organization didn't want this freak show to be named after them anymore haha. SO, although I did not attend the actually beach festivities in G-Town (Galveston, TX), I did attend the Farewell Block party on That Wonderful MLK(Martin Luther King, St. Dr whateva, I know every city has an MLK). As people are coming back home they go down MLK and floss. IT was my first time going. Surprisingly I had a great time. I hate Houston usually, but this event made me embrace my southern roots. Only in TX will you see Candy cars and Fifth Wheels. It was cool to be around ya ppl without any violence or Bullshit.
On a whole other note. I went to the festivities with my Girl Trish. We met at a job I use to work at and became cool. She is a white girl. It seems once White chicks that date Black dudes find out my sister is married to a white dude they automatically think I'm cool. Its so hard for me to comprehend, but it has happen more than once. Anyway the Block party was on her side of town so I went with her and her other WHITE friends. I knew I was in for "Hey Snowbunnies" all day, but I don't trip ppl are ppl. IF you cool, I'm cool witcha. Any Who, to make this long story short. The bitches had some hostility for black women, which was easily sensed. I have never understood how you can date black men, but talk down on black women, Who in the hell you think gave you the black man. IT boggles my mind. One huge reason I could tell they talked about black women is her child. He refused to sit in the back of the SURBURBAN with me and my friends Trish. HE had a screaming fit. He wasn't afraid of Trish, but he refused to sit by me. I know children are shy sometime, but its like that little boy has been taught some shit. THe worst part is he is half black. I don't know WTF they thinking, but why would you put that in his head. WE are where he came from. Then there little comments about the common hoes walking around the block party. I mean you just get a feeling when shit is not meant in a certain way. Anyway both of them were what we in Houston call BOPPERS. This heffa had the nerve to say OMG he ugly, but I don't want to fuck him anyway, I want to fuck his car. She meant it and didn't flinch or laugh after saying it. Maybe its just me, but everybody knows the REAL rich man drives a maxima and is saving his shit up. The one flossing in the new car is usually the one struggling on the low low. Anyway they are the perfect example of why I don't have many females friends. Women can be very STUPID sometimes and that's some shit I can't deal with.

It's so sad that I've been writing this same post since last weekend and I am now finishing it today. So, this weekend, was extra mellow. I didn't do to much. I did see the results of putting a bug in someone's ear. The best time is when there high or intoxicated. MY girl Trish was high and we were chit chattin. She has a major prob. A TRIFFLING man. Dude is 32 Y/O with no job and not looking. They are struggling big time. She has been hitting me up for loans quite frequently. Personally if we are cool, I don't have a problem helping you out, especially if you are trying to help yourself. I can no longer under help her. Its not my business what or why you and your man are still together, but I'm not going to give you money that he is going to use and he is not doing shit. SO, on Saturday she did the greatest thing ever. She ask me what I thought about her situation ~SMILE~ I had been waiting on this invite in. Usually I just give my opinion anyway, but we are not that cool yet so I waited to be invited, I told her str8 up...You can do bad by yourself, tell that dude get on his grind or kick rocks. With a little more added to that. The bug was planted. Trish got some balls that night and started talking to that dude crazy. She is finally starting to see the light. The problem is the boyfriend of course knows who put that bug in her ear. He knows he trifling and I guess b/c we are both black I am suppose to not tell the poor girl that she is looking quite foolish. WRONG. I hope she leaves his broke ass. She can do so much better on her own. Having a partner that doesn't work it like having a grown ass child.

This weekend I also realized, that even tho I miss certain friends, I am doing so much better without them. Without the constant drama I had to go through or the Bullshit they always carried with them. I still love them do death, but I think our deep friend time has passed and there is no going back. I also realized that I have been thinking about Sasha a lot. I haven't called or made any other contact, but I miss her. I miss hanging out, then I think about what she was trying to do to me and I wonder why. If we were as cool as I thought, why would she do that to me. I guess its hard to believe someone you thought was cool would do that to you. I guess I have more trust and hope in ppl. I also noticed that the whole incident has made me paranoid. If some ppl come around, I don't know and they look suspect. I bounce in a heart beat. Its like its all in the back of my head and I don't really trust ppl anymore. I mean I've had other friends that did dirt, but not for one minute do I believe they would sell me out knowing I had nothing to do with it. Everything in me tells me never to talk to Sasha again, which I won't, but I know one day I am bound to see her. I wonder to myself what will I see in her eyes, or what will she say to me, does she even know that I know what she was trying to do. I have mad issues on letting shit go unresolved. It makes it very hard for me to letit rest, even though I know I should. Probably why curiosity killed the cat, oh but the satisfaction brought it back.I dunno fuck it. That's all I got for ya ~Smooches~

P.S I'll post pics later. My computer at work is janky. Oh and just now the dumb heffa I was talking about at the beginning of the post, calls me to the back of the office and asks me why can't she send an emaill. SO She's like watch. So I watch her begin typing in the email address. This Dumb heffa is typing in (www.whateva.com) I'm like fool that is a web site not an emial address. She's like ohhhh that's why it wouldn't work. This is the incompetence I have to deal with. These bastid need to show me the MONEY and soon.

How Much MONEY will cause you to sacrifice your HAPPINESS

2006-04-21T09:17:00.000-07:00

THROWBACK :)

HEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOO Errbody. Hope all is going well in the lives of all of you. Mine is stressful as usual. Work is kicking my ass and annoying the hell out of me at the same time. I really like this job. I like the opportunities it can provide. I like most of the ppl here as well. BUT. You know there is always a BUT.

These ppl have been in this business for years and I am wonder how the fuck they made it. For instance yesterday this women asked me HOW DO I GET TO THE INTERNET. I seriously thought she was joking so I asked "Are you serious?" She was like "Yeah, I don't know which one to push. Is it the button(she said button I did not, it should be icon) that says My Computer?" I can't stand a stupid person. This bitch annoys me daily. She is always talking to me or asking me so throwed off question. She hobbles around the office all day (she broke her foot or some shit) complaing about how much it hurts and how hard her job is and how she does not get paid enough. The women just annoys me so much. I feel like everything she ask me to do something she should know how to do or should be doing herself I get this attitude with her. Does this deter her from asking me shit. HELL no the next few minutes she back in my face telling me how she doesn't understand something. Its not just her though.

The marketing rep annoys me to. I showed her at least 5 times how to enter shit into the system. Every time she need something entered she still emails me. So, recently she emailed me the shit and had the nerve to put ASAP on it. She also didn't send enough information for me to enter the shit. I politely wrote step by step instructions for this Heffa and told her she need more information, I also told her to let me know if she had any questions. Tell me why I walk to the back where her desk is to scan something and she says "Hey SFC, I got your email, but did you enter it into the system?" Oh the things I wanted to say to this heffa but the Lord held my tongue. I replied no (thinking to myself this is a perfect opportunity for you to learn the shit yourself, so you can stop emailing me to do it). She then ask me "Well, are you going to?" I am screaming at the top of my lungs in my head. I respond sure BIOTCH.

On to the other person that is 2 seconds away from being cussed out is my BIG BOSS. I have created a nickname for him. It is rude so if your offended oh fucking well. It is Faggoty Douche bag or Faggoty Biotch. Yeah I confirmed he is definitely gay. Which I could care less about. He is just an asshole. I will ask him a question and its like he takes out parts of what I say and form a whole new question in his head and then answers that question. Unfortunately , that shit does not help me with what I am asking him. So I try to rephrase and ask again. He does the same shit over and this time makes it seem like I am wasting his time by asking twice. I just go and figure the shit out on my own. He also has little dick syndrome if you ask me. He walks around like he is the man barking orders an being rude to his staff, when in actuality without us he is nothing. His shit will not take place without our hard work. That really pisses me off. Recently he was saying that shit was backed up and in so many words it was my fault. He was siding with the customer instead of backing me. The President of our company came down from Philly to handle this shit. Oh Guess what? It was not my fucking fault (like I said), It was the customers staff that dropped the ball. I love being right, but did I get an apology, hell no.

In conclusion, I like this job. The pressure is great sometimes, but its also rewarding to see ppl walk out of my office smiling with the keys to their new house. The pay right now sucks, but in about a month (I hope) it will be VERY NICE. My boss's rudeness and the incompetence of the staff does annoy me. My immediate boss I adore. She is really down to earth and listen when I speak and ask her questions. I think the main reason why I haven't went off is her. She realizes my boss is an ass and usually shelter me as much as possible. I know that any job is better than no job, but I don't know if I can cut it. I mean this man is at the point of no return for me. He doesn't have many more passes before I blow up. So my question is How much money will you sacrifice for your Happiness?

Oh this is my baby(neice) Poppin Her Collar Uh Oh

I FELL OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH...BUT I'M OK OH AND HAPPY EASTER

2006-04-16T14:30:00.000-07:00

Its kinda fucked up, but I feel like I always say what I mean here no matter how it sounds. I do that b/c this is my shit. So, with that said... I don't feel like writing. I feel my mind is so busy thinking of all the shit I should be doing. I feel like I rest but my mind doesn't. I'm always thinking of how I can do something. I am so determined to make the best of my good fortune. I have the opputrunity and I won't fail.

So since I'm feeling hella lazy...Here is a synopsis of what been happen.

I am working my ass off for my new employer. I hope all this hard work will payoff. I am so proud of myself b/c I'm doing my thing. Unfortunately, I am tired as hell and the weekend never seems to be long enough.

My B-day was April 8th. I feel old. I'm not old, but I feel older. This bartender gave me some concoction for my birth day. Let's just say it went down as easy as it came up...All over the bar LOL. It was too much for my stomach to handle. Oh well.

I had blonde highlights for about 4 days. I went to get my hair hightlighted for my birth day. I wanted lightbrown. They came out damn near platinum blonde. Luckily, they have been dyed darker and now they are very cute :)

Some people (I'm not naming any names, but you know who you are) seem to think I am conceited. This came as a shock to me. Although I feel I love my self...A lot. I am in no way a conceited bitch. I love me b/c for a long time I didn't and now I have to make up for it. Whateva, I am me...Hate it or Love it.

I saw this documentary on HBO called "Cutting Edge." It is a really nice documentary about a barber shop. They said something in it that really made me think. One guy said.

"All men CHEAT. If they don't CHEAT, they're GAY"

That fucking sucks. Is that all you have to look forward to. I personally think they should of kept that shit to themselves. If that's the best you can hope for out of a man. Fuck it. What's the point. Its a good point too. I mean I know a lot of gay guys. I have seen the "downlow guy" for myself. It's a fucking shame. I don't give a shit either way, but at least be real about it. Don't lie and fuck up the other person's life.

I'm fucking sick of being single. Its like the plague. I want a mate. I don't want a half ass mate, so Its gonna take a little longer than I thought. People or so full of shit these day
is sad. For example. I met this dude the other night. He decided to be str8 up and tell me how much of a hoe he was in so many way. He said he had 3 kids and lived with the babies mama. Oh, but wait... He didn't love her no more and he was only staying for they kids.

Question

Why stay in a hostile environment for the kids?

Answer

I'm not going to leave her until she gets on her feet. I'm going to wait
until she finishes school.

I put on the "that so sweet face" (thinking yeah freaking Right).

Question

Well how long are you gonna wait?

Answer

Oh, I'm not in a hurry.

Conclusion. He live with his baby's mama, but he fucks around on the side. He fucks around on at least a weekly basis. For some reason that night I had DUMMY written on my forehead and he thought I was going to go for that shit. SMH. Oh and once he found out it was not going down... I'm stuck up and uppity. FUCK U! My pussy gets given when I want it to and if you don't like don't fuck with me... HOLLA

Why the hell did I see Mike Jones on this corny ass show on MTV called "Yo Mamma." People come on and do the dozens and the best person wins, of course they have a yo mamma joke portion. Well, it was the finals and Mike Jones was on as a celebrity judge. One of the contestants kept REPEATING shit he said in previous battles. Wilmar (from That 70s show, who is also a host) said the other contestant should win b/c her material was not reused and fresh. Mike Jones had the fucking nerve to say "Yeah, that's true... You can't repeat yourself over and over and use the SAME material to win." WWWWWWWWWTTTTTTTTTTTTTTFFFFFFFFFFFFF. Mike Jones entire career is based on repeating the same shit over and over. Example "Who? Mike Jones." Not to mention, all of you non-Houstonians, Mike Jones have had the same wack ass lyrics since he was on the "BeforeThe Kappa" tapes. He's been saying the same shit for year. OMG I almost had a heart attack when he was telling this dude all the shit he needs to tell himself.

Jade is a spawn of Satan and needs to be destroyed.

OMG I almost forgot about one of the funniest things that happen to me. My "Go Out Crew" and I went out the other night and it was one of their birthdays. My homegirl was only turing 20 , but she was drinking like it was her 21st. She gets so fucked up. She is dancing all outta control and then she falls. I'm like oh hell no. It is time to go. So I tell her this and she is like NO, I want to stay. So we argue for like 5 minutes. Its like 5 of us. 4 are trying to convince her it is time to go, while she continues to dance and such. So finally one of the other chicks in the crew is like Fuck this. She puts this girl in a headlock of sorts. You know how police officers put you hands behind your head and hold you in that position. Well we are walking out of the club with the girl in this hold. People are looking at us like WTF is going on. I am crying laughing as we walk out of the club. Then the police start running our way. They think the two are fighting. We have to explain we are trying to get her home and they finally let us proceed to the door. We finally get outside where the drunk girl decided to meet a dude. He is helping walk her drunk as to the car. We are right behind the car when this happens.

Her drunk ass falls and some how lands underneath the car. I am almost rolling on the ground laughing at her ass. Oh and the night does not stop there. Later she falls down peeping outside b/c we can't find a bathroom. She pretty much pees on herself. Mind you I am still laughing. This was by far one of the funniest night outs I have had in a while.

*I think that is all for now ppl. Hopefully his week won't be so hectic at work and I can write. Smooches (Gotta Love Me)

Fusterated

2006-03-27T10:41:00.001-08:00

I am soooooooooooooooooo Fusterated right now. The women at my job got fired today. Some to findout it has nothing to do with me, she has been slipping on her pimpin for a while and the boss finally let her go. The worst part is (well for me) now I have a shit load of work thrown at me and my boss is being all pissy. I just learned all this shit last week and he expects me to know all this crap. I hate not being able to d what is required of me not b/c I can't but b/c I haven't been taught. I am a bit of a perfetionist so this is realy irking me to no end. I need to understand whatI'm doing to ensure it is done right and I can't do that at this point. I am slos sick of him snapping at me ugh. I hate when ppl talk to me like I', stupid and he gives this look that says it. I'm not stupid i'm uninformed there is a big difference. I hope I can do this.

It feels like everything is annoying me today. I'm taking everything someone says to heart or the complete long way. Not to mention I'm starting to like someone and its been so long since I have I don't know what to do. I don't want to rush it and I don't want to come on too strong. So I feel like I am stuck in the middle of pretending I don't like them and lovey dovey talk. I HATE DATING. I want to skip through it all and find the ONE and live happily ever after. I'm so scared of being hurt, but at the same time I don't want to hold back how I feel. I'm trying to believe that everyone is nt alike and they are not allout to hurt me. I have this thing tho. Everytime a person I like says something I heard b4 that was bullshit, I replay that senario in my head. I have trust issues. I try to give everyone a chance, but this crap still runs through my head. Maybe I'm not ready for this just yet. I have been doing the single thing for a minute andI thought I was ready to get back out there. Now I want to run and hide b/c I gotta go through the B/S again.

Why does fat have such a bad stigma attached to it. Why is it that ppla re so interested in the FAT part of my name. IT doesn't matter that I'm sexy , its all about the fat. Why do you call urself that? You don't look fat is what they say. GREAAAAAAATTTTT I'm so happy I don't look that way to you. Prolly b/c I've lost a few pounds and things are melting away. I know that I am far from skinny, but maybe not so fat anymore. I hate using the word thick b/c it the wrong way. Why can't I just be me a person you find attractive and has a really cool personality. Why must I be defined by that. Its so funny when I meet ppl online and they come here then ask me are you fat. My respone is do I look fat. Beter yet do you like what you see. If you do then why the fuck do you care. So you guys be the judge. They are a bit blurry but you can still see my body type. What do you think?

I am doing some serious venting today. Thanks for listening.

Oh I almost forgot. Sasha called me again this weekend. She told me she did indeed go to jail for warrents and something else which she didn't get to tell me. I pretty sure what the otehr charge was. She also asked me to borrow $200. Of course I said no. I haven't called or went over there. I know she is bad for me and the Lord saved me once. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. So I gotta say HOLLA to Sasha. Thats all for now ~Smooches~

TGIF

2006-03-24T09:12:00.000-08:00

Hello Fellow Bloggers
The Pic above is the view from my office. I love it. I am freezing my booty off and I think I'm getting a cold. Global Warming is really screwing over Texas and I'm sure some other places. Its usually hot as the devils ball down here, oh but no not today its is cold as hell instead.

Its a bit awkward around the office. I don't really know how to handle it or how it will play out, but yesterday we had a staff meeting. At the staff meeting my boss is telling me all the things he wants the guy here from out of town to train me on. Everything He wants me to learn this other lady in the office already does. I came in as a temp Receptionist almost a month ago. SO, as he is telling me what I am to learn the women burst in and says.
"You are teaching her everything I do. If she's going to do that what am I going to do. Am I getting fired?"
My boss says He wants everyone to be trained on the system and no she is not getting fired. He also says they were going to have a private meeting after this to discuss some other shit with her. So we all leave and I got to the back to her desk to get trained and she answers the phone. After the guy and I are done training for the day, I go back and tell her she can have her desk back b/c we are done for the day. Mind you she came back there and got all her paper work and such , but I'm thinking is b/c she needs all that shit to do her work in the front. The women tells me we don't need to switch back b/c IF she stays that the receptionist area will be her new desk. My mouth drops and I'm like are you serious. She's like yeah so you can just stay back there. I felt so bad b/c this women is really nice and she's been in this business for awhile I assume and they are just going to give me her job.
For the rest of the day I really didn't have anything to do so I asked her if she wanted me to answer the phones, so she could do her other work. She says it with a little attitude no I got it. I feel like she is being rude to me for something that has nothing to do with me. Her job is a lot of work and a good learning experience, but I didn't try to take it and didn't ask for it. I feel like its going to be hostile if I actually do get her job. Although my boss hasn't discussed me taking her job, but he has said he wants to hire me permanently. I thought it was for the receptionist job, which would have been great. So time will tell how all that is going to go down.

Last night Sasha called me. I deleted her # so I didn't know it was her calling. ( I don't memorize # I just add them to my celly). I answer and I hear her say hello, but she is breaking up. So she hangs up and calls back, but I still can't hear her. I guess she got out, but I don't know how. I really want to know what happen but I don't want to get caught up in her drama again. Its really hard to let go of someone I see as a friend, but on the other hand I don't really trust her. I can't/won't call her. I'm sure she will call me back. I'm also wondering if she found the whole incident suspicious. I mean the cop comes I suddenly leave and go home. I mean she aint dumb I know she peeped the cops, but I don't know. I thought this shit was over, but I fear this will not be the last time I hear from Sasha. That's all for now Peoples ~Smooches~

Random Thoughts

2006-03-21T13:23:00.000-08:00

A messenger just came into my office and told me

" You should smile like that all the time. You have a smile that will light up a room"

That turned this shitty day upside down. I love when ppl do random acts of kindness sometimes ppl really need it. So I don't have much to say. Posted some pics of my new hair cut. I loooovvvvvvvveeeeeee it.

For some reason I couldn't let Sasha go that easily. I had to know if I was right and if The LAWD was speaking to me and saved me from a heap of trouble. So, I called her,anonymous of course. Her phone went str8 to voicemail. Sasha's phone never goes str8 to voicemail. So I called again and it did the same thing. That can only mean one thing. She is in jail. Sasha's phone is never off b/c thats her money. Thank the lawd for instincts and following them. I know for sure I would have been in jail right now. I on the other hand will never know if she planned to do me dirty. Maybe laterin life we will me again. If she got caught htat night she is going in for a while. Its really sad b/c she only started b/c her stupid boyfriend told her to hold down the fort while he sent to jail and like a dumb ass she did. I never got that part. She had a regular job and she didn't need to, but she did it for him. I hope I never have a love like that.

On another note WTF is going on with gas prices. I mean dang. I HATE BUSH. I cannot wait till election comes around. I'm so happy he can't run again. I mean who voted for this man. Now he says our troops will be there until his term is up and the next Presidnet will have to clean up his mess. SMH PPl PLEASE VOTE if only so gas can go back to normal. That's all for now HOLLA ~Smooches~

Game Over

2006-03-19T08:34:00.000-08:00

FLASHBACK

I say "Why do you keep him around, if you know he shady?"She says "Think about this. If the police busted my house today, Who are they most likely to believe? A girl with no serious record or this dude that just got out of jail and is on probation.

The problem is after her telling me all this I don't really trust her anymore. IT also has a lot to do with the incident and us not talking, which I will post about later. . If she plays the games with other ppl why cant she be playing them with me. The problem is street smarts only takes u so far. You know what they say "You cant play a playa b/c u will always get played."

Sasha seriously never fails to amaze me. I figured out so much more shit this time. I figured out people who don't play games always get played b/c they don't even think about the game. They don't even think ppl play it and that sets you up for failure.

********

Last night all theses flash back were running through my head. It was time to use what I knew or get caught up. Last night Sasha and I were suppose to go to one of my BF bday parties. It was getting late b/c I had to do other family shit first.

So at about 10:30 or so she was like "Let me go to the store and pick up a few things then we can bounce." I'm cool with that. So, I go down first to get something out of my car. Its raining and my windows are broken so they were down. I go and start fixing them as Sasha is coming down the stairs. Then I see and Unmarked police car drive up and park right in front of her house. He doesn't have the lights on top, but he has writing on the the side (which I can't see) and a spot light on the side of his car. IT could be a coincidence I think, but its quite unlikely.

At first sight of this car my mind says. Don't get in the car with her. Ususally I will hear a voice like this and don't think anything of it. This time everything in me was sure I was not going with her tonight. I told her then I was going to follow her and take my own car. She laughed and was like why didn't you say that before. She gave me that sly smile that she has and realized that she just may have fucked herself this time. I didn't respond. I continued to fix my windows b/c now she was blocking me in. She had stopped her car behind mine so I could get into the car with her. So, after fixing my windows I get in my car and wait for her to move.

I thought of the flashbacks I listed above. I thought of the fact that Sasha almost always has a stash under her gear shift. I thought of how She would do those other dudes dirty so why wouldn't she do it to me. I pictures Sasha putting her stash under my seat while she was waiting on me to get in. I pictured what Sasha would tell the police if we got pulled over. I came to the conclusion I DON'T FUCKING TRUST HER. I decided that getting in that car could ruin my life and that was not an option.

MY suspicions grew greater when her brother and cousin pulled up. Her brother wanted to go with her and she got mad at him and told him he couldn't come and to go with her cousin. She did not want her brother in that car. Although her brother was staying the night with her so this would have been the logic solution. She got out of the car and told her cousin something. It was a bit dark, so I couldn't see much and didin't want to seem like I cared.

I don't know if Sasha went out the gate or pulled back into her spot b.c it was raining. All I knew is when I saw I could get out I got the fuck out. I didn't meet her I took My black ass home and thanked God I was able to. I will never know what happen to Sasha b/c I'm never talking to her again. IT may have been me being extra paranoid, but I would rather be that then fucked. One of you all commented on the blog that you use to love ppl with drama then you realized its not worth it. I finally realized that. She was cool, but not cool enough to ruin the rest of my life. If I ever find out what happen to Sasha I'll let you know, but she won't be getting any phone calls from me ever again or visits. I had a choice to make last night and I'm glad Game recognize Game. Sasha taught me that. ~Smooches~

Bi the way

2006-03-16T09:54:00.000-08:00

So, After reading blogs all morning I decided to make another post. I'm still struggling with what to do with Sasha. Her way of thinking is just to crazy for me. She has recently been dating some Scrub from the NO. She is not feeling anything about him, but his penis. She left us alone togeather to go to the store the other day. Why is this dude asking me things like: Can I eat ur pussy and telling me all the things he can do to me. Not mention before she left he was flirting with another friend of hers. SO, of course I am totally repulsed b/c this is not my style. I dont fuck with friends man and I dont do sloppy seconds. It seems all the men she messes with are trifflin. So I ended up dropping this dude off for her. Tell me why he ask me did I want to come up to his apartment. I asked him to shut my door before I told him something. I then talk to her the next day and I tell her how mad he was at her for not dropping him off herself. I also tell her he is triffling. I told her he tried to fuck me and if I was a dirty biatch he would have got some. You know what her response was. You should have got you some head and some of that good dick. I'm like hell naw. Sasha claims that she never has sex with the many different dudes she talks to, but then at other times she tells my how good or bad the sex was. I try so hard to understand how this girls mind works. She is such a good person in so many ways and in others she is an undercover scnadoulous BITCH. Everything she does is to benefit her, but she makes you think its to benefit others. I really enjoy being with her most of the time. I think I really keep going back b/c there is a slight attraction that has developed. I tried sooooooooo hard to make this a platonic friendship, but the more we hang out the more I see her that she may want more than that. The other day I was there. We were talking about kissing. I was like I love to kiss. She all of a sudden bends down and is like 5 centimeters from my lips and stops. I really believe the only reason she stopped is the look on my face. I had to have looked shocked or digusted or something. I know it wasnt an inviting face b/c I was so shocked that she was about to do that. On another occasion. She came out of the shower naked and had a conversation with me and modeled her new underware. My friends use to say this girl liked me and I was just in denile, but my reisistance to the thought is fading. I think there right. I think she's waiting on me to make a move as to not ruin or friendship or freak me out. This whole situation is crazy. I'm usual great at reading peoples intentions and hers are lost on me. ~smooches~

Happy Birthday To You Pretty Girl

2006-03-16T06:52:00.000-08:00

I am the Proud Auntie of a BEAUTIFUL HEALTHY baby Girl. I think we will call her Olivia. Watching someone give birth(this is my 2nd time) is the most emotional thing ever. I felt so helpless seeing my sissy like that and not being able to do anything. When they pulled her out and she held her in her arms I cried. I know its painful, but I can't wait to experience that feeling. Bringing a life into the world is by far the most beautiful thing ever. I am on cloud 9 right now although I only had 4 hours of sleep. Women are offically amazing creatures. ~Smooches~

Words Do Hurt, Well They Hurt Me

2006-03-13T08:57:00.000-08:00

I realize this weekend that ppl I don't give a shit about can't hurt me. I ponder there actions, but there actions don't hurt like they use too. The only people that can still get to me and hurt me are the ones I love. Some seem to be so skilled at this art. I am extremely sensitive which most of my friends and family know. The words they say to me have a way of turning my world upside down when they are hurtful. This weekend that happen to me. Someone I love said something to me that hurt me. Hurt me so much that the moment didn't and has not yet pass. Every time I see them or hear their voice I think of what they said and it makes me want to cry all over again. I know that everyone has their faults me included, but I've been trying so hard to be a better person. A more responsible person and get back on my feet. Maybe its me and I'm truly not doing shit,but that is so hard for me to except. I was so excited when I left work Friday b/c they offered me a permanent position. I bought Champange to celebrate. Within a few hours my mood was totally changed. I felt like I use to in school when kids picked on me. The ppl I love have a way of making me feel like a child and completely useless sometimes. All I wanted was someone to celebrate with and instead I got hurt. I'm also usually very outspoken, but with certain ppl I love I can't be. Some ppl are not very sensitive to others feelings. So, instead of saying what I think I just say what they want to hear. Its sad that an adult would be afraid to say what she needs to, but Its just not worth it most times. This time was the one time I tried to stand up for myself b/c I felt I was right and it only hurt in the end and the point I was making was totally not seen. I guess I can't win for losing. This whole incident has made me more determined though. I am determined to succeed and do better that what I'm doing. I'm not gonna look back and have regrets. I have to get out of my situation in order to keep my sanity and I'm crazy enough so a sista gotta get it together lol. I wish I could take a pill everyday that made me less sensitive. Its my greatest weakness. Moral of my story is "Words do hurt and Fuck Everyone all you have is yourself in the end." ~Smooches~

Ppl from the Boot need to be Booted

2006-03-09T09:30:00.000-08:00

As everyone knows I talk about the New Orleans folks that have invaded my city. Although their presence has no affected me directly, excluding taking over everything and making asses out of themselves. Last night I was finally truly affected by their presence. Now my mom says that I am stereotyping, but that's BULLSHIT. I know how Houston was before and I know how it is now. Last night there was an incident of Child Abuse(LONNNNNNNNNNG story) to my cousin, who reside with my mom, from her mother. She is fine, but they made her go to the hospital just b/c of the circumstances. My mother and both children waited at the hospital for almost 5 hours. After my cousin was checked out and proven to be not hurt, they would not let us leave. The nurses told us we were not allowed to leave until the police came. There is a sub station no more then 3 miles away from the hospital. Again we were waiting 5 hours. We asked to leave and go to the sub station right down the street to file the report ourselves and still we were refused. The nurses kept telling up that the police had been dispatched, for 5 HOURS. Finally at 11pm, we were there since 6pm, my mom said she was leaving and they could come to her house to make the report. The police showed at like 12pm to take the report. It took all of me to act like I had since. I'm pissed b/c my cousin were their all night. No food was offered until the 4th hour. It was a school night and my mom had work the next day, but no one gave a shit about that. I'm pissed b/c this has been happening a lot in Houston since "They" got here. The police are starting to take hours to get to calls b/c they are backed up and a lot of them have quit. I'm pissed b/c the influx in crime is in direct correlation with the New Orleans people coming here. I'm pissed b/c this case was not taken seriously. I'm pissed b/c no matter how much I try to keep an open-mind about our VISITORS, I can't b/c too much evidence is against them. I'm not saying all of them and I'm not saying Houston didn't have problem b4, but I have never heard of anyone waiting that long for the police to come, especially at a hospital. My mom said a women's house got broken into in her apartments and it took the police 6 hours to get there. Now I know this is common some place, but not here. Then I read this today

The underlying $91.1 billion spending bill provides $67.6 billion to fund the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and $19.1 billion in new money for hurricane relief and rebuilding along the Gulf Coast.
The bill would bring total funding for the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan to $117.6 billion for the budget year ending Sept. 30. Total spending on Iraq and Afghanistan since the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001 would reach almost $400 billion.

I HATE BUSH. HE IS THE WORST PRESIDENT EVER. He is on a personally agenda and not what is best for this country. It amazes me that we can spend more on a pointless war than on rebuilding in our own country. I'm just pissed all together.

On a lighter note. " I Got A Jizob" ( from DaDa on Next Friday).

~Smooches~

2006-02-20T14:53:00.000-08:00

I want to scream
But who would hear
I want to run away
But I cant remember how I got here
Lost in my own head
I wish I could clear my mind
Rewind Time
Make up different lines
And do it all again
Make it better this time
A Stronger me
Concentrate more on my abilities
Not what I dont have
I can't get mad
B/c it was all my choice
North or South
Left or RIght
I'm too tired to fight
About something I cant change
Gotta figure out how to maintain
The future is all I have
To make of it what I want
I gotta get on point
And prove to me
My life was never meant to be
Less the average
With the typical madness
I'm built for betta things....

I'm stuck. tell me what yall think thus far ~smooches~

Fucking With a Twist

2006-02-17T22:00:00.000-08:00

Time and time again I found myself in a position where Sasha was approaching me with a threesome or telling me to fuck someone b/c he had good dick. Now I, personally. don't get down like that. I think is nasty And I don't do sloppy seconds. Sasha would always tell me about how good or bad the men she slept with were. She even told a few to break me off or made it seem like we "ALL" were going to get down. I would laugh it off b/c I know me. The problem was I never knew if she was serious. If I would have been down for it would she have? Now its possible it could be yet another one of her head games to see if I can be trusted or to see which flavor I prefer. Several times I could swear she was making a pass at me. I wasn't looking for that. I really just wanted a cool friend no strings or sex.

I said all that to get to a this. Mike a dude I met through Sasha would always hit on me when I came over her house and he was there. Now Mike was Sasha's man friend. He is also Jamaican and I never could really understand what the fuck he was saying until I had been around him and her boyfriend for a while. So, after finally understanding a convo I found out he had a little sense. He was really aggresive, like I like. I know he dealt with some grimey shit as well. I guess that was equally a turn on. Sasha kept telling me to fuck with him and that he was working with some major weight, if you know what I mean. Mike and I have never fucked, but we messed around. Nothing to serious.

Recently Sasha told me Mike was starting to hit the Cane heavy. She said he was coming like everyday buying nice sacks. Mike is truly a smart guy, but he has gotten way off track. He was a huge weed head but he didnt fuck with this shit on the regular like he was now. The fucked up part is that Sasha is his supplier. Now Mike and her are real cool. Mike and her man were real close. The more she talks about him the more I think of how cold she really is. Its all about money to her. She doesn't give a fuck about shit but the dollar.

Oddly, Mike ended up coming over while I was there and he was jumpy and kept shaking. He couldn't sit still. When Sasha told him she didn't have any he started talking about how his friend really need some. THe second her connectecd called and said he would be on the saw. Mike instally calmed down a little bit b/c he knew it was coming. I knew the man he waws befoer and the shit was said on top of a turn off. Mike told Sshas to let him hold some omey until he got the money from the other guy. Craig has never been a broke dude lt me say. Evertime I saw him he had money.

Then some shit started running through my head. How Mike would drop Sasha cash all the time. He would just give her money when she talk about how she was struggling. I figured they were just cool. She always said he had big dick. Then a thought about earlier when she said he does so much caine his shit won't get hard. Now I see it. I am so slow I didn't see it before. The way he looked at her sometimes or the way he spoke. I remember the day Mike and I fooled around Sasha suddenly had to go some where really quick and left us alone for a while. Sasha is or has fucked Mike. . Why would someone do that. It accrued to me that the few men that she has introduced me to she has prolly fucked. Sasha has too many levels for me.

The aboveis the lasted Sasha story. Sasha seriously never fails to amaze me. I figured out so much more shit this time. I figured out people who don't play games always get played b/c they don't even think about the game. The don't even think ppl play it and that sets you up for failure. Sasha recently stop talking to me b/c she thought I stole money from her and she didn't want to ask me about it. Why would strong Sasha hesitate to question me about her money. Why just stop talking to me for no reason and give no explanation. Then after a few weeks, she finally tells me what the problem is. If you read my past post about Sasha you will understand now why I cant trust her. The problem is I really like hangin with her. Its like virtual trip through the last urban novel you read. Her life excites me. Everyone knows when you play with fire you get burned. Sasha unber estimates my listening abilites. Now, I'm playing her game and she doesn't know. I'm Out ~Smooches~

Life

2006-02-13T15:06:00.000-08:00

I'm dissappointed in myself, b/c I am in damn near the same position I was in 2 years ago. I was so miserable this time 2 years ago b/c I knew this is not how my story was suppose to play out. I have BIG dreams and they are all in my grasp, but I seem to keep missing and falling flat on my face in front of tons of ppl. Its like a reoccuring nightmare. You'd think I could get it right finally. The same scene over and over and it keeps playingout the same no matter how many redos I get. I'm beginning to think I'm afraid to suceed, but that insane. THats all I think about, how life could be if I shoulda coulda woulda. My obseession with past failures are not allowing me to see that the future is what I make it.

I've been reading the palm reading book. It explains the lines on the hand and what they could possible mean. I know this shit is written to sound like someone perhaps, but its really interesting how much the stuff is on point. I guess I really just need to vent a little. Its funny b/c it also said that I am more likely to show my feelings instead of saying them and that I probably keep a journal to get stuff out. I admit I usually don't say how I feel b/c its easier to deal with. IT also say i'm probally a poet and really creative. Yall should check it out if u havent :)

On a lighter not did the bleeps just start on the Boonbocks or am I trippin. "Nab Oprah" was quite hilarious. Charlie Murphy and Samuel L. Jackson were funny as hell. Oh and I love how the "Blame Game" As everyone was calling it during Katrina has started again. Of course this was going to do.'
President Bush was anything less than fully involved," said White House homeland security adviser Frances Fragos Townsend.

LMAO remember when they reported Bush was still at the ranch and didnt cut his trip short for the NATIONAL EMERGENCY.

I'm out ~Smooches~

Game Recongize Game

2006-01-30T08:49:00.000-08:00

Sasha was the kinda girl you learned a lot from. She was always about her paper at all cost. She was the girl eveyone underestimated. She was the girl everyone thought they could fuck over. Little did I know Sasha would teach me an important part of the game last night. I hadnt chilled with her in a while, but thats a whole other story. She told me to come through and chill with her. Sasha and I were really close until this little BS went down, so I really missed chilling with her. Watching this girl work was an art form. All I could do was sit back and watch the show.
When I walk into the house I see there are new charcter added to the story now. 2 dudes are there. 1 have met before the other is new. Eventually Sasha and I get some time alone and I ask her as always whats the story on these dudes. Sasha tells me that the one dude that I know is now living with her. She said he was boohooin about he didnt have a place to live so she let him stay. THis isn't suprising. She is truely a really nice person as long as you are down for her and coming up. She then tells me the dude is triffling and doesnt clean up. He has also been smoking her product. Then to put the icing on the cake he just told her she owes him $40 for making change for one of her customers. The problem with that is all her product is gone and all the money is right. So how does she owe him anything. This is mind blowing to me that someone would consider someone else this damn stupid. I mean it is impossible to fuck ova a drug dealer. They are about their paper, but she gives him the money anyway. She knows he is lieing through his teeth, but she still gives him the money. THe automatic question for me was WTH u do that for. She say

"I like playing the game. I wanna see how far he will let it go. Money doesnt mean shit to me. THis is entertainment."

SO I ask her whats up with the other dude.

"He is something to do. He thinks I dont know that he stole my contacts out of my bathroom. I saw this dumbass Nigga at the club with them on. I know my shit and I have bad vision, so I know he couldnt see shit."

I say "Why do you keep him around, if you know he shady?"

She says "Think about this. If the police busted my house today, Who are they most likely to believe? A girl with no serious record or this dude that just got out of jail and is on probation.

I look at her in awe. She says "Its all part of the game. Even when people think they are winning and getting over, they are not. They see me as a dumb ass and think I dont notice this shit, when everything I do is a part of a plan.
************************************************************************************

I told this story for a few reason. One Sasha is a bad bitch and this is only one story of how this girls mind works. ITs intriguing to me b/c it is something I would never tolerate. Until this point I think I never really understood Game reconginze Game b/c I dont like playing it. I never play the game b/c it seem like a waste of time or perhaps it b/c I never had the need to. I have always been able to recognize it, but I usually do the opposite of the correct way in handling it. I call you on it and weed you out of my life. Sasha on the other had recognizes it and uses it to her advantage. From now on I'm going to have a Sasha post. I really want to write a book about this chick and the shit she has been through. Her shit gives THe Coldest Winter a run for its money. THe problem is after her telling me all this I dont really trust her anymore. IT also has a lot to do with the incident and us not talking, which I will post about later. . If she plays the games with other ppl why cant she be playing them with me. The problem is street smarts only takes u so far. You know what they say "YOu cant play a playa b.c u will always get played."

Pray for America

2006-01-25T09:01:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was watching the Daily Show. Jon Stewart was making fun of Bush as usual. I began to think of what other countries must think of our President. I personally think he is a fuckin idiot. I mean have you heard him talk. He was answering question at a college in NC I believe. This chick asked him why was there an education fund cut. He tried to act like he didn't hear her and then He didn't even know what the hell she was talking about. This is the man that makes major decisions for our country. Its sad that he doesn't know or his advisor don't at least cover the basis before an interview. His dumb ass was talking bout mountain biking and such. WTF, If I go and hear the president speak he better talk about more then his fucking hobbies. Now the state he was in is of course Republican, so they kept singing his praises. The funny part was in the background you heard some country bumpkin hick say "You did good Mr. President." What exactly has he done good these last few years in office.

Oh I must add to my last post. MY sister always says the phrase "Niggas and Flies". I never really understood what it meant until the trifling ass Nigga stole my phone.

Oh and why do ppl say " It could be worst" WTF, IT could be a whole lot fucking betta too. I hate the whole optimistic glass is half full shit. ~smooches~

I HATE NIGGAS (Yeah I Said IT)

2006-01-23T18:53:00.000-08:00

I am soooooooooooooooooooo pissed off right now. You want to know why? TRiffling ass broke NIGGAS. Well, one in particular who I was trying to help out. This sorry Bastid stole my NEW cell phone from work after I let his TRiffling ass use our phone. I mean I dont understand. Why must black people contiune to bring each other down. If he only knew all the shit I'm going through right now and this shit does not make it better. If any of who have not seen the Martin Luther King Jr. speech on the Boondocks, you should really TIvo it. IT was damn near the best speech I'ver heard sine I have a Dream. YOu know they really need to be called out. FRom now on when ppl are acting Nigerish I'm gonna str8 call it like I see it. This shit has to stop. I'm so pissed right now, I dont even remember the funny shit I was gonna right. More lata ppl. ~Smooches~

Poetry Corner

2006-01-21T15:10:00.000-08:00

If you didnt know, I write spoken word. I'm too big of a scarey cat to preform it. Check me out and let me know what you think ~Smooches~ Oh and there is a regular post below :)~

Your love is blinding
Only allowing me to see you
Your aura is consuming
Oh How you take over me
And make me feel safe
I'm at peace with this
Our union
The most beautiful thing I know
It must be heaven sent
Oh how I miss ya scent
Intoxicating
The words don't come out right
I'm tipsy from your love
I'm under your spell
You are the truth
Never leading me astray
Your love shines down on me
Like sun rays
YOu help me grow
YOu are my ray of hope
THat true love still exist
And it lives in our love
You give me joy
That cannot be measured
Baby, If you dont inhale
I can't exhale
You breath life into me
You and I I were pre-determined
Written in the Stars
For others to gaze upon in awe
How is it possible to be
So into you
But never stop being me
You are my destiny

"I Said It Before I Neva Fuck Hoe Without Head No More" (Get Thowed Bun B)

2006-01-21T14:22:00.000-08:00

I was looking through my journals from the last 2 years and I discovered something. I have changed. I am so amazed that the person writing was me. The shit I put up with was like "wow". I'm so happy b/c I LOVE ME. That is a little new. I talk a good game and that's b/c a true warrior never shows fear.
SO, I'm loving the response to my return. I really really appreciate the love ppl. Thank You. Its nice to have feedback on ya life sometime.

I was at the Sprint store today (I got a new phone for free :). thank the lawd for boobs lol) and this women ask me if I was from New Orleans. First let me say up to this point we were having a great convo. We were discussing how much Sprint truly sux and the hopes of now that they have merged, it would get better customer service. Then after this enlightening convo she asks me this nonsense. I mean don't get me wrong I wasn't offended. I was more stunned that she would confuse me. Now this may sound rude, but seriously I have heard them talk. Its really easy to tell usually. ( PLZ PPL OF NEW ORLEANS DO NOT TAKE OFFENSE TO MY NEXT STORY> THIS IS ONLy COMIC RELIEF THO EVERY THING I SAW DID TRULY HAPPEN)

I made the mistake of giving one of our new VISITORS my #. He seemed ok and he was talking about partaking (HEHE) so I was cool. Tell me why this dude called me like 25 times that night. He would call and say the same shit ova and ova. And hands to the heaven he was the slowest.
I would tell him something like "I don't know what time I can come. Let me call you back in about an hour." Is that hard to understand? His response "Ok, you know I really wanna see you, What time you wanna meet?" (After 3 times of this I stop and look at the phone. I scream into it "Can you fucking hear me?" He is like "Yeah lil mama I can hear you." So I say "Well, can you fucking understand what I'm saying?" He's like "Yeah mama I understand. What time you wanna meet?" I hang up the phone. I have a short patience for stupidity on simple shit. Ray Nagin Please Repair Chocolate City" ~Smooches~

P.S Really feeling Bun B Please support. Oh and thats my favorite verse ") A Girl has gotta get her's ;)

Happy BLACK PPL DAY!!!!!

2006-01-16T17:33:00.000-08:00

It dawned upon me today that I may be single because my tolerance for punk ass behavior is very low. I am not attracted to a dude who do not know how to take charge. I can tell a weak man from a mile away. I can tell when I can play with your head or catch your attention. Its pathetic. Get some fucking balls or Please do not approach me. I need a shirt that says CONFIDENT FAT BITCH. Losers need not apply. The world is not ready for me and neither are most Houston men.

OR shall I sat Hou-Orleans men. Man the crime rate in Houston has risen so fast it giving law enforcemnet a swimming in the head. We are short on cops and gang violents have seemed to increase. I swear to you I went out the other Night to a club that is usually very nice. Little did I know it was New Orleans Night. Have you ever heard the shit they play in the club? ITs like TEchno-RAp. They mix any song you can possibley think of with the same ass shaking beat. THe DJ was literaly sayin "who got they FEMA Check." And the crowd whent wild.

P.S. My mom told me she had to work today b/c its a 2 blk person limit that gets off on MLK. It's an optional holiday. That is so rude. Oh and BOONDOCKS R THE SHIT :)
~smooches~

Ghetto Not so Fab

2006-01-14T21:02:00.000-08:00

This feels so foriegn. ITs like hwere do you began. So much hilarious shit has happen to me since my last post I just dont know where to begin. I have really missed comign here to vent and getting feed back. Someone one left me a message the other day saying they loved my blog and I was like wow I havent been there in 4eva. Anyways I've been hustling for the '06. Meaning working my ass off. Got 2 jobs after working at the MOST GHETTO FUCKING PLACE ALIVE. I wish I could call they ass out. SO I was working at the GHETTO ASS answering service over the holidays to get gifts. I soon saw after being there a few days it was not a company to grow with. Ok SENARIO I'm sittin at my at my cubicle answering calls when I hear my supervisor screaming very loudley.

Supervisor = 5'9 black ass women with no hair and ashy feet. "Whoever pissed on the toliet seat is a nasty. You may do it at home but dont bring that nasty shit here." Other Supervisor = 5'10 black man with golds and an extra big booty. SO the Other Supervisor says "Yeah dont bring that nasty shit here, That must mean you aint even wiping you ass."

At this point my mouth is hitting the floor. I cannot believe these ppl would do something like this in the middle of our little rush hour. Everyone (30-35 ppl) are on the phone and ppl can here this. Second inceident freaked me out, but everytime I tell someone I can't stop laughing.

Ok, the Other Supervisor (5'10 blk man with golds and an extra big booty) comes up to me and this other girl and says "Have you seen that new saddle?" I'm thinking what the fuck ishe talking about so I say "What saddle, for a horse?" He says "No, Its like a saddle for someone to ride your face in bed. They have them at the shop down the street." I just bust out laugh. THis man keeps a str8 face and is like "I'm serious."

This was by far the strangest job I have ever worked at in my entire life. I met the most ghetto ppl. I was wondering where these ppl would seek employment and I found it. The worst. Other wise I've been chillin. All I got for ya folks ~1~

SFC is Back

2005-12-04T06:38:00.000-08:00

Seriously, I have really wanted to write on here, but I feel like I have nothing to say. Good News I found a JOB. Really good news for all my friends and family b/c a sista was broke. I've been so busy lately. Nor just from work, but I think I gotta LIFE. Its been awhile, lol. I've been hanging with some new ppl which is cool. I 'm also learning that I'm not missing much. The best advice I could ever give someone is to NOT MOVE TO HOUSTON. I thought is was boring b4 but now its just turning ghetto. I contribute it to our new VISTORS although they seem to think this is LA and there is no going back. On a daily basis I see shit that is uncalled for. From clothes to outta control ass behavior. I'm about to get my ass up outta her b4 the drive by starts. I was getting my nails done yesterday and this heffa was trippin. First let me explain that Nextel/Sprint went and lost their mind and every New Orleans person I see has a damn cell phone with the walky talkly. How do I know they got walky talky b/c they are everywhere with that shit on full volume no matter where they are. Odviously this must be new to them b/c they do not know how to use the shit in the appropriate manner. This heffa is in the nail shop with her shit on speaker phone loud as hell paying her Sprint bill b/c her phone got cut off for non payment. YOu must be asking how do I know this. B/c this heffa let the whole shop hear how much she owes, for how long and how much she gonna pay b/c the whole things is on speaker phone. How does your bill get to $300 dollars? Also why did she only pay $100 but was gettin 3 of here friends nails and toes did. This is a prime example of how fast the money given by America is dwindling on Bullshit. NO one seems to have their priorites in order. Houston is becomiing Houston ppl vs. NO ppl in everything. I dont even listen to the radio anymore. All you hear is that GOD AWFUL Laffy Taffy song. I want to shoot myself everytime I here that shit. Oh and they wont let it die, now they play the remix. OK OK OK I'm calm and I'm done ranting about this Lousinana bullshit. Last word is BUSH get ya shit together and get they shit back running PLEASE.
************************************************************************************
I have also noticed lately that men have lost their mind and I now know why I dont get laid on the regular. Now just to let you know this may get a bit deep and should not be read by audience under 18 aight. Ok so me and a friend went out with these 2 dudes. 1 of the dudes is her firend who has tryed to holla at me b4. They were about 5 dollas from being scrubs, but they were her homeboys. So we are chilling having drinks and they soon make it very clear they trying to get some ass. I dunno if its just a Houston thing but men her have no GAME or cant seem to articulate a better way of asking for ass except stupid shit like "can i smash"/"I need a playa patna" (which means a fuck buddy)/ Lets go to a room (which usualy means hourly WTF). The point is that shit dont fly with me. I'm trying to get mine like you trying to get yours, so i'm not settling for no BS. So after I get this info my name is giggles for they rest of the night b/c all I can do is laugh at this dude. He is not use to a female like me and he has underestimated my mouth piece. So we leave the place we are drinking and they take us to get some food. I have by then made it very clear that my girl can do whatever she want, but I not for it. Dont get me wrong the dude is cute, he seem like he working with something, and it had been a while so I would have been down(excluding the hourly motel ewww), but he said some stupid shit to me. The worst thing you can ever say to me is. I need some head, but I dont give it. ITs like a loud brake screech in my head and I look at this dude and laugh. I was like I dont have sex unlessI get full service. This dude is looking at me shocked like he has never heard a women say what she wanted before. The whole time we eating he trying to covince me why I dont need a 100% attention just like he do. Everytime he talks it so wack I laugh. This seems to annoy him which makes me giggle even more. He tells my friend i'm hullin him, which means I'm treating him like some punk ass dude b/c I want some tounge service. WTF. So that night ended with him going home alone, but that has not stopped him from still trying. Its like dude that wasnt just that night. You will not catch me slippin on that requirement. The funny part is I now now that PUSSY really does run the world. I can see in his eyes he wanna give in and eventually he will. Moral is dont settle for anything hold out for the best baby. What one wont do another will trust me I KNOW. SFC ~Smooches~

2005-11-12T12:18:00.000-08:00

Dang! Its been awhile,but I just haven't had the urge to write. I'm lost. Its like I'm in a maze and I know the right way b/c I've been here b4 but I cant bring myself to get out. I'm so comfortable in my rut of counter productive behavior I don't know anything else. I am so off track and it would be so easy to get back on. MY problem is that I am too inpatient. I want things to change over night when I know it not an option. I also procrastinate like no other. I always put off the important things though. The things I need I find away to convince myself they can wait. In the end I'm full of regret. I know the life I see for myself is way more than what I'm living right now. ***************************************************************************************
So on a lighter note. I've been good meeting new ppl and some old ppl that r just new to me now. I stared talking to this chick I went to high school with. Now in high school we were cool b/c we had gym together, but that about it. She was into not doing work or even coming to school most of the time among other things. I was on my grind trying to do well. We hung out the other day and it was weird b/c she is so opposite of anyone I would hang out with b/c of the shady/ criminal things she does. I think I could write a book about this chick tho. IT might be better the the Coldest Winter Ever. Her life is like a ghetto novel for sure. She is so smart when it comes to hustling and getting over one someone. She tries to convince me of how easy it is.but that is not my style. I'm book smart. I can tell you how to improve your profit from you schemes, but I cant personally get involved. I may not be on tract right no,b UT I got shit to do with my life and it don't include JAIL. I admire a lot about her tho. One of the best days I had in awhile. Its good to see the other life sometimes . ***********************************************************************************
LAtely I feel like ppl have been making little comments I don't really like. I know yall remember the chick I had to read a a while back. Well now her and my friend have started talking again which is so cool. YOU choose the company you keep not ME. Anyway little comments have been made like. From one friend " I have learned (since the incident) that you cant mix friends". WTF does that mean. Then another friend said "well you said some things that were not at the appropriate time and that was wrong but you should just let it go and be friends again" WTF is it just me or r they saying in a nice way that what I did was wrong and they can bring no one around me. I mean I could understand if I talked that crazy to ppl on the regular, but this is the 1st time and the BITCH deserved it. Then I had a party last week and one of my friend (who was planning it with me) invited her. Oddly I didn't have a problem with this. I can be civil. I had been civil the whole time with her. What really pissed me off is my friend telling ppl that I was sorry for what I said. Just so everyone can understand "I AM NOT SORRY FOR CALLING HER ON HER BULLSHIT AND NEVER IN LIFE WILL I APOLOGIZE." maybe its just me. but I'm sure I will her about this later from someone. Anyways that's all my ranting for now. ~smooches~ SFC

America's Next Fat Model lol

2005-10-12T11:59:00.000-07:00

I haven't had much to say lately. Things have been going well. Went out on Sat. Had a great time. THe music sucked though. The DJ was from New Orleans. They are wayyyyyyyyyyyy behind Houston seems like. Its so weird here now b/c u can tell who is not from here. THey dress different. Its like a different standard of black folk. Like Houston chicks will leave the house with their hair uncombed,but N.O ppl leave the house with rags on their head (SMH at both). I am also annoyed that the other day I see this chick walking down the street with her little baby in this raggedy ass stroller no shoes or socks on, but she had a Vuton backpack on WTF. This is leading me to believe in the coming months when ppl stop giving and there is no more aid for them Houston is going to turn into the N.O. Meaning all the crime and shit is going to sprout here. I mean they are even more desperate now. I understand now why ppl dont want to help. I saw on another blog where this chick was saying the goverment should make restricitions on what they get to do with the money given. I thought it was wrong at first but it makes since now. I mean consider if you came form nothing. Like you before Katrina was poverty. NOw you gettin all this aid. What you gonna do with it. Buy everything you ever WANTED not what you NEED. Their are a few ppl staying at my mom's church. Keep in mind everything they get is free, but now they are complaining about the food and other things. Me personally would be glad someone is helping me period after this. Anyways I dont think ppl realized how much it would effect our city. **********************************************
Back to the club. I had so much fun laughing at all the fashion disasters. ITs like ppl have no true friends or HORRIBLE taste.THIS IS A PUBILC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT TO ALL WOMEN ( NOT JUST THE FAT CHICKS B/C U SKINNY ONES BE LACKING TOO) EVERYTHING IS NOT MADE FOR YOU. I think women feel just b/c they skinny they can wear anything. Let me be honest with you. You look the FOOL. I'm not saying i'm the best dresser, but I am saying I know what looks good and flatters me and thats what I wear. *************************SO here is an update on my last post. The girl called my close friend and told him she didint want to be his friend anymore. WTF I dont know what to say about that. I guess some bitches never learn. ***********************************Put a few pic of me playing with me cam phone. I think I am slowly becoming conceided. I guess its better then being the sterotypical fat girl. I love me and I dont give a fuck who dont. ~Smooches~

Read You Like A Book

2005-10-01T10:48:00.000-07:00

*************************************WARNING****************************************
This post will show a side of me most ppl dont get to see

So, this is going to be a long post b/c I have to start at the beginning for you to understand. One of my closest friends has this friend he hangs out with. When I met her I didn’t really like her, but I am far from rude. She is his friend so I would not come at her like that b/c I respect him. SO I tolerated her. I tolerated her smart-ass comments. I tolerated her quick jabs at my confidence. She basically is one of those chicks that hate to see another confident person. She always wants to be the center of attention. The fact that I am a big girl and she didn’t intimidate me pissed her off I think. Don’t get me wrong she is tall and cute. I am not a hater. I will give her that. She would say little things every time I saw her. They were insults, but not for the slow minded. I guess she thought I didn’t catch it, but I did. Again I let is go b/c She is His friend and b/c I'm better than that. It’s not my fault u r not comfortable with you. I have never changed me for anyone. She is the classic skinny bitch Mo'nique talks about. Anyway a few weeks ago Bobby (the close friend) tells me he wants to have a surprise party for her. I automatically get a bad feeling. This girl is really ungrateful on a normal day and I personally didn’t think she deserved it. But again I'm not rude, so I agreed. SO we plan all the shit. One of my friends spent like 40 dollars on food and decorations. Then Bobby spent money on some other stuff for her. IT was wayyyyyyyyyyyy nicer than any shit I would have done. SO When I got there I relaxed. IT was a really nice set up. I would have been so happy that someone did all this for me. SO even though I didn’t think she deserved one I was going to try to make this nice for her b/c THAT THE PERSON I AM. So she finally get there and we yell surprise. She screams and turns around. We are all waiting for her to come in. She doesn’t. So I go outside and she is sitting on the step. I ask her what’s the problem and why she not coming in. She all like I need a minute and she gets on her cell phone, but this bitch has the nerve to ask me where is her drink. I don’t trip I walk back in the house and from that moment decide it is best if I don’t speak to her or I might ruin the party even more. I can only hold my tongue about shit for so long and being intoxicated does not help. Like 15 minutes later she comes in. She asks, “were is my drink”. She doesn’t hug anyone or say thank you. Bobby tells her to go say hi to the guest. She's like what guest. I was like OMG this is not going to be good. IT was like 7 ppl there. You must understand though that we have a close group of friends. It’s not very big. She knows this b/c she is forever inviting herself to something. It’s always the core ppl and then we meet new ppl so we add and remove as needed. All the main ppl were there. Beside that Bobby advertised this party and theses are the ppl that decided to show. Which shows you how much ppl care about her at least her supposed true friend b/c they didn’t show. Anyway Bobby’s like could you just go and say hi to the ppl that r here they came for you. SO then she asked again where is her drink. Bobby pulls out a bottle of Boone. She was like all I get is this cheap shit. OMG I'm still trippin that this chick is sooooooooooooo fucking rude to someone that is really close to me. I can tell this shit is hurting his feelings and making him wish he never did it. SO then she goes and opens the fridge and sees her little weed brownies we made for her. This annoys Bobby even further and he tells her to sit down. SO by this time I'm like lets get this shit over with. SO I start to put candles on it and such. She is sitting with her boyfriend telling him how she doesn’t like this party. She says this loud enough for me to hear. I don’t know if anyone else caught it. Pretty much she was frontin in front of her man like we were her second rate friends. Pretty much like she was embarrassed of us. But she is the first one inviting herself to ppls get together or their house. Anyway So I light the candle and take her the brownies. She blows them out. After she counts to make sure it was 21 candles. Then she was like I get the first piece and I need a plate to take some home. Now at this point I am sooooooooooo pissed and annoyed its silly, but I keep my cool fix her a piece to take home and then I start handing out the rest. After this I go in the other room b/c if I had to continue to listen it would not be cool. So she stays in the dinning room with her man for almost the entire time she is there, while the rest of the ppl r in the living room. So she finally comes in there only b/c we r smoking and she want some. So she gets a few hit and then she's like I gotta go. She gives everyone a fake hug and her and her man leave. I counted to 5 and made my announcement. BTW I, at this point, have consumed a whole bottle of champagne, weed brownies and I smoked. I was gone beyond belief. Everyone that truly knows me knows I do not bite my tongue often. The only reason why I did not call her out is b/c SHE is HIS friend and I respect him and it was her little party so I didn’t want to ruin what she had already done. I stress this so ppl will understand why I took so much shit from her b/c he seemed like he really liked her. SO after she left I said and I quote " I DONT LIKE THAT BITCH. YOU CAN BRING HER AROUND BUT FROM THIS POINT I DONT LIKE HER. I'M DONE WITH HER." Someone must have asked what happen. I was so mad as I was telling them I didn’t notice that she had walked back into the house. She must have been waiting on the stairs to see if we said anything b/c she came back in. By the time I see her my mouth will not stop and I'm like fuck it she shouldn’t have came back. I was trying to be nice and spare her feelings. So she asks Bobby was she ungrateful and rude. He says yes. She's like why didn’t u tell me that. And he says it wasn’t the place, I was going to talk to you about it later. Now I’m really mad b/c not only was she rude and ungrateful she came back in like she was the shit and made a scene and embarrassed him more. SO she ask me how I felt. I swear on everything I told this girl not to ask me that and to leave. She said NO tell me how u feel. What she do that for yall? TO tell you the truth I don’t remember what I said word for word, but the only word that can describe what I did was READ her. Yes it a str8 gay term, but I didn’t really cuss her out. I told her how the fuck she was rude and that I didn’t like it. In the word of my mom I did it in a Nicesty way. I was nasty in a nice way. At the end of my spill I was like just get the fuck out. She turned around and left. She didn’t say a word that I can remember. The room was quiet. When I get really mad I cry. I felt so exhausted. Like all the shit I ever wanted to call her on just flew out. I had not noticed that I had become passive aggressive with her b/c I didn’t want bad feeling between my friend and me. I think I scared the shit out of some ppl. I don’t want ppl to think I am a bitch, but when it comes to ppl I love I get more mad then when its me. I can handle her rudeness, but it is impossible for me to see my friends hurt. I apologized to everyone b/c I have not gone off on someone like this for a while. When I’m pissed, I don’t care about ur feelings or what I say. I'm mad at myself for holding my tongue for so long though. I knew something bad was going to happen when he asked about this party. She is the most ungrateful self-centered bitch I ever met. I don’t see how ppl walk through life thinking their shit don’t stink. Now it’s a new day and I don’t know how my actions will play in the light. I feel bad, but not for reading her. I feel bad that I did it to his friend and I know now that I will never be able to be around her if him and her remain friends. I hope I don’t live to regret my bluntness. I truly believe she needs it though. She is very selfish and that is the root of most of her problems. This wasn’t the end of my night, but I'm kinda drained from writing this. Moral of this story is never assume someone is intimidated or even rattled by ur presence. Never be so fucking ungrateful to ppl that care for you. Oh and never underestimate a FAT CHICK ~smooches~!

Just Thinking

2005-09-26T19:15:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to thank all the ppl that visit my site. Feed back on ya life is nice sometimes. I was thinking today of what I really want our of a mate. I dont fee like I'm that picky really. I recently met someone that is not really my usual type, but I'm attracted to the person. The personality seems nice and the person is intelligent (thats a must). I hate when ppl say they dont have a type. Everyone has a type. I mean if there is no physical attraction then whats the point. Why would I want to be with someone who doesnt find me sexy. I mean mutal attraction is a must. I was talking to someone the other day and they were saying how they had sexy with this chick and they couldnt get into it. There were no odvious reasons like odor or inexperience. They just really hated the sex. I told them it was b/c there was no attraction. I mean yes, u can have sex with someone u r not attracted to, but the orgasim is not the same. I know this from experience. They could be doing eveything right, but you are just not feeling the person. I personally dont want anyone that does not think I am the most beautiful person in the world and vice versa. ******I'm begining to think I push ppl away. I dont know if I just feel like the relationship is going to result in bs and end it to save myself the trouble or if Iam so afraid of letting anyone in I just push everyone away. I want to be in a happy committed realtionship. I HATE BEING SINGLE. I also refuse to settle for b/s when I know I can do better. I feel like I am the only person in the world who has not had an long term relationship. I guess things happen when were ready. ~smooches~

Stalkerish

2005-09-25T09:55:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I wasn't going to write about this at first, but the person took it too far. So I've been talking to this person. The convo was ok, but I knew there was something strange. I always give ppl the benefit of the doubt b4 forming a opinion. SO as we gradely talk this person began to tell me they love me. I know I dont. I do not take those words litely. Then I notice they call me alot. I mean like 10 times a day or more. Maybe I was giving off the wrong impression. At least that is what my friend said. I on the other hand thought I was making myself very clear about taking it slow and not rushing. WEll yesterday this person called me like all day. I would tell them "oh, I'm being rude to my friends I will call u back later which I was. Like 30 min later they would call me back even tho I said I was busy. SO then I stop answering. I cant take someone somthering me. I need my space and I dont like talking on the phone all damn day. This person called me about 15 times in a 4 hour span. Not only that they called me from unknown and had a friend I dont really know call me as well. With them on three way, but they thought I was BRAND NEW and did not know. This was also after I called back after the first 8 missed calls and said stop calling me so much. I am busy and I will call u back. I mean I dont understand. If you know someone is busy and not answering WHY would you keep calling me. THis leads me to believe everyone on the internet is KooKoo for COCO Puffs. THe biggest thing is I have nerver met this person. WE are in that talking stage. Me deciding if they are worth meeting and not crazy. Well I guess I know the truth now. I mean the person seemed like someone I could at least be friends with. Now its a different story. ****I also have noticed that ppl need to stop getting high/drunk b/c they tend to tell others buisiness. These newbies can not handle it man. I am so calm and cool when I am intoxicated. Others run off at the mouth and start telling me shit I didint know. Of course (winks) I will never admit I know or bring it up, but its weird the things ppl dont wont u to know. LOL but they felt confortable telling the person that just told their dirt. O well I guess we all trust in certain ppl for differnt reasons. I can only think of one secret I told. I use to regret it, but now i'm happy I did for many reason. I think it was for the best and it will help more than it will hurt in the long run. *****So my "I Survived Rita" party is yet to take form b/c all but 2 of my friends left( ha ha losers). That's all folks ~smooches~

Imma Survivor (Ha Ha RIta U Missed)

2005-09-24T11:50:00.000-07:00

I made it lol. Well Rita took a turn and pretty much missed us. We got a little rain and some crazy wind but we aight. Our power is not off either odviously, so we came out very blessed. The new problem with our area is getting ppl back in. I mean everything is closed and there is no gas. Houston is almost like a ghost town. Their advising us not to leave our house wvwn tho the storm has passed. MY question is why would you leave ur house unless u going down the street. I mean EVERYTHING is closed. I think I may die of bordom or kill my cousins b4 we are released. Upside is no school or work untill most likely Wendsday. There is about to be some horrible traffic again with all the ppl coming back in. I pray someone sends us some gas or we are shit outta luck. I think I'm going to have a I Survived Rita Party with some Margaritas lol. I need a drink after all the work we did to secure my sissy's house. I need to smoke lol. I can't wait to buy a fat 20 sac lol ~SMooches~

Writers Block

2005-09-21T09:29:00.000-07:00

When I get in a mood I dont wanna talk or type. I been in that modd for a minute as u can see. So life hasne been so bad since the last time I wrote. Still job searching, but I did get unemployment for my last stupid job. I'm home alone. My sister and fam is in Maine whale atching and such, while I am perparing for another Katrina named Rita. Ppl are not takeing this very seriously. I pray this will not be as bad and I wont be floating to saftey with my family. This is too weird tho. I mean is it a Coincident that most of the N.O ppl came to Houston and now we are getting hit with it. Someone or thing is trying to tell us something. I'm not going to mention my theory b/c ppl keep freaking out when I do.
*********************************************************************************So my sister left on Saturday. I've had 2 parties thus far. This storm is messing up my weekend. Anyway they were nice get together. I've noticed that I am an extra generous person b/c I like to see ppl have a good time. I see these ppl as my friends and thats what real friends to right. The second pary was great b/c there was no dry ppltheir like the one b4. I dont understand ppl that come to parties that really dont drink or smoke when u know that is whats going to happen. YOu make everyone is the room annoyed. STAY AT HOME. The second party was great until a "friend" who I now realixe after 5 years of putting up with shit, that he is not down for me. He does shit ll the time and expects ppl to deal with it even after you have told him how you feel about it. Its like him repeatedly saying Fuck YOu or spitting on your face. he shows up to my house yet again with a thief and a hoe. I mean I dont really talk to these ppl he brought to my house and on top of that he didnt tell me he was bringing them. He is so fraud in so many was. The worst part is I have told him a million times about bringing ppl not only to my house but other friends house without letting them know. I mean we have a close group of friends that hang out. We all know how each other is and we accept that. The ppl he insist on bring is really out of place. I was so mad. I almost let is ruin my night until I made the decision. I'm done with him. He has no respect,shit I dont think he even cares for anyone but himself. ITs all about what he can get from you or someone else. Its real sad b/c everyone is like that is how he is. WTF why should you let someone be like that to you. I know exactly why I have been dealing with is for the last year b/c I feel obligated and responsible for a grown ass man's actions. Now I'm done. I cant call this person my friend. Sadly I dont thnk he will ever change. He doesnt know it yet but he has lost me. The only person that is always there for him. I'm done with BS friendships that are a one way waste of time. ~smooches~

Bend Dont Break

2005-09-03T14:41:00.000-07:00

So on THursday I got fired from my job b/c business is slow and I was unwilling to do the inaccurate telemarketing they wanted. I kinda of figured this would happen. I havent really told anyone. Everyone knows how I am when I am unemployed. I got into block out mod. I stop calling ppl and do me. I dont wanna go out, b/c I aint got the paper for that. I am so strong willed and independent. I'm just ugh with everyone right now. Ppls tru colors are showing and I'm beginning to wonder why I try. SO, the only way any of them will know is if they read my blog. Which I am noticing ppl are then calling me asking me shit I know I didnt tell them. I'm just tired of being the one putting in all the effort or not feeling supported when I need it. I am always there when ppl need me b/c that is the kind of person I am. I listen give advice and do what I can when you need me. Ppl dont do that shit to often with me. I feel like there is never anyone here to truely lean on in CONFIDENCE. Not depressed yet. I cant be without a job tho. That shit is too boring for me. I will go crazy. Pray for me and all our new residents/ refugees.
***************************************************************************************
On a lighter note, A friend and I went out on Friday. I really didnt want to go, but she seems to be able to guilt me or what have u into doing shit I dont want to b/c I feel bad. So we went to this club. Which sucked so I wanted to leave after the 1st drink. So we left and went to this after spot that wasnt hype yet b/c it was too early. So I was like just take me home. Of course I can never get what I ask. Her response is no, I dont want to go home yet. I mean I dont understand some women. You so happy with your good man ( who is really trif), but you wanna go out and find some dick on the side. Why? Get rid of the bullshit you already got in ya life b4 u go get some more. And I swear I am sick of women one minute talking about how horrible they man is and when I tell you the truth like you ask me too and you start defending him. DO me a fucking favor. Dont tell me shit. I dont want to know. You not gonna leave so keep the shit to yaself. Then these women are the main ones to tell you why you aint got a (triffling) man like theirs. NEWS FLASH I dont want a man like urs. I would rather be by my damn self. Anyway, She begs me for like 30 minutes to go into this place that I knew was damn near empty and I wouldnt like. I wasted $5 and I didnt like the shit. So we left like an hour later. As we walk to the car a dude in the car beside us ask her what is my name. She tells him and he's like tell her to come here. So I was like you tell him to come here. I almost lost my mine when she tells me. He like big girls you betta go to him. LMMFAO. Its really sad b/c she is a big gurl too. I mean just b/c a dude finds me attractive doesnt mean I have to talk to him or fall over trying to get to him. Like I should be glad he wants me. WTF. Slowness. Anyway the dude came over. Seemed nice. Exchanged Numbers and that was it. Then she tells me. You so uppity. Please ppl tell me if I was wrong. I mean if its really that important and you want to talk to me because You are attracted to me shouldnt you make the effort and vice versa. Am I wrong. I mean he didnt seem to have a problem with it. Whateva. My sister says I'm way to tolerant of this friend and perhaps I should kick her to the curb. I'm just not like that. I try to see the good in ppl when the shit aint there. ~Smooches~

Prayer

2005-09-01T08:55:00.000-07:00

I am a native houstonian and most of the victims of Katrina are coming here to live until things are back to normal in LA. Its so sad seeing these ppl bused in with nothing but the clothes on there back. I was listening to the radio and Shelia Jackson Lee was talking about how we all need to help, mostly the black community b/c these are mostly our ppl. SHe also said that these victims will ot be here just for a month. The clean up is going to tak MONTHS maybe the rest of the year. Big up to Houston b/c we are stepping up and helping out. I encourage everyone too. I mean all the kids that are here have nothing and they have to go to school here for the next few months. Theses ppl have no where to stay. They are currently thousands in our Astrodome. I can only pray for the ppl that are still there stuck or didint make it through. The worst thing is hearing BUsh sorry ass on tv talking sbout how gas prices could rise again b/c of this and how he is doing all in his power to keep it from happening. Yea fucking right U know whats about to happen right. All this miltary ppl going to New orleans have the same rights as police oficers. People are about to die. Gas is about to rise. Things are about to change. NOw bush is allowing foriegn ships to bring gas to America. OMG r u that stupid. It is the perfect time to attck us. WE are wounded and now he's just gonna let them in. Pray ppl. PEACE ~Smooches~

I'm I Paranoid Or A Fucking Genius

2005-08-31T09:16:00.000-07:00

So last night my fuck buddy called. Which will now be refered to as my ex-fuck buddy. So he calls and is talking kinda strange. He has never in is fucking pathetic like talked to me in this manner b/c he knows better. I think I have been faking it a little too well and he think he has it like this. When the truth is He has never brought me to orgasim with his mandingo. Which is sad b/c you would think with all that he would know how to work it. Dont get me wrong. It feels great but he has not taking me there and never will now. But I do a good job at faking it. So he calls like he da man. Talkin about when can I get some more of that ass. Like i'm some common hoe off the street. Ummm no. So at first I'm shocked so and the music is really loud in the background so I think he is joking. SO i'm like haha when you want some. Our relationship is stricly sex, so him bringing it up wasnt unusual. Then he didnt hear me and he said it again multiple times. This is when I realized I'm on speakerphone. SO he's like I dunno when I want it I just want to know I can Get it. I'm like WTF this nigga is trying to front in front of someone. So he was like can I tap that. I was like whateva I'll think about it. Odviously the convo was not going the way he wanted so he goes ok that all I wanted to know. I will call u back. The funny thing is since the last time it happen I had decided to completely cut him off for many reasons. So I had deleted his number. So this puts the fucking icing on the cake. Thats all for now ~smooches~

Tsk Tsk

2005-08-30T10:09:00.000-07:00

SO yesterday I went to see my Friend K. She is this white chick I use to work with. Now the white chicks flocked to be my friend at my last job b/c most of them dated black men. My sister happens to be married to a white man and My niece (cutest child ever) is mixed. This I assume put a huge "She's an Ok black girl" tag on me. I have never been the hater type. I dont get upset when I see black men with white women. Do you. So anyway, she was cool ao we kept in touch when we both left the job. Now K has potiental to do better, but HER man Is TRIffling. Have some self respect and stand up for yourself. When we were working together she was taking care of her man. He had no job and didnt seem to be looking. This alone made me think she was a fool, but she had redeeming qualites. So I went to see her and she was all scraped up like she fell. First she tells me they were arguing and she slipped (lie of course). Later she tells me what really happen. Old dude has lost his mind b/c he finally got a job. He got mad at her b/c she spent $40 dollars of his money. (he gives his checks to her) So he left and didnt come back in HER car until the next day. So when he does come back of course she wanna argue and ask questions. So he pushed her ass down. Now you know by my last post what I would have done. Anyway this was not the first time he has done this. He leaves all night without calling. Now what you think he doing. The situation would have went a little different if it was me. He would have came home. I would have invited him in. Took my fucking keys and told him to go check by the dumpster b/c that is where I left his shit. And if there is a problem then HPD (houston police department) will be on speed dial. I dont have time for the Oh imma do betta routine. So I pretty much tell her she is a fool and she need to kick his ass to the curb. Mostly b/c she use to support his ass. She dont buy shit. I mean she spent the money on gas. cigs. and food. WTF. He needs all on those things as well. Of course I got the usual quietness after I spit my opinion. Everyone that knows me knows I do not hold my tounge when It comes to my friends when they need a reality check. I told her long ago to leave this dude. He is not the one. But no. This is what erks me about the whole mixed realtionships. Now i'm not saying all black women, but most would not put up with that shit. Again I am not saying all but most men that date white women do so b/c they know we not gonna but up with BS such as this. And it really fucking bothers me to here white women say. "yall mad b/c we took yo man" Hold da fuck up. Have u ever considered we aint wont his ass. So you taking another triffling brother away is not really a loss. I really dont mind the whole thing. I love my niece to death, but I think its a respect thing on both sides of the fence. White and Black women can not respect the fact that someone found love with the opposite race. I guess the white women pissed b/c there white men have been forcing themselves on us since we got here and black women are pissed for the same reason. Why be with a white man after all our history. Whateva. Do you and be happy. Its amazing how many stares my sister's family get when they go out. Its like ppl should really be over this shit already its pretty common now. Ppl roll their eyes, say rude things, whisper shit. Its sad. Grow up ppl. Thats all folks. Oh the little person with my shades on at the top is my niece. The look better on me lol ~smooches~

2005-08-29T15:55:00.000-07:00

How rude of my job to make me do work today lol. I had a great weekend. I spent way too much money but it was fun. I talk to Justin. He is the only guy that I can tolerated and have a REAL convo with. WE have been friends for about 5 or so years now. He would be my man if he wasnt on this I want to be single kick. One day maybe, but if not that still cool . He is a really good person to talk to. He always have me laughing with his stories. I went to boring ass Sherlocks (a pub in houston) on Saturday. It really sucked, mostly b/c it was a goodbye party for someone who couldnt get in b/c he left his license. Then is was raining like crazy. I got my hair wet, well not my hair and that why I was prolly(really annoying). My wig is too cute to be damaged by rain lol. I was talking to my sister about my dad. I realized that I really dont know the man that well. I 've heard horrible stories about him since I was like 8. I mean I've met himand know where he at and shit, but I dont know him. Prolly b/c I dont want to. All he ever did for me was tell me lies. He beat the shit outta my mom. No one has ever really went into details so I dont know the whole storey. I dont know if I ever will. I just think there is something everyone is not telling me. I cant imagine it getting any worse then what I have already heard. The more I think about it the more I commend my mother. She went through that shit with both me and my sister's father. I cant imagine that it was like. I pray I will never experiences b/c I will be under the jail. I wish a MF would hit me. The only outcome is death for him. Anyways I have never been a big Tupac fan, but I saw the whole documentary this weekend. Powerful man. I am so sure the goverment killed him. He was talking about standing up and taking action in out black communities. Now you know they cant have that. If black ppl start coming together. They wont know what to do. We have so much potential, that we are wasting. Its sad b/c If he were here now I think the world would be a little different. I like this quote I heard in the movie, something like "I may not change the world, but I will spark the mind that will." I saw this chick I went to high school with. She was like OMG u look so differnt. I dont think I do tho. I know my self esteem has changed and now maybe I carry myself accordingly. WEll thats all Folks ~Smooches~

Fed Up

2005-08-25T12:34:00.000-07:00

I'm going through the motions
But I'm not really here
I want to say some shit
But Do I really care
I'm Tired
Thats what I am
Why fight for something
That doesn't want to be here
Playing these head games
Its a damn shame
You can't man up
You know STand up
Tell me how you really feel
YOur lies was not part of our deal
How hard is it
To just let go
To let me move on
But no
You lead me on
Feed me lies
To keep me warm
When all I want is the Honest you
Truth will suffice
We aint gotta fuss and fight
If you dont want me
Then dont talk to me
THis shit is elementry
What I have to go through with you
To tell the fucking truth
Its cool
I'm through

I havent written in awhile. I think this one sucks but it will grow on me. I'm fed up as u can tell. I'm almost at the point where I dont trust anyone. I'm so tired of playing the high school ass games. When will people learn u cant have ur cake and it it too. I'm not gonna sit around and wait for you to be a man. Fuck that. Like I said I f you dont want me then dont talk to me. I think people in general think fat chicks gotta settle just b/c they the fat chick. ~News Flash Fukkas~ I aint gotta settle for shit. I'm too cute for all this drama. I'm not gonna cry or stalk ur ass. I'm gonna move the fuck on. Its funny but everyone who ever dogged me has come to regret it. Everyone who wanted to see me cry or lose the confidence I have has failled. YOU CANT SHAKE ME. I love me. Its that so hard for ppl to believe. Have u seen the pic lol. J/k i'm not that bad. AnywayZ I went out with a few friends last night. I got to get my laugh on which felt good. Smoked and had a few drinks. Yes i'm a smoka and I dont me Cigs lol. I miss my friends which is funny b/c they are always a call away. I feel like there is not point in calling no more. Same shit different day and my phones do accept incoming calls. I never understand ppl that be like "you cant call nobody" but hey never call u either. I need to meet some new ppl. Learn some new POV. SO if anyone is in Houston hit me up lol. Oh I need a name for the poem any suggestions ~Smooches~

2005-08-24T09:10:00.000-07:00

I'm all better noe lol. My leg is almost back to normal after a day off work lol. Nothing much going on except the usual. Oh I think I am addicted. I bought another one. Its cute and yes I am still turning heads lol. I'm swearing off sex for awhile (no not b/c of the leg) b/c the whole fuck buddy thing has never been my style. The more I do it(which isnt that often but its still good) the more I dont like the situation. I dont really trust the person I'm doing it with either. Sec is overrated most of the time and I always have myself. No one knows u like u know urself. So I am on break from sex. I have a full weekend planned and I cant wait until this week is over. Later ppl. ~Smooches~

Where shall I began.....

2005-08-22T09:10:00.000-07:00

First I'm REAL upset blogger lost my post the 1st time I posted. The second time telling is never as good. Anyway I had a great weekend mostly. Friday I FINALLY got some. WE took out time and did it right and at the end we were both tired as hell, but my body seemed to be dealing with this release a tab bit different then usual. So I go to get up when I have fiannly caught my breath and I damn near hit the floor. MY leg seems to be not working properly. My first thought is hmmm I must have laid on it wrong. SO, As i'm going down the stairs I am most fall b/c My legs gives out again. Its weird and funny at the same time. I mean I have heard of ppl walking funny after sex and with what he working with its possible, but it has never happened b4. So I go home and sleep. Wake up and my leg is still hurting but worse. Oh WEll I got shit. I spend 4 hours at the sprint store listening to why they could not give me a new phone and how I must wait 3-5 days. HEll to the NAW. So they direct me to another sprint store. Now I have wasted my entire morning standing with my hurt leg fucking with ppl at the sprint store. At the next store I was not so nice and Had to get Ignit(ignorant). Low and behold there is a phone for me in the back that appeared out of thin air. I am very annoyed. Later that day I tell my sister how I think I hurt my leg...later follows for about 15 minutes. I still dont think its that serious. SO we go home and she tells her husband...laughter follow. My leg hurts but not enought to make me ruin my weekend. So later that day me and my sister also decided to buy wigs to give us a change. I find one as u can c and I buy it. Guess what? MEN LOVE ME IN SOME LONG ASS FAKE WEAVE. They were like a swarm of fucking bees. I'm like could u pls give me 50 feet u r in my bubble. I got out later that night and shake my ass with my new do. Again they were like bees. My leg hurts more of course from the dancing but I had a good time. Sunday I decided to look up my symptoms on Web MD. I have a pullled hamstring from fucking. I am never gonna live this down and EVERYONE got jokes. At least everyone I told my leg hurt b4 I knew it was a pulled hamstring. So this weekend was interesting to say the least. Check out the wig...let me know what u think ~smooches~

2005-08-18T14:25:00.000-07:00

I feel stuck. Stuck in a fucking routine. I go to work. I come Home. I watch TV/SMoke. Then I got To sleep. Same shit different day. I'm learning nothing new and it is annoying the fuck out of me. I feel stupid (which I know I'm not). How do ppl do this. THe same thing day in and day out. It feels like a waste of time. My job is boring as shit. I dont do anything. Everyone is like u got the best job ever. I on the other hand think it sucks. I mean I love getting paid to do nothing, but I would love to have something to do. I fear when I finally do I will be like WTF is this. I have a huge problem going out alone. If there is no one to come with me I usually just dont do it except for shopping I can do that shit with my eyes close. BORING is what my life has turned into. I'm kinda tired of the club seen. Is this what happens when u grow up. U become boring as hell and do nothing. I wanna be a kid again then. I feel like I'm watching my life happen b/c its too boring for me to be apart of. I keep thinking of all the things I use to do and why I dont do then now and I just dont know. I seem to think that everyone is on a different page or not on my level. THat could be true or maybe we are and I dont want to acknowledge that. I dont wanna be stuck doing this for the rest of my life. All the things I really wanted to do seem to have slipped away or I forgot. I think my life got so annoying after I left my apartment and started this job. Nothing seems the same anymore. I also think everyone has turned into fucking idiots. I mean i'm surrounded by them all day at work. THey ask me stupid ass questions. Oh and when did the DMV start handing out licenses to every dumb ass in town. I swear one day rode rage is gonna get the best of me. I feel ppl get on the road just to annoy me. Why the fuck would u in front of me going 40 when i'm going 70. Why would you get in the fast lane going 45. Why do ppl brake when there is NO ONE in front of them. I mean this crap annoys me to know end. Oh and why is dumb ppl think they know everything. HOw is it possible for you to talk complete nonsense and not know it and on top of it all you wont let anyone get a word in b.c u think u r right. NEWS FLASH YOU ARE WRONG BISH. UGHHHHHHHH. Stupidity is the worst. AWww I feel better now. ~Smooches~

HHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPYYYYYYYY

2005-08-17T12:42:00.000-07:00

I have been looking for a new template for the last 2 days at work since I have nothing to do. I am still looking, but I like this for now. Nothing much has been going on. I hope I will be getting some today(reason for the happy subject lol). My sister's sister is truely annoying. HOw the hell do u invite urself to someones house. I have never heard anyone do this until the other day. She kept hinting around and my sister never gave and so then she finally said we are close by we gonna stop by. WTF? I was so shocked. I really didnt know people do this. Why would u want to be somewhere u r not wanted. I hope she reads this too. That is CRAZY. I was looking around the net today for some black big girl art and came across some really nice artist. Check it Out

~Smooches~

Hmmm....

2005-08-15T09:08:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking about a few things, like how i censor my blog b/c of who may read it. Then I discovered I dont give a flying fuck who sees my blog or who doesnt like it. I am me and I should be able to say whateva the hell I want. So let me just say what has been annoying me with everyone lately. I hate when ppl call you when they are on the way somewhere to ask you if you want to go. I use to do this to ppl and I never knew how annoying it was until it happen to me. I hate people that are sensative about what you say to them, but they can say or do anything to you and expect for everything to be ok. WTF? If you can dish it you sure as hell can take it. I hate not wanting to do something, but feeling obligated or I hate not wanting to do something that you know you should b/c that person has done so much for you. It makes me feel so bad. I hate when you finally come to a realization that all ur friends will not be your friends forever. I hate knowing that I am growing apart from ppl that have been my friends for soooooooo long. I hate loving someone who doesnt love you back. I hate having sex and not getting anything from it. I mean damn what a waste of fucking time. I hate repeating myself. I hate my annoying ass boss's GF who is always and forever at our fucking place of work annoying the shit outta me. I hate being bored. I hate being in Houston (its so freaking boring). I hate couples b.c i'm single right now. I hate skinny bitches who dont think I can get there aman. But for some reason they dont seem to see him checking me out on the low. I hate ppl who try to use you (for the record I am not that fool). I hate ppl who lie for no reason. Hmmm. I see somewhere this turned into the I hate blog. Ok so. I love my family. I love oreos lol. I love learing new things. I love having a good time. I love meeting new ppl. I love spoken word poetry. I love ME. OMG I forgot to tell that I saw that Super Size movie. It freaked me out so I decided to stop eating fast food. I lost 4 freaking pounds. THat is soooooooo cool b/c I wasnt even trying. I recommend everyone try it. Not for the losing wait factor, but b.c you feel so much better. I'm a sexy bitch regardless tho lol. Ok thats enough for now. I have really been ranting. OH by the way the face pic above is old and when I had my eyebrow peirced ~Smooches~

I Just Gotta Make It ( You Know The Song)

2005-08-14T09:57:00.000-07:00

So...another boring weekend under my belt. I just want to say how much EVE (as in adam and eve) sucks ass. Finally me and my fuck buddy can get together and b/c of this trick I cant get none. I cant wait to meet that heffa. Imma have a few choice words. I pretty much chilled all weekend. My friends seems as if they are drifting apart or just out growing each other. We are all growing up and clubbing every night doesnt seem that fun anymore. I'm so bored with Houston I dont know what to do. Well actually I do. I'm applying to a few colleges out of state. I've decided if i dont leave now I never will. I keep asking myself, "why are you here?" I never wanted to stay in Houston for the rest of my life. I wanna see the world. My sister has so many stories of the trips she has taken and places she has lived. I gotta go. I think I've been making excuse not to move on and grow up. Its been time. Its odd tho, b.c I dont plan on telling anyone one that I am applying (unless they read this blog) and even if they do I still dont want to talk about it. I just want to do. Show my family that I can be more productive then I have. If I could leave right now I think I would. I need to be free, alone, INDEPENDENT of all things that I know so well. WEll thats all I got for now. I'll post pics with this tomorrow at work. Why waste my free time when I can get paid to do it lol. ~Smooches~

Sexually Frustrated

2005-08-10T08:56:00.000-07:00

SO... I Havent had any good sex in like 2 months. I use to have this really good fuck buddy. Someone who finally knew how to hit it right. Our schedules conflict all the freaking time so technically we really are not Fuck buddies anymore. I mean giving urself an O gets really old after a while and I have reached my limit. I am such a sexual prude tho. I don't have alot of sexual partners by choice. But through reading the other sexy fat chicks blog, I feel it is time to get mine. I dont get as nearly as much sex as I would like. THere is a freak waiting to unleash on some lucky guy. SO my new mission is to get laid of the regular. I just want an O. The only difference is I cant bring myself to do all these one night stands. Its just really odd to me. Although I have had one when I was younger. It was actually one of the best sexual experiences I ever had. Hmmm I dunno. All I do know is I need to get some b4 the week is over or everyone is gonna start to hate the Bitch I turn into. ~Smooches~

My Weekend

2005-08-08T08:32:00.000-07:00

I really have turned into by far the most boring person I know. This weekend I did mostly nothing. I cleaned. On Sunday I went To Chances. My friend Bobby and Colleen did Karoke. I hate making an ass of myself so I passed. I had fun, it was good to get out. I bought an outfit to die for lol. Its green bug looking shades with shirt to match and of course tons of accessories (pic to follow). I have decided that perhaps its not the best idea to move right now. I feel like a loser b/c I haven't been to school in a year. I got an email from a best friend in High School that said she is on her Senior year. That hit me hard. It put in perspective how much time I've wasted. I mean I Am a sophomore at least but I am far behind, but I just don't know what I want to do. I thought I wanted to be a pediatric nurse, But I'm not sure if I'm cut out for it. I wanna go away to school before its too late. I keep looking at the here and now instead of the future. Like I have a really good job now, but in the future will I regret not pursuing a career I would be more happy in. I love kids and helping them would truely make me happy. I want to make my family and friends proud, but I feel like I'm seriously lacking right now. Everytime I say to myself things are almost perfect with me. I see this huge thing i'm really not happy with. I'm so bored with what I'm doing. I'm not happy inless I'm learning something new. At this point I'm not. I gotta get back in school and feel productive again or I'm going to continue to feel this way. My priorities are all out of wack. My spending habits are horrible, but I cant seem to get on track no matter how much I tell myself would I should be doing. Anyway. Mo'niqu's Fat Chance really sucked ass. All the fat girls on there were beautiful, but their self esteem seem to suck inside. I love me...we all have are bad days when we think we look horrible. I mean I understand how much being FAT can hurt. I've cried and had low self esteem. I think it showed America that, yes all the taunting does really hurt us and everyday we go home and cry. I dont. I use to. I decided if I didn't love me no one would. Its the self confidence that comes out that makes ppl a do double take. Skinny bitches hate to see a confident fat girl. Trust me I know. On the other hand Fat girls have no problem with congradulating the next chick, b.c it took us forever to get out of that horrible web of ugliness that America puts around us. Ok I was really ranting. Sowwy lol. In other news, I have came to the conclusion not only do men suck ass so do women. It is impossible to find a person that is honest with you and themselves on everything. People stop living in denial, its not just a river in Africa. This has to be my longest post so far. I guess I had a lot to get out. I really want to speak on the shadiness of my best friend friend's, but I know he will eventually read this and I don't really wanna talk about it. Lets just say it was shady, but I'm over it. Ok it's time to start acting like I'm working. I'm sure I will Have another post today. I bought 2 magz. ~Smooches~

My Outlet

2005-08-03T15:19:00.000-07:00

So I said I would post some of my poetry. Enjoy ~Smooches~

Wanting
By: ME

I want you
To want me
So deeply that
When i`m not with you
It`s hard to breath
Because I am the air you need
I want me
To want you
So deeply
What when I bleed Its your blood type
Because you sustain me
I want you
You want Me
That`s all me need
Two consenting adults
With open minds and open hearts
Feighning for each other
Trust and believe I`m ready to play part
To be the strong women
To guide ya heart
In my heart you can let your fears hide
Our minds are Intellectually intwinded
So when I say i`m feeling you
You know i`m Not lying
Compatable in everyway
But different a night and day
Allowing each other to be independent
Yet dependent
On all the beautiful things we bring out in each other
I can`t picture myself with another lover
Your touch calms me
In your arms I feel safe from harm
And my heart is warmed by the words you testify about me
Kiss Me
It`s hard to think about
Without getting caught up in another fantasy
About you and me
And that thing you do with your tounge
Has me completely undone
And this is only foreplay
What will happen when I lay in bed
With person who has be headsprung
and Me mesmorized by their eyes
As they eat my fears away
And dries my tears with kisses
As My hips are gripped
I realease my fears on to your lips
And we are one
In this moment of bliss

Once Upon A Time

2005-08-03T14:39:00.000-07:00

So, my friend Bobby started a blog and I've been wanting to for a while. I keep a personal journal so its not that different. Anyway, I liked his so I decided to start my own. Mine is the Chronicle of The Sexy Fat Chick for self explanatory reasons. Unfortunately for most of you this blog may be a tad bit boring. I have went from wild party girl to boring working 9-5 girl, but I am trying to break free. My life is usually pretty interesting. SO just to let you know a little about me. I'm a bit of an Amazon lol. 5*11 full figured bomb shell is more like it. No i'm not conceded, I'm just confident. I am so happy today b/c I got my replacement phone. I dropped the old one in a pool while at the the bar which was also in the pool. I was a little tipsy I suppose. I'm kinda excited b/c i have a date of Friday, but the guy is already annoying me. I annoy pretty easily, but he is doing it on purpose. I'm also kinda bitchy b/c my fuck buddy is being stingy with the goodies. He is always so freaking busy and our schedules dont work well together, so i'm like whats the point. Work is boring as hell as usual, b/c I dont do shit. Which I guess is a upside, but I Hate being non-productive (if thats a word). I'm sure I would be a lot happier if I was in school learning something new, but unfortunately i'm not. I'm excited for my sissy, but I cant tell you why just yet lol. Well, thats all for now. Think I may drop some new Poerty I just wrote. I love spoken word, so if you do to feel free to hit me up. Until then ~Smooches~